Bedroom
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Hobbiton Recall By Jon Bardi, adapted to Gruescript by Robin Johnson. Images by Sora using ChatGPT

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You are in your bedroom. A soft floral duvet covers the mattress. On one side, there’s a stack of paperbacks and a reading lamp; on the other, a phone charger and a half-used bottle of hand cream. A framed wedding photo sits on the dresser, surrounded by a few scented candles and a dish of loose change and earrings. To the east, a door leads out to the landing.

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You are in your bedroom. A soft floral duvet covers the mattress. On one side, there’s a stack of paperbacks and a reading lamp; on the other, a phone charger and a half-used bottle of hand cream. A framed wedding photo sits on the dresser, surrounded by a few scented candles and a dish of loose change and earrings. To the east, a door leads out to the landing.
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This game was made with gruescript.

# '#' means this line (or the rest of this line) is a comment # (if you want to output '#' during your game, use "&num;") game Hobbiton Recall # Game title id HOBB # game ID (used to identify cookies; should be unique on your site) author Jon Bardi, adapted to Gruescript by Robin Johnson. Images by Sora using ChatGPT version 0.0.1 person 2 # 2nd person, i.e. "You are in..." examine on # if 'on', the verb 'examine' will be implemented by clicking nouns assign maxscore 5000 status {$room.Display} | Score {$score} # '|' divides left and right ends of status bar conversation on #little chipping assign taxilocation hobbington assign butlerverb walks assign daiquiri.drank 0 assign raining 0 tagdesc locked # you could also provide a description; otherwise... tagdesc unlocked tagdesc empty# you could also provide a description; otherwise... tagdesc sleeping tagdesc closed tagdesc syringe holding a very long pointy syringe tagdesc ringing tagdesc unconscious tagdesc dust filled with dust tagdesc cellkeys carrying the cell keys tagdesc jumping jumping up and down on the bed tagdesc dead tagdesc full full of toothpaste tagdesc broken tagdesc back clawing at your back tagdesc blockedrock with a giant rock blocking the door tagdesc onfire on fire setverb unlock has $this locked !eq $held 0 has $held key setverb lock has $this unlocked !eq $held 0 has $held key verb lock eq $held.locktype $this.locktype: {The $held} doesn't fit the lock on {the $this}. untag $this unlocked: {The $held} turns clockwise in the lock. tag $this locked setverb sell at inside_cash_converters has $this sellable verb open has $this container !eq $this.contents 0: There's nothing inside. !eq $this.contents multiple say Something falls out. bring $this.contents assign $this.contents 0 verb open has $this container eq $this.contents multiple say Some things fall out. assign $this.contents 0 assign container $this all things eq $this.contained_in $container bring $this assign $this.contained_in 0 #verb action #goto rekall_reception #bring machine_gun #goto sandy_bay #tag cottage_garden rain #bring straw_pile #bring machine_gun #bring sausages #goto elfvillage #bring stonking_great_spliff #bring skipass #goto trollcave #goto secret_tunnel #bring mel #bring hobbits #bring taxi_driver #goto vip_area #bring mel #goto tunnel_like_hall #goto bus_stop #bring bus_ticket #goto rekall #tag urine_sample handed #tag sandwiches eaten #goto work #bring urine_sample #bring sandwiches #goto lonely_mountain #bring sack #bring mel #bring mysterious_box # bring boss # tag boss hobbiton #bring badmington_racket #bring mysterious_box #bring red_pill #put mel torture_chamber # a room ###room hall You are in a comfortable Tunnel-like hall. To the east there is the round green door # internal name and description ###prop display Tunnel-like hall ##east gloomy ##verbs action ###room gloomy You are in a gloomy empty land with dreary hills ahead. ###prop display gloomy empty land ###west hall ###room nightmare Madness! ###prop display Hahahahahahahaha... ##verbs wakeup ###thing dancing_randalf Randalf and Thorin dancing, insanity in their eyes ###loc nightmare ##room trolls_clearing You are in the trolls clearing. ##southwest gloomy ##north hidden_path ##southeast rivendell ##room hidden_path You are in a hidden path with trolls foot prints. ##To the north there is the heavy rock door. ##south trolls_clearing ##room rivendell You are in Rivendell. ##northwest trolls_clearing ##room bedroom You are in your bedroom ##prop display It was all a dream! ##verbs sleep room bedroom_woke <div class="bedroom"></div>You are in your bedroom. A soft floral duvet covers the mattress. On one side, there’s a stack of paperbacks and a reading lamp; on the other, a phone charger and a half-used bottle of hand cream. A framed wedding photo sits on the dresser, surrounded by a few scented candles and a dish of loose change and earrings. To the east, a door leads out to the landing. tags start # the player starts here prop display Bedroom east landing thing bed A double bed loc bedroom_woke prop contents toothbrush desc You look under the bed but can't see anything verbs examine verb examine bed !has bed toothbrush thingat bed bedroom_woke say There is a toothbrush under the bed. So <i>that's</i> where you left it! bring toothbrush add score 25 hide bed thing toothbrush tags portable desc A well-used toothbrush with slightly frayed bristles. room landing You are on the landing. There are some step ladders here, and some white paint. Mavis has been decorating the landing for the last 3 weeks. You should get on at her to speed things up! There is a bedroom to the west and a bathroom to the north. Stairs lead down. prop display The Landing west bedroom_woke down hallway north bathroom verb go down at landing !has toothbrush brushed say You haven't brushed your teeth yet! room bathroom <div class="bathroom"></div>You are in the bathroom. A toilet with a crack down the side is here, along with a bathtub with a crack down the side, and a cracked medicine cabinet with a mirror (with a crack down the middle). prop display The Bathroom south landing thing sink loc bathroom verbs cleanteeth desc A grimy white sink with a dripping tap and yellow tide marks. thing clothes loc bathroom tags plural wearable portable desc A crumpled pile of yesterday’s clothes. Still vaguely warm. verb remove clothes !at lab say This is neither the time nor place! Wait for bedtime! thing medicine_cabinet medicine cabinet loc bathroom tags lockable locked prop locktype cabinet verb unlock eq $held.locktype $this.locktype: {The $held} doesn't fit the lock on {the $this}. # message prints if assertion fails untag $this locked: {The $held} turns anticlockwise in the lock. # message always prints tag $this unlocked rule has medicine_cabinet unlocked eq $foundkey 0 # uninitiated variables are treated as having value 0 assign foundkey 1 bring urine_sample: There is a urine sample inside. add score 15 thing urine_sample A Urine Sample tags portable sellable desc A small plastic test-tube filled with suspicious yellow liquid. thing squeezy_bottle loc edge_of_dark_lake tags portable sellable desc A half-empty bottle with a mysterious label and oily residue. verb cleanteeth run clean_teeth proc clean_teeth carried toothbrush say You give them a damn good scrubbing. You look at the toothpaste tube in your hand. <i><b>"Fallows Toothpaste - Minty, Creamy and Wonderful - use another toothpaste brand and you'll regret it."</i></b> say say Nice slogan - but it strikes you as having slightly threatening undertones. tag toothbrush brushed hide toothbrush hide sink add score 35 proc clean_teeth !carried toothbrush say You don't have a toothbrush room hallway You are in the hallway. This is where you keep the stairs and the front door. It's the first room guests see when they enter the house, so you are very strict with Mavis about always keeping it nicely hoovered. The kitchen is to the north, and there is a cupboard under the stairs to the west. prop display The Hallway up landing west cupboard north kitchen south front_path thing front_door front door loc hallway tags lockable locked prop locktype front_door verb go south at hallway !has front_door locked !has clothes worn say You go outside. say say A group of nuns on their way to Little Chipping nunnery point at you and scream! say say You run quickly back inside. It would be a good idea to make sure that you're not naked before venturing outside! verb go south at hallway has front_door locked say The door is locked! room front_path <div class="frontdoor"></div>You are outside your front door. A little gate hangs off it's hinges at the end of the weedy path. prop display The Front Path north hallway thing bicycle your bicycle loc front_path tags flat verbs ride desc A rusty old bicycle with a suspicious wobble in the wheels. verb ride bicycle at front_path !has $this flat: The bike has a flat tyre! It's going nowhere! carried urine_sample: You forgot your wife's urine sample! carried sandwiches: You forgot your sandwiches! say You jump on your bike and peddle off to work! add score 50 say hide bagpipes hide spray hide tiny_key goto work put bicycle main_road verb ride bicycle at main_road say You jump on your bicycle. For some reason it feels extremely uncomfortable. say say You get off the bike and realise - some bastard has nicked the seat! setverb pump_up bicycle has bicycle flat carried bicycle_pump at front_path verb pump_up bicycle carried bicycle_pump at front_path say You pump for all your worth, and in two shakes of a lamb's tail your bicycle is as good as new again! say You smile to yourself and wipe the sweat from your brow. say You hope your wife appreciates you helping her with her chores! untag bicycle flat add score 25 room cupboard You are crouched inside the cupboard under the stairs. Nothing much here except cobwebs and some cleaning products which are your wife's department. prop display Cupboard east hallway tags spider thing tiny_key tiny key tags portable key loc cupboard prop locktype cabinet desc A minuscule brass key, barely the size of a thumbnail. verb take tiny_key at cupboard has cupboard spider say You attempt to take the key, but a large spider is crawling over it. You take one look inside the spider's eight eyes and decide you don't need the key that much after all. room kitchen <div class="kitchen"></div>This is the kitchen, where Mavis cooks the meals. There is a table here where you eat breakfast, elevenses, brunch, lunch, afternoon snacks, dinner, supper and midnight snacks. You also like to eat biscuits between meals whilst sat here. There is a back door here. prop display The Kitchen south hallway east garden thing fridge verbs open tags container prop contents multiple desc An old fridge buzzing quietly. Probably full of out-of-date yoghurt. thing herring red herring tags portable desc One herring (red). Looks like it could come in useful. prop contained_in fridge thing egg pickled egg tags portable desc A wrinkled pickled egg floating in cloudy vinegar. prop contained_in fridge thing sandwiches tags portable sellable cverbs eat desc Two sad-looking sandwiches wrapped in cling film. prop contained_in fridge verb eat sandwiches at picnic_spot: You don't want to eat them here. You prefer to find someone nice to sit. say You unwrap your sandwiches and are startled to discover that Mavis has put Mayo on them. say She <i>knows</i> you hate mayo! say <b>You snap off a stick from a tree and use it to scrape the mayo off.</b> say Munch! Munch! say You eat your lovingly prepared corned beef and beetroot sandwiches. say You can't help but notice that Mavis also failed to cut off the crusts. You make a mental note to give her a reprimand. tag sandwiches eaten hide sandwiches put steak pub bring stick add score 55 thing wife Mavis loc kitchen tags alive female verbs talk desc Your long-suffering wife. She's wearing curlers and a tired, but patient, expression. thing table kitchen table loc kitchen verbs sit tags wife desc A sturdy old table covered in biscuit crumbs and jam smears. verb sit thingat table kitchen say You sit down at the table. add score 10 hide table here wife run morning_convo room garden <div class="garden"></div>This is the garden, where Mavis does the gardening. It's getting a bit overgrown at the moment, you shall have to put your foot down with your wife. There are no excuses when it comes to keeping a well maintained lawn! It's bordered on all sides by a wooden fence. Your garden shed is here. prop display The Garden west kitchen north shed thing cat a cat tags alive sleeping loc garden verbs stroke desc A plump black-and-white cat snoring softly by the shed. thing rubbish rubbish bin loc garden tags container verbs open prop contents food_scraps desc A plastic bin filled with questionable leftovers and buzzing flies. thing food_scraps food scraps tags plural portable desc Bits of toast crusts, cheese rinds, and what might be a sausage. thing hedgehog a hedgehog loc garden tags alive verbs stroke desc A little hedgehog with tired eyes and a twitching nose. setverb feed_hedgehog hedgehog carried food_scraps at garden verb feed_hedgehog say You feed the little fella some of the foodscraps. He eats them with an air of melancoly, and crawls off under a hedge, revealing something glistening under where he was sat. hide hedgehog hide food_scraps bring house_keys add score 45 thing wardrobe loc bedroom_woke verbs open tags container prop contents bagpipes desc An old wooden wardrobe, smelling faintly of mothballs. thing bagpipes tags portable sellable cverbs play desc A dusty set of bagpipes with tartan trim and a terrible squeak. verb play bagpipes say They admit a horrendous screeching sound. has cat sleeping at garden run scare_cat add score 30 proc scare_cat add cat.anger 1 !eq cat.anger 1: The cat looks up at you in annoyance, and then returns to it's sleep. !eq cat.anger 2: The cat jumps up, hisses at you to stop, then stretches out to try and resume it's nap. say The cat jumps up onto the shed roof, knocking something onto the ground. hide cat untag cat sleeping bring bicycle_pump add score 25 thing bicycle_pump tags portable sellable desc A slightly dented hand-pump for inflating tyres. Smells of rubber. thing house_keys tags portable key plural prop locktype front_door desc A jangly bunch of house keys, slightly sticky. verb stroke hedgehog say Ouch! verb stroke cat say Nice kitty! The cat purrs softly in it's sleep. room shed You are in the shed.This is where Mavis comes to have a little cry when she's having one of her 'episodes'. Not much in here. prop display The Shed south garden thing spray A can of Insect-Be-Gone loc shed tags portable sellable cverbs spray desc A battered metal canister that promises to obliterate all bugs. verb spray spray has spray empty say The can is empty! verb spray spray !thingat spray cupboard say Not here, there are no insects about. And it's also highly toxic so should be used with caution. verb spray spray at cupboard has cupboard spider say You spray the litte 8 legged bugger into kingdom come! untag cupboard spider tag spray empty add score 25 continue verb sleep goto bedroom_woke say You roll over and go back to sleep. There are no more bad dreams, and you sleep soundly until the alarm clock wakes you at 7am. Noises coming from the kitchen tell you that your wife is already up.<br> setverb open hasall $this closed container setverb close hasall $this open container verb open chest has $this closed say You open the chest. It contains a curious map, and a fashionable hand mirror. bring map bring mirror untag chest closed thing map a curious map tags portable cverbs read verb read map say You read the curious map. It makes no sense at all! thing mirror a hand mirror tags portable cverbs use verb use mirror say You gaze at your reflection. Last nights spaghetti can be seen in the midst of your straggly grey beard. You give yourself a grin. With horror, you notice all your teeth are rotten. Throwing the mirror to the floor, it smashes...and you look around the small tunnel like hall desprately searching for some toothpaste. But alas, there is none to be found as one by one your teeth drop out of your mouth and fall to the floor. You scream and Randalf and Thorin dance around you, laughing...laughing...laughing... hide mirror hide map goto nightmare thing chest a wooden chest loc hall tags container closed thing randalf Randalf the Wizard name Randalf the Wizard loc hall tags alive male conversation prop desc A tall, silver-bearded wizard in a tattered cloak, with eyes like distant storm clouds and a pipe that smells faintly of elderflower. His staff crackles with a quiet, unseen power. prop start_conversation Randalf fixes you with a knowing look and strokes his beard thoughtfully. "Well, come on then," he says. "Speak your mind." prop end_conversation Randalf turns away and begins muttering incantations under his breath, lost once more in ancient thought. thing thorin Thorin loc hall tags alive male conversation verb talk thorin say "If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world." He says. thing hideous_troll The hideous troll loc trolls_clearing tags alive male conversation tagdesc carrying the gold key thing vicious_troll The vicious troll loc trolls_clearing tags alive male conversation verbs talk verb talk randalf eq $score 0 random x 4 !eq $x 1: "There's no time to lose young Hobbit, darkness surrounds us!" !eq $x 2: "You must go on a dangerous quest, young Hobbit. I hope you have some sensible shoes to wear." !eq $x 3: "The time is nye. We must act soon lest all Hobbington perish!" !eq $x 4: "Look lively, we can't wait all day!" verb talk boss !at tennis_court !at outside_cave !has boss hobbiton say Mr Fallows looks at you with scorn. "I have better things to do with my time than make chit-chat with the hired help!!" verb talk maureen say You think about starting a conversation with Maureen, but stop yourself. No one talks to Maureen. rule here thorin random x 3 !eq $x 1: Thorin is chewing on a piece of tree bark. !eq $x 2: Thorin scratches his backside. say Thorin sings a song about gold. verb wakeup goto bedroom say <h5>You wake from your nightmare in a cold sweat. It’s always the same dream—you’re a small hobbit on a dangerous quest in a faraway land. <br> Beside you, Mavis lies motionless. She always sleeps with her eyes open, making it difficult to tell whether she’s asleep, awake, or dead.<br>"Mavis... Are you awake?" you whisper.<br>Her tongue lolls out of the corner of her mouth, and a warm patch of drool spreads across her pillow. She looks asleep, but with Mavis, you can never be sure.<br>Gently, you pinch her nostrils shut between your thumb and forefinger. She gasps, stutters, and flings her arms into the air.<br>"Are you awake?" you ask again.<br>"Dave… you're sweating… Did you have your bad dream again?"<br>"Yes. Always the same. I'm a hobbit called Baldo Babbins, and I live in a place called Hobbington."<br>"Would you like me to prepare you a glass of warm milk?"<br>You smile and give her a thumbs-up, the universal gesture for "that would be swell."<br>Mavis climbs out of bed, pulls on her dressing gown, and heads downstairs to prepare your warm milk—and maybe a biscuit if you’re lucky. Just the one biscuit, mind you. Too much sugar at this time of night tends to make you a bit frisky.<br>You lie back on your pillow, hands tucked down the front of your pajama pants.<br>Your Hobbington dreams feel so real. You wish a place like that existed. A guy like you could really go places in a place like that.<br>You scratch your bottom, roll over, and drift back to sleep. The warm milk and biscuit can wait until morning..</h5> proc morning_convo say ...and start tucking into a bowl of Coco Pops that your wife has lovingly prepared.<br><br>Mavis yawns.<br><br>"Would you mind not yawning?" you ask politely. "Not only is it unbecoming of a lady to yawn at the breakfast table, but I also find it extremely sexually unappealing. And what's more, you're putting me off my Coco Pops."<br><br> "I'm sorry, my dear."<br><br> You simply give her a look that implies she should know better and had better start bucking up her ideas, then scoop another handsome spoonful of Coco Pops into your hairy gob.<br><br> "Darling, would you mind dropping off my urine sample at the doctor’s on your lunch break? It’s in the bathroom cabinet."<br><br>"OK, Mavis."<br><br> "Thank you, honey. Your sandwiches are wrapped up in the fridge. Don’t forget to lock up before you leave. I’ll see you later!"<br><br>Mavis picks up her handbag and walks out the back door.<br><br>You pick up your cereal bowl and drink the last of the chocolate milk. Wiping the milk from your beard with the back of your sleeve, you consider having another bowl.<br><br>"Coco Pops are the best… but if I have some more, I'll be late for work," you think. Instead, you put the bowl in the sink for Mavis to deal with later.<br><br>"Now—I better get ready for work!" hide wife bring fridge verb talk wife !at goblin_dungeon random x 4 !eq $x 1: "Dave, you really should see Dr Muggins about that rash of yours." !eq $x 2: "Dave, do you still find me physically attractive?" !eq $x 3: "What color do you think we should paint the landing hallway?" !eq $x 4: "It's time we paid a visit to my Mother's." #part 2: at work room work You're at work - working for Fallow's Toothpaste Industries. You are standing in an assembly line, screwing the lids on toothpaste tubes as they pass by you on a conveyor belt. Your work pal Mike stands opposite you, dressed in green overalls. prop display Toothpaste-Tube Factory rule at work chance 1 8 say say <b>A rat scurries across the factory floor.</b> thing mike Mike Dobson loc work tags alive male conversation verbs talk prop desc It's Mike Dobson! Your bald best friend. Mike isn't blessed with the same screwing-lids-onto-toothpaste-tubes skills as you, and his lower salary reflects this. prop start_conversation Mike smiles at you and gives you his full attention. Meanwhile, several toothpaste tubes pass by him on the conveyor belt. prop end_conversation Mike goes back to screwing lids on toothpaste tubes. verb talk mike !at work held gun say "Now Dave - remember we are best friends! Don't do anything rash - give me that gun!" verb talk mike !at work random x 7 !eq $x 1: "You should have listened to me, Dave. I was here to keep you out of trouble." !eq $x 2: "You got me mixed up with somebody else." </br></br> "Nah pal, you got yourself mixed up with someone else!" !eq $x 3: "Just do as you're told. I don't want to have to shoot you here - it would make things unpleasant for the next passenger who has to use these seats." !eq $x 4: "They said you’d be trouble from the start. I told 'em you were just confused." !eq $x 5: "Don't look so surprised. It’s not personal. You were never supposed to remember." !eq $x 6: "I've always quite liked the idea of being a bus driver. Out on the open road. No bus breathing down your neck." !eq $x 7: "You get a really good view of Little Chipping from a ride in the top deck of a bus." setverb ask_mike weekend setverb ask_mike rekall has mike askedweekend setverb ask_mike wife verb ask_mike weekend say "How was your weekend?" You ask Mike. say say "It was swell, thank you!" Mike replies, "I went to Rekall! It's great!" tag mike askedweekend verb ask_mike rekall say "Rekall?" say say "Yes - that new place on the high street next to cash converters. Have you heard of it?" say <br>"I've seen it from the outside. Rekall corp? What is it, exactly?"<br><br>"Oh it's great - a place where you can live out all your dreams!" <br><br>Mike starts to get excited about the subject, rubbing his hands as he talks. Several toothpaste tubes pass him on the convertor belt, to venture forth forever lidless.<br> <br>"Live out my dreams?"<br><br>"Yes - It's the <b>ultimate</b> in VR. They hook you up to a machine and you can live out any fantasy you want... It's so realistic. It's like you're actually living another life!!" tag mike rekallasked carry leaflet add score 100 setverb ask_mike VR has mike rekallasked verb ask_mike VR say "I don't know... Ive tried cardboard VR before, I wasn't that impressed."<br><br>"This is <i>nothing</i> like cardboard VR! Here, take a leaflet."<br><br>Mike hands you a leaflet form his overall pockets. It had a bright "Rekall" logo on the front.<br> say say At that moment the factory claxxon sounds. That was the signal for lunch, and it was time for you to take Mavis's urine sample to the clinic. untag mike conversation goto staff_room verb ask_mike wife say "How's your wife, Kirsty?” you ask. say say Mike stopped screwing his toothpaste cap and stared across at Dave. It was then Dave remembered the unspeakable, unmentionable fate that had befallen poor Kirsty. say say "I'm... I'm sorry, Mike. Forgive me; I forgot she was; she was... squashed." say say "Forget it... " Mike said, getting teary-eyed, "There's a part of Kirsty that will always be with me." say say "Yes. Did you have any luck finding the other parts?" room staff_room <div class="staffroom"></div>You are in the staff break room at the toothpaste factory—a dreary little refuge with crooked ceiling tiles, the scent of instant coffee, and a vending machine that has seen better decades. prop display The Break Room east factory_floor thing vending_machine vending machine loc staff_room prop desc A battered old vending machine with a faded logo and a flickering "Out of Order" sign. It hums ominously. setverb kick vending_machine !has vending_machine broken verb kick vending_machine at staff_room run kick_vending proc kick_vending add vending_machine.damage 1 !eq vending_machine.damage 1: You give the vending machine a kick and it wobbles a little. !eq vending_machine.damage 2: You kick the vending machine again and it wobbles a little more. say You give the vending machine an extra hard kick and it topples over, crashing to the floor. say say "What is all this noise!!! Explain it to me!!" Mr Fallows, the boss, screams as he walks in on the destruction. say say "It was like this when I found it!" you explain, your eyes wide and pleading like an innocent little vole. bring boss tag vending_machine broken add score 45 thing leaflet rekall leaflet tags portable paper cverbs read verb read leaflet say <b><center>ReKall!</center></b> say <center>- Live out your wildest fantasies! In ultra-realistic VAR (cross between VR and AR) -</center> say <center>Chippington High Street - Next to Cash Converters. From the town hall go north, east, southwest, east, north, southeast then east.</center> room factory_floor <div class="factory"></div> You are on the toothpaste factory floor. Lots of hustle and bustle here, with men and women in uniforms standing by conveyor belts, screwing on lids of toothpaste tubes. There is a lovely fresh minty smell in the air. prop display The Factory Floor west staff_room south managers_office down reception thing maureen Maureen loc factory_floor tags alive female conversation prop desc A small, hunchbacked woman with a glass eye, a wooden leg and a wig. Her yellowy teeth extend over her lip, almost touching her chin. Hair grows out of her ears and nostrils and there is a slight whiff of mange about her person. She has a rash. room managers_office You are in the manager's office. There is a huge oil painting of the manager - grinning and stroking a cat -hanging above his mahogany desk. (The painting is hanging above the desk - not the cat.) prop display Manager's Office north factory_floor thing boss Mr Tom Fallows loc managers_office tags alive male prop desc He is only 5 foot tall, but what he lacks in stature, he makes up for in his mop of golden hair. He carries a little red comb in his top pocket, and every so often, proudly runs it through his mane. His eyes are aqua-blue, and there is the sensation of something lurking behind them. Something disturbing. verbs talk prop start_conversation Tom looks up at you with his evil eyes, waiting for you to say something. prop end_conversation Tom goes back to looking reflective and evil. thing desk loc managers_office verbs open prop desc A very expensive mahogany desk, polished to a rich shine. Its heavy drawers look like they’ve swallowed more than just paperwork over the years. You get the sense that rummaging through it might come with consequences. verb open desk at managers_office here boss say "What the hell do you think you're doing riffling through my desk!" Mr Fallows screams before kicking you out of his office. say goto factory_floor verb open desk at managers_office !here boss say You find a gold pen! bring pen add score 25 thing pen gold pen tags portable prop desc A sleek, expensive-looking gold pen. It gleams with importance but its value has dropped already by having your fingerprints all over it. room reception You are in the reception of the toothpaste factory (Fallows Toothpaste Industries INC). There are pictures of tubes of toothpaste hanging on the walls. There is one picture of a family on a beach showing off their dazzling white teeth. prop display Factory Reception up factory_floor out main_road verb go out at reception !has pen used say Mrs Wiggly stops you. "I'm sorry, Mr Crowe, you need to sign out before you leave the building! Fire regulations, you understand." verb talk receptionist random x 3 !eq $x 1: "I’ve worked here twenty-seven years, and never once been thanked for it!" !eq $x 2: "I saw Mr Fallows sneak out the back with a crate of toothpaste once. Never said a word." !eq $x 3: "Mrs Wiggly, have you done something with your hair?" You ask flirtatiously. say say "Mr Crowe!!" Mrs Wiggly blushes, "You <i>are</i> a devil!" thing receptionist Mrs Wiggly tags alive female loc reception verbs talk prop desc A stout woman with tightly permed hair and a bright floral blouse. She radiates a mix of authority and the scent of rice pudding. thing sign_sheet sign in sheet loc reception verbs sign_out prop desc A slightly crumpled sheet resting on a clipboard. Several names are signed in a hurried scrawl, and there’s just enough space for one more signature. verb sign_out at reception held pen say You use your nice new expensive gold pen to sign your signature - a big, shaky X. tag pen used hide sign_sheet add score 60 verb sign_out at reception !held pen say Somebody's run off with the pen! room main_road <div class="mainroad"></div>You are on a busy road stretching east and west. Big double decker buses pass you by. Honk Honk go the cars. "Fallows Toothpaste Industries" is to the north. prop display Busy Main Road east town_hall west high_street thing reception the toothpaste factory loc main_road verbs enter prop desc A colossal, gleaming structure of pipes, vents, and peppermint-scented steam. It towers above every other building in Little Chipping like a frothy white cathedral, its chimneys burping out minty vapour into the sky. The golden letters over the entrance proudly read: “Fallows Toothpaste Industries INC” — a temple to oral hygiene that dwarfs the town around it. rule at main_road carried urine_sample !has urine_sample empty !has urine_sample pond say say A boy on a skateboard whizzes by you, knocking you to the floor. <b>Out of your pocket falls Mavis's urine sample, the contents spilling into the drain!</b> say tag urine_sample empty thing newsagents newsagents loc main_road verbs enter prop desc A narrow brick-fronted shop with a battered awning and yellowing classified ads taped to the window. A sun-bleached sign outside promises “99p Ice Creams – All Year Round!” though the cone pictured has clearly melted with age. thing newsagents_window loc main_road prop desc Someone has placed a classified Ad in the window. It says <i>Need a website? Go to <b>jonbardiwebdesign.co.uk</b> for the best priced WordPress web design in the world!</i> verb enter at main_road goto $this room town_hall <div class="townhall"></div>You are in a small square in front of the Town Hall. There is a huge golden statue here of Tom Fallows, the owner and brains behind Fallows Toothpaste Industries. Below the statue there is a golden plaque. There is a park to the north and a main road to the west. prop display Town Hall north park west main_road thing plaque golden plaque loc town_hall verbs read prop desc A shiny brass plaque mounted proudly on the wall. Its edges are ornately engraved, though the surface is smudged with the fingerprints of curious townsfolk. verb read plaque say <b>"Erected 1980 in honor of Baron Tom Fallows, the savior of Little Chipping."</b> tag plaque read room newsagents <div class="newsagents"></div>You are inside the local newsagents — a cramped, overstocked little shop that smells of ink, boiled sweets and damp. The shelves are stacked high with crisps, comic books, paracetamol and stationery. A bell above the door jingles every time someone enters. prop display Newsagents north main_road thing newsagent Mr Fudgefinger name Mr Fudgefinger the newsagent tags alive male conversation loc newsagents prop desc A wiry old man with ink-stained fingers and a suspicious squint. His tweed waistcoat smells faintly of newsprint and boiled sweets. prop start_conversation Mr Fudgefinger peers over his spectacles at you, sucking on a cola cube. prop end_conversation Mr Fudgefinger snorts and returns to rearranging the crossword books. verbs talk verb talk newsagent random x 3 !eq $x 1: "Got the *Beano*, *Toothpaste Monthly*, and *ReKall Times*. Take your pick!" !eq $x 2: "I remember when this town had *two* bakers. Now we’ve only got crime and fluoride." !eq $x 3: "Don’t touch the magazines on the top shelf. They’re *specialist interest*, see?" thing envelope tags portable prop desc A plain white envelope. verb ask_newsagent envelopes !has envelope bought say "Do you sell envelop..." You begin to ask. say "Envelopes cost 5 pence each!" Mr Fudgefinger snaps. bring envelope verb ask_newsagent envelopes has envelope bought say "You've already bought my last envelope! Get lost!" setverb ask_newsagent weather verb ask_newsagent weather say "Lovely weather today isn't it?"<br><br> say "Buy something or get out!" Mr Fudgefinger sneers, waving a twix in your face threateningly. setverb put_inside_envelope urine_sample !has urine_sample empty carried envelope carried urine_sample verb put_inside_envelope carried envelope carried urine_sample say After placing the urine sample inside, you lick the gummy part of the envelope and seal it up. hide urine_sample tag envelope usample add score 50 tagdesc usample containing a urine sample verb take envelope !has envelope bought say "Put that down! Unless you have the money to pay for it!" Mr Fudgefinger sneers, shaking his fist at you menacingly. setverb buy envelope at newsagents carried 5_pence verb buy envelope at newsagents carried 5_pence say You hand over 5 pence to Mr Fudgefinger, and put the envelope in your pocket. give envelope hide 5_pence tag envelope bought add score 25 room high_street <div class="highstreet"></div>You are on the high street, where life never seems to slow down and someone is always trying to hand you a leaflet. To the east, the roar of traffic hints at the main road, while various storefronts line the street: the local doctor’s surgery, the weathered Pig and Whistle pub, and Little Chipping Orphanage. prop display The High Street east main_road thing doctors doctors surgery loc high_street verbs enter prop desc A squat brick building with a faded green sign and peeling posters in the window reminding you to wash your hands and book your smear test. thing pub pig and whistle pub loc high_street verbs enter prop desc A creaky old pub with stained-glass windows and the faint, ever-present smell of pork scratchings and strong ale wafting from within. thing rink orphanage loc high_street verbs enter tags closed prop desc A sad, delapadated and permanently shut building with a sign that reads <b>"Orphanage. Closed for good. Bought by Tom Fallows Industries. Coming soon to this spot: <i>Another</i> Tom Fallows Toothpaste Factory!"</b> rule at high_street random x 15 !eq $x 1: A dog barks wildly as it chases a paper bag down the street. !eq $x 2: A child in a pushchair screams at the top of their lungs. !eq $x 3: A busker strums out of tune on a cracked guitar. !eq $x 4: A woman with a clipboard tries to stop passers-by for a survey. !eq $x 5: A pigeon flutters dangerously close to your head. !eq $x 6: A delivery van honks and narrowly misses a cyclist. !eq $x 7: Two old ladies argue loudly about which bread rolls are on offer. !eq $x 8: A man in a trench coat sells suspicious-looking watches from his coat lining. !eq $x 9: A toddler throws a tantrum while his mum pretends not to notice. !eq $x 10: A gust of wind blows an umbrella inside-out, sending its owner cursing into the road. !eq $x 11: A dog pees against a lamp-post. !eq $x 12: A man in a suit pushes past you. !eq $x 13: A taxi driver honks his horn and screams expletives out of his window at an old lady crossing the road. !eq $x 14: A boy on a skateboard zooms by. !eq $x 15: A woman with shopping bags walks out of Marks and Spencers. verb enter at high_street !eq $this rink: The orphange is closed. There is a sign on the wall saying "Closed for good. Bought by Tom Fallows Industries. Coming soon to this spot: <i>Another</i> Tom Fallows Toothpaste Factory!" goto $this room pub <div class="pub"></div>You are in the pig and whistle pub. The lunchtime rush is on, and there are several people stood around the bar, and all the tables are full with customers eating ploughman's lunches and what have you. prop display Pig & Whistle Pub east high_street thing landlord loc pub tags alive verbs talk verb talk landlord say "Yeah, I know you… You work for Fallows, don’t you? Tell him I’ll have his cut by the end of the week. Just—try and keep him calm, will ya? I only just finished redecorating the place after last time." say say You don't know what he's talking about. thing terry Terry loc pub tags alive conversation prop desc Terry is looking worse for wear. He’s sitting at the bar, knocking back whisky. He hasn’t shaved in days, and his clothes look like he’s been wearing them for far too long. He used to work for Tom Fallow’s Toothpaste Industries. prop start_conversation Terry looks up with bloodshot eyes. prop end_conversation Terry goes back to his whisky. setverb ask_terry how_are_you verb ask_terry how_are_you say "Hic Hic...Hi Dave... Hic!" He says, "Haven't seen you since we both worked for Tom Fallows Toothpaste Factory! Tom Fallows - what a (hic).. bastard. I'll get him for what he did to me! Hic!" tag terry tom setverb ask_terry Tom_Fallows has terry tom verb ask_terry Tom_Fallows say "Tom Fallows? (hic) - Tom Bastard I call him! (hic) - 10 years I worked at his factory - he was sleeping with my wife all the time! Then when I found out, he sacked me! But I'll get him... I know things about him...<i>secrets...</i>" tag terry secrets setverb ask_terry secrets has terry secrets verb ask_terry secrets at pub say "What secrets? What do you mean?" You ask. say say "Shhhh!" Terry says, putting his finger to his lips, "Not here... the walls have ears! Follow me outside!" say say <b>With that, Terry gets up and walks outside.</b> say put terry high_street verb ask_terry secrets at high_street say say "As I was saying..." Terry continues... "Did you know that Tom is planning to..." say say <b>Suddenly, with a screech of tyres, a car drives off the road and onto the pavement - crashing into poor Terry, who goes flying over the bonnet, landing in a bloody heap on the side of the road.</b> say The car doesn't stop, speeding off into the distance before you can memorise the numberplate. You crouch down beside Terry and take his pulse. He hasn't got one. hide terry say say A witness calls an ambulance, and in minutes they arrive and carry Terry's body away. Poor Terry! setverb ask_adrian steak at pub here steak verb ask_adrian steak say "Cooked rare - just the way I likes it!" setverb give_to_adrian bottle_of_schnapps at pub carried bottle_of_schnapps here adrian verb give_to_adrian bottle_of_schnapps at pub carried bottle_of_schnapps here adrian say You offer the bottle of schnapps to Adrian. Adrian pushes aside his steak, his hands wildly grasping the bottle. He removes the bottle top with such dexterity and speed your eyes fail even to register it. With not so much as a "Thank you, kindly" - Adrian puts his neck back and pours the contents of the bottle down his throat. In minutes he is snoozing soundly, his head resting on his plate, in a small pool of tomato ketchup. hide bottle_of_schnapps tag adrian sleeping untag adrian conversation assign conversation 0 add score 45 thing adrian Adrian Swidzinski tags alive male conversation loc pub prop desc A tall, bald, pleasant-looking Polish man with twinkling eyes and a nose that suggests a long and loving relationship with vodka. verbs talk prop start_conversation "Hello fella...lend us a tenner won't you - I can pay you back next Tuesday when me Giro comes through." \ says Adrian, slurring his speech and taking another gulp of his beer. prop end_conversation \ Adrian takes another gulp of his beer and his head starts to loll. verb talk adrian has adrian sleeping say Sssh! Adrian is sleeping! thing steak tags edible portable prop desc A big fat juicy steak. Mmmmm! verb take steak at pub here steak here adrian !has adrian sleeping say "Get your hands off my steak!" Adrian shouts angrily. You could say his anger is justified, grabbing another mans steak like that. Shame on you. setverb ask_adrian statue has plaque read verb ask_adrian statue say "Don't talk to me about Tom Fallows... that bastard." Adrian leans forward and starts to whisper, "I know <i>stories</i> about what he gets up too. That's why he fired me... he's afraid of what I know..." room doctors You are in the clean but faintly medicinal-smelling reception of the doctor's surgery. A faded poster about flu jabs peels off the wall, and the sound of coughing echoes from deeper within. prop display Doctor's Surgery south high_street thing mrs_witherington Mrs Witherington loc doctors tags alive female conversation name Mrs Witherington desc A stern-looking woman in her late fifties with angular spectacles and a mouth permanently pursed into a line. Her grey hair is tied in a bun so tight it could snap steel. She exudes an air of quiet authority—and zero tolerance. verbs talk verb talk mrs_witherington say Mrs Witherington peers at you over her thick rimmed spectacles. "Good heavens - you don't look right at all!!! I suggest you see a doctor straight away!" setverb hand_in urine_sample at doctors carried urine_sample setverb hand_in envelope at doctors carried envelope has envelope usample verb hand_in at doctors carried urine_sample say Mrs Witherington looks at you witheringly. "I'm not touching that unless it's in an envelope!" She says. setverb ask_newsagent envelopes verb hand_in at doctors carried envelope has envelope usample say You hand over the envelope containing the Urine sample to Mrs Witherington. She looks pleased as punch. That's your good deed done for this month! tag urine_sample handed hide envelope add score 50 room park You are in the Tom Fallows Municipal Gardens. A well-kept public park with lush green lawns and winding gravel paths. To the east, a designated picnic area sits beneath a canopy of oak trees, offering wooden benches and a view of a tranquil pond. To the south, you can just make out the clock tower of the town hall rising above the treetops. prop display Gardens south town_hall east picnic_spot north pond room pond <div class="pond"></div>You are standing by the edge of the old town pond, where the water glistens with a murky charm. A few ducks paddle lazily, hoping for breadcrumbs from the occasional little old lady who wanders by. Moss-covered benches circle the water, inviting quiet reflection, daydreaming, or meeting shady government agents for incladestine conversations. prop display The Pond south park setverb fill_with_pond_water urine_sample at pond has urine_sample empty held urine_sample verb fill_with_pond_water urine_sample say You replace Mavis's urine with some pond water. The color is a bit darker, and there might be a tadpole or two swimming in it - but you think you can get away with it. untag urine_sample empty tag urine_sample pond add score 45 room picnic_spot <div class="picnicspot"></div>You are in a nice gladed area. You get the feeling that this might be a nice spot for a picnic. Picnic tables are scattered about and a sign reads <b>"Picnic Area"</b>. prop display Picnic Area west park southwest industrial_estate thing louts bunch of louts loc picnic_spot tags alive plural conversation desc A scruffy gang of teenage louts sprawled across the picnic benches. They're eating junk food, chucking cans into the bushes, and laughing far too loudly at things that aren't funny. verbs talk rule here louts random x 5 !eq $x 1: One of the louts sticks his middle finger up at you. !eq $x 2: A lout throw an empty beer can at you. !eq $x 3: The louts shout "Tosser!" in your direction. !eq $x 4: The louts are using terrible language. say The louts drink some beer. verb talk louts say "Push off, toff!" The louts say. setverb chase_louts stick here louts at picnic_spot carried stick verb chase_louts at picnic_spot carried stick say With a ferocious battle cry, you wave the stick wildly above your head and charge at the youts. say say "This blokes off his rocker!" One of the louts is heard to say. say "He's nuts! Let's get out of here!" say say <b>The louts run off, one of them dropping something on the ground.</b> hide louts bring bottle_of_schnapps add score 35 thing bottle_of_schnapps a bottle of peach schnapps tags portable desc A half-drunk bottle of peach schnapps. The label is peeling, and the liquid inside sloshes with the reckless promise of a fruity hangover. room industrial_estate You are standing in the shadows of a smoggy industrial estate. Huge unsightly featureless buildings rise high above you, spewing fumes and pollution. The sounds of screeching machinery fill the air. prop display Industrial Estate northwest picnic_spot east junk_yard room junk_yard <div class="junkyard"></div>You are standing amidst a chaotic sprawl of twisted metal, broken washing machines, and rusting bicycles. The air smells of oil and damp earth. Crows caw overhead, watching you with curiosity. prop display Junk Yard west industrial_estate north muddy_lane verb go north at junk_yard here dog say The great big growling dog here stands in your way. say "Growl, growl!" It says, frothy foam dangling from it's sharp, yellow fangs. thing dog great big growling dog prop desc A massive, shaggy beast with matted fur and eyes that glint with suspicion. Her low, rumbling growl never quite stops, and you get the feeling she’s just waiting for an excuse to lunge. tags alive female loc junk_yard verbs talk verb talk dog random x 3 !eq $x 1: The dog growls deep in her throat, lips curling back to reveal yellow teeth. !eq $x 2: She barks once—loud and sharp—then stares at you in silence. !eq $x 3: The dog sniffs the air, then snarls in your direction with deliberate menace. setverb give_to_dog steak here dog at junk_yard carried steak verb give_to_dog steak say You throw the steak into the bushes and the great big growling dog bound after it, it's tail-a-wagging! hide dog hide steak add score 50 room muddy_lane You are trudging along a winding, mud-slicked lane. Deep puddles ripple as the wind sighs through the overhanging trees. Your boots squelch unpleasantly with each step, and the scent of damp earth hangs in the air. prop display A Muddy Lane south junk_yard southeast cash_converters room cash_converters You are standing outside Cash Converters, where broken dreams and second-hand treasures are bought and sold for a pittance. A cracked neon sign flickers above the door, casting an eerie pink glow over the cracked pavement. prop display Outside Cash Converters east rekall northwest muddy_lane thing cash_converters cash converters loc cash_converters verbs enter prop desc A tired-looking shopfront with barred windows and faded posters offering instant cash for gold, phones, and crap. thing stick a pointy stick tags portable sellable desc The stick is covered with mayonnaise. verb enter cash_converters at cash_converters goto inside_cash_converters room inside_cash_converters You are inside cash converters. Everywhere you look, you can see DVDs. The cashier sits behind bullet proof glass, a small hole in the bottom for the exchange of goods. prop display Inside Cash Converters north cash_converters thing clerk Clark the Cash Converters Clerk loc inside_cash_converters tags alive male prop desc A gangly youth in a brightly coloured knitted jumper that looks like someone has been sick all over it. His ears, nose, and eyebrows are all pierced, and he radiates the sort of smug energy only a student can truly master. verbs talk verb talk clerk random x 5 !eq $x 1: "Capitalism's a prison, man—but I still gotta make rent. You selling or just browsing?" !eq $x 2: "This place? Yeah, it's exploitative. But, like, ironically." !eq $x 3: "We don't buy into traditional value systems here. Unless it's gold. Or skateboards." !eq $x 4: "Alwight dude, you 'ere to buy or you 'ere to sell? Ya see, we do both ere." !eq $x 5: "Alwight dude, you 'ere to buy or you 'ere to sell? Ya see, we do both ere." verb sell at inside_cash_converters eq $this bicycle_pump: The clerk looks it over. </br> "Sorry dude - not interested. We 'ave too many {$this}'s in stock in da back room, ya see." say The clerk looks it over. say "I'll give you 5 pence for it." say You nod sadly, hand over {the $this} and the clerk gives you 5 pence. hide bicycle_pump give 5_pence thing 5_pence tags portable prop desc It's a five pence piece! What more do you want me to say about it?? room rekall <div class="rekall"></div>You are standing before a towering glass skyscraper, sleek and imposing. The name "ReKall" blazes across the front in giant chrome letters, shimmering in the sunlight. The automatic doors whisper open and shut, as if beckoning you in... prop display Outside ReKall west cash_converters room lab <div class="lab"></div>You are back at Rekall, in a large white-washed room with a single reclinable leather chair in it's centre. Soot-faced children are here, unpacking expensive-looking equipment from polystyrene packed boxes, and removing shrink wrap from control panels aligned along one wall. prop display A Hi-tec Lab thing rekall ReKall loc rekall verbs enter verb enter rekall !has urine_sample handed say You still need to hand in your wife's urine sample! You should see to that first before you forget. verb enter rekall !has sandwiches eaten say You still need to eat your lunch! You're hungry! verb enter rekall goto rekall_reception add score 100 room rekall_reception You are in the main reception of Rekall. The space is vast, sterile, and metallic—like the lobby of a spaceship from a dystopian future. Your footsteps echo across the glossy marble tiles, swallowed quickly by the silence. A sleek reception desk, devoid of clutter, looms ahead of you. prop display Rekall Reception thing rekall_receptionist receptionist loc rekall_reception tags alive female prop desc A perfectly poised woman with platinum-blonde hair in a severe bun. Her icy blue eyes flicker across a monitor, and her teeth glint like freshly sharpened surgical tools. verbs talk verb talk rekall_receptionist at rekall_reception say "Hello!" You say, approaching the reception desk. say say "Ah, your here - finally!" She says, standing up from behind her desk. say "You were expecting me?" You ask, confused. say say "I've been waiting for you all day! Come this way!" say say She strides out from behind her desk and leads you into a small room. goto rekall_toilet put rekall_receptionist rekall_toilet room rekall_toilet You are in a very cramped toilet. There is a mop and bucket leant against the wall. The stench is almost unbearable. west rekall_reception prop display A Cramped Toilet rule at rekall_toilet here rekall_receptionist say say The receptionist stares at you expectingly. verb go west at rekall_toilet here rekall_receptionist say say The receptionist stops you. say say "Where are you going?" She asks. verb go west at rekall_toilet !here rekall_receptionist say The receptionist told you to wait here. verb talk rekall_receptionist at rekall_toilet eq rekall_toilet.turns 0 say "Why have you brought me in here?" You ask. say say "The flush doesn't work." She says, gesturing to the toilet. add rekall_toilet.turns 1 verb talk rekall_receptionist at rekall_toilet eq rekall_toilet.turns 1 say "Well, what do you want <i>me</i> to do about it??" say say "Fix it of course! Go and get your tools!" She replies, quite clearly getting irritated with you. add rekall_toilet.turns 1 verb talk rekall_receptionist at rekall_toilet eq rekall_toilet.turns 2 say "There must be some mistake...I'm not here to repair the toilet - I want to book an appointment for a VR experience. This is Rekall isn't it? Where all your dreams can come true?" say say The receptionist blinks. say say "Oh, I'm terribly sorry!" She wails - "I took you for a toilet engineer! Wait right here, I'll go and get Doctor Brainfiddle right now!" say say <b>The receptionist walks out of the toilet, closing the door behind her.</b> add rekall_toilet.turns 1 hide rekall_receptionist add score 25 verb wait at rekall_toilet !here rekall_receptionist gt rekall_toilet.turns 2 say You wait about 20 minutes, when suddenly in walks Doctor Brainfiddle. He closes the door of the toilet behind him. bring brainfiddle say say "So..." Doctor Brainfiddle says, shaking your hand, "I believe you would like me to make all your dreams come true!" untag brainfiddle conversation verb talk brainfiddle at rekall_toilet say "A friend recommended you to me. I was interested in learning a little more about your services..." You say. say say "Of course!" Brainfiddle says, "Take any dream or fantasy you’ve ever imagined, and we can help make it a reality! Ever wondered what it would be like to work in human resources? We can make it happen. Any job—any life. Have you ever wanted to be a shoemaker?" say say "No." say say "Assistant librarian? Cocktail waitress? Panel beater? What about our assembly line worker package? We have a special at the moment… 10% off!" say say "But I’m already an assembly line worker!" say say "Yes, but have you ever been an assembly line worker in <i>Kettering?</i>" say say "I’m starting to think this isn’t what I’m looking for at all..." " say say "Wait, wait..." Dr. Brainfiddle says, placing a hand on your shoulder. "There is one package that might interest you. I’m not really supposed to be telling you about this...You step into the life of a hobbit. You then go on a dangerous quest filled with dragons, giants, goblins, orcs, elves—that sort of thing." say say "Marvellous! That sounds exactly like what I had in mind!" say say "Great—then it’s all settled. Just sign here. Here. And here. I’ll get everything ready on my end. All you need to do is come back at 8 p.m. this evening. Bring loose-fitting clothes, your checkbook, some slippers, proof that you’re over 18 and a will if you have one." say say <b>With that, you shuffle off, only to return at 8 p.m. that very same evening...</b> say goto lab bring brainfiddle tag brainfiddle conversation tag brainfiddle syringe at lab thing brainfiddle Doctor Brainfiddle loc lab tags alive male conversation verbs talk prop desc Doctor Brainfiddle is a wiry man in a grubby lab coat, with wild eyes and a pencil-thin moustache that twitches when he speaks. He carries a clipboard everywhere he goes. prop start_conversation Doctor Brainfiddle squints at you suspiciously, tapping his clipboard. prop end_conversation Doctor Brainfiddle turns away to recalibrate some blinking machinery. thing headset virtual reality headset loc lab tags portable prop desc A sleek, high-tech headset with mirrored lenses and padded straps. verb take headset say "Don't touch that!" Doctor Brainfiddle snaps. thing chair reclining leather chair loc lab verbs sit prop desc A wide, dark leather reclining leather chair dominates the centre of the lab. verb sit chair has clothes worn say "Please take your trousers off before sitting in the chair. It's for a scientific reason, you understand." verb sit chair run experiment add score 75 proc experiment say You take your trousers off, sit down in the chair and Doctor Brainfiddle straps you in tightly. He then goes over to one of the newly-installed control panels, turns on Windows 95 and starts typing.<br><br>"Let me see now... you want to be a hobbit...you want to go on a quest... OK... one moment... nearly done.... there!"<br><br>He finishes typing and walks over to you, brandishing the long syringe.<br><br>"All that's left is to inject this directly into the frontal lobe of your brain! Now - if I can remember where the frontal lobe is..."<br><br>"What?? Just a minute!!" You cry out...<br><br>The doctor stabs the syringe into your temple. After a few minutes he checks your pulse, and turns round to one of the sooty children. <br><br> "I think you'd best call an ambulance, Timmy!" say untag brainfiddle syringe goto hospital_ward setverb ask_brainfiddle boxes at lab verb ask_brainfiddle boxes say "All this equipment looks very new, am I the first the try this machine?" You ask<br><br>"As a matter of fact, you are - congratulations!"<br><br>"How do you know if it's safe or not?"<br><br>"Only one way to find out! Now take your trousers off!" setverb ask_brainfiddle chair at lab verb ask_brainfiddle chair say "After you've taken your trousers off, I need to strap you into the chair and then we can begin." setverb ask_brainfiddle syringe at lab verb ask_brainfiddle syringe say "This little beauty contains your virtual reality experience - in liquid form. I just need to inject it directly into your brain, then you put on the virtual reality headset over there." setverb ask_brainfiddle children at lab verb ask_brainfiddle children say "We employ them as staff—they work much cheaper than fully grown adults. Almost 99.9999% cheaper, as a matter of fact!" #part 2: hobbington room hospital_ward prop desc <div class="ward"></div>You are lying in a stiff hospital bed, the scent of disinfectant clinging to the air. A tight bandage wraps your head, and a plaster decorates your elbow like a sad badge of honour. Your memories are hazy. prop display In a hospital bed south hospital_corridor verb go south at hospital_ward goto hospital_corridor write hospital_ward.desc You are standing in a quiet hospital ward. The bed you were in still looks warm. verb wait at hospital_ward say "I'll be back to check on you later!" Nurse Rosemary says. say Nurse Rosemary wanders off. put nurse_rosemary janitors_closet put doctor janitors_closet thing nurse_rosemary Nurse Rosemary tags alive female loc hospital_ward verbs talk prop desc She is young, attractive and has a nurse’s smile that could melt a fever, with eyes too kind for this world. thing bunch_of_grapes tags edible portable loc hospital_ward verb take bunch_of_grapes here nurse_rosemary say Nurse Rosemary slaps your hand. say "You're too sick to be eating grapes!" she scolds. room hospital_corridor prop desc You are in a bland hospital corridor lit by flickering fluorescent lights. Faint beeping echoes from distant wards. Signs point east to reception. Nurses rush past with purpose; some carry clipboards, others steaming cups of tea. prop display Hospital Corridor north hospital_ward east hospital_reception south janitors_closet west smokingarea thing janitor loc hospital_corridor tags alive male prop met_name The Janitor verbs talk prop desc He has a grey moustache, oil on his overalls, and more wrinkles than the hotel’s linen. # Random replies when talking verb talk janitor random x 3 !eq $x 1: "Just try not to make more mess, alright?" !eq $x 2: "Been cleaning this corridor since '94. Never ends." !eq $x 3: "You seen my dustpan? I left it somewhere around here..." verb go west at hospital_corridor here cleaning_trolley say A bulky cleaning trolley is wedged in front of the door to the smoking area. You can’t get past it. thing cleaning_trolley loc hospital_corridor prop desc A bulky cleaning trolley piled high with mops, sprays, and a half-eaten sandwich. room smokingarea You are in a walled-off outdoor area where hospital staff come to smoke. The air is thick with nicotine and secrets. A large skip squats in the corner. prop display Smoking Area east hospital_corridor thing skip loc smokingarea prop desc A large yellow portable skip, set on wheels and used for hospital waste. thing five_pound_note A five pound note tags portable loc smokingarea verb take five_pound_note at smokingarea !carried five_pound_note say Just as you reach down to grab the note, a sudden gust of wind lifts it... say <b>...and whisks it behind the skip!</b> put five_pound_note behind_skip goto behind_skip add score 5 room behind_skip prop desc You crouch down behind the skip, reaching for the note. prop display Behind the Skip rule at behind_skip say You grab the note — but just then, you hear footsteps approaching. say say Peering through a gap in the bins, you see Doctor Feely and Nurse Rosemary sneak out into the smoking area, giggling. say say They embrace, kiss clumsily, and Nurse Rosemary slaps his hand away from her bottom. “Not here!” she whispers, blushing. They scurry off. carry five_pound_note hide nurse_rosemary goto smokingarea tag doctor seenkissing setverb ask_doctor Nurse_Rosemary has doctor seenkissing setverb ask_doctor Nurse_Battersby has nurse_battersby block has doctor blackmail thing doctor Doctor Feely tags alive male conversation loc hospital_corridor prop desc A young, handsome doctor, with the smile of a cad and a bounder. room janitors_closet prop desc You are in a cramped janitor’s closet. It smells like bleach. prop display Janitor's Closet north hospital_corridor rule at janitors_closet here doctor here nurse_rosemary say Doctor Feely and Nurse Rosemary are kissing. His hands are on her bottom. say Nurse Rosemary goes bright red, quickly adjusts her corset and runs away. hide nurse_rosemary tag doctor seenkissing verb ask_doctor Nurse_Rosemary say "You... You saw that?? It wasn't what it looked like..." Doctor Feely says, sweating. "But there's no need to tell anyone... is there? I'm a married man...with a mistress! You wouldn't want to ruin all that for me?" tag doctor blackmail verb ask_doctor Nurse_Battersby has doctor seenkissing: "She's quite right - you can't leave the hospital until I'm satisfied you're cured. Now go back to bed!" has doctor blackmail: "She's quite right - you can't leave the hospital until I'm satisfied you're cured. Now go back to bed!" say "Of course... I'll go and tell her that you're cured and you can leave whenever you like! After all, we're all friends here...aren't we!" say Doctor Feely says before walking off towards reception. put doctor hospital_reception thing dustpan_and_brush tags portable loc janitors_closet cverbs examine empty desc A dustpan filled with grey hospital dust. tags dust verb examine dustpan_and_brush !has dustpan_and_brush busticket: You examine it closely. Your nose gets covered in dust. say You find a crumpled bus ticket tangled in the bristles of the brush. carry bus_ticket add score 25 tag dustpan_and_brush busticket verb empty dustpan_and_brush !has dustpan_and_brush empty at hospital_ward say You tip the contents of the dustpan onto the ward floor. A small cloud of grey dust billows briefly. tag dustpan_and_brush empty run move_janitor_to_ward untag dustpan_and_brush dust verb empty dustpan_and_brush has dustpan_and_brush empty say It's already empty. verb empty dustpan_and_brush !at hospital_ward say You probably shouldn't do that here. Someone might see you making a mess. # Move janitor (and trolley) to the ward proc move_janitor_to_ward sayat hospital_corridor The janitor looks up. "What the–? Dust in the ward?!" sayat hospital_corridor Muttering to himself, he pushes the trolley away. put janitor hospital_ward put cleaning_trolley hospital_ward sayat hospital_ward The janitor arrives, grumbling, and starts sweeping again. add score 25 thing bus_ticket tags portable prop desc A flimsy cardboard ticket with the hospital logo stamped faintly on it. Slightly bent, but still valid — probably. room hospital_reception prop desc You are at the hospital reception. The walls are plastered with faded posters and angry patients shift in uncomfortable chairs. A stern nurse guards the exit. prop display Hospital Reception west hospital_corridor north car_park thing nurse_battersby Nurse Battersby tags female alive loc hospital_reception prop desc Built like a battleship in a starch-white uniform, and twice as intimidating. verb go north at hospital_reception here nurse_battersby !here doctor say Nurse Battersby stops you. </br> "Just where do you think you're going?? Get back to bed – you're in no condition to be walking around. You can't leave unless the doctor tells me you can!" tag nurse_battersby block verb talk doctor at hospital_corridor random x 3 !eq $x 1: "Have you seen my stethoscope? I think I left it in the cafeteria." !eq $x 2: "I’m extremely busy saving lives, thank you very much." !eq $x 3: "That rash on your arm — probably nothing. Probably." verb talk doctor at janitors_closet random x 3 !eq $x 1: "You're not going to tell anyone about that... are you?" !eq $x 2: "Purely a medical examination. Entirely professional." !eq $x 3: "This hospital runs on discretion. And caffeine." verb talk nurse_rosemary at hospital_ward random x 3 !eq $x 1: "Now, now — no more grapes until the doctor says so." !eq $x 2: "Try to rest. You’ve had quite the knock to the head." !eq $x 3: "You should be resting! You've had quite a nasty experience!" room car_park prop display Car Park prop desc You stand in the hospital’s desolate car park, where the smell of warm tarmac mingles with the ghost of petrol fumes. Faint oil rainbows shimmer in puddles near the drain covers. Rows of weary vehicles huddle under the grey sky, boxed in by crooked yellow lines like inmates. To the south, the glass doors of the hospital glint dully. The road to freedom lies to the east. south hospital_reception east bus_stop room bus_stop prop display Bus Stop prop desc <div class="busstop"></div>You are at a lonely bus stop on the edge of the hospital grounds. A cracked plastic shelter rattles in the wind. The faded timetable behind a smeared panel gives the schedule of the buses. Should a bus arrive at the scheduled time on this timetable, that would be a first. west car_park thing bus loc nowhere prop desc A lumbering red double-decker bus, its windows streaked with years of weather and fingerprints. The upper deck promises a better view, but only fools expect comfort. tags vehicle verbs board verb wait at bus_stop say A diesel growl announces the arrival of a double-decker bus. It shudders to a stop beside you. bring bus verb board bus at bus_stop here bus !carried bus_ticket say The driver narrows his eyes at you. "Ticket please." say You pat your pockets in vain. say "No ticket, no ride," he says flatly, and with a hiss of hydraulics, the doors close. say The bus pulls away, leaving only exhaust in its wake. hide bus verb board bus at bus_stop here bus carried bus_ticket say <b>You flash the driver your ticket. He barely nods. You climb to the top deck and settle into a stained seat as the bus rumbles to life.</b> goto top_deck add score 65 room top_deck prop display Top Deck of the Bus prop desc You're seated on the top deck, surrounded by red vinyl benches faded with use. Dirty windows blur the passing countryside into streaks of green and gold. The engine hums below like a mechanical lullaby, vibrating through the soles of your feet. verb wait at top_deck !eq top_deck.wait 5 run mike_board proc mike_board add top_deck.wait 1 !eq top_deck.wait 1: You sit back, letting the landscape drift past. The horizon seems impossibly far away. !eq top_deck.wait 2: You drum your fingers on the window as the bus passes a greengrocer's, its awning flapping like a signal. !eq top_deck.wait 3: You hum a nameless tune. Outside, a chip shop blurs into view, then vanishes again. !eq top_deck.wait 4: The bus hisses to a stop. A few passengers get on and off, none of them paying you any mind. The door shuts. The journey continues. say <b>Someone drops heavily into the seat beside you.</b> say say It’s Mike Dobson. Familiar smile, unfamiliar coldness in his eyes. His hand is in his coat pocket — and the shape pressing into your ribs makes the intent unmistakable. say say "You blabbed, Crowe. You told them about Hobbington." He leans closer. "We get off at the next stop. You’re coming with me." say say The bus passes a sweet shop, its neon sign flickering like a faulty memory. bring mike setverb judo_chop mike at top_deck !here gun !carried gun verb judo_chop mike at top_deck here mike say With a sudden twist, you drive the side of your hand into Mike's wrist. The gun clatters to the floor, sliding beneath a seat. bring gun add score 25 thing gun loc nowhere prop desc A compact black pistol, scratched and cold to the touch. It hums with imminent violence. tags portable cverbs shoot verb shoot gun at top_deck here mike say You raise the gun and level it at Mike’s head. He freezes. say say "Dave — don't. Think about this. We were friends!" say say <b>You squeeze the trigger. The shot cracks like thunder. Mike slumps sideways, eyes wide, blood blooming across the window like a red Rorschach.</b> say say "This is your stop, Mike!" You spit, then press the bell. Behind you, schoolkids stare in silence - their future mental health suddenly taken a turn for the worse. say say You step off at the next stop, walking the rest of the way home through the dusk. say say Mavis is waiting in the front room, arms crossed. say say "You're back early," she says. "Bad day at work?" say say You tell her everything — about ReKall, about Mike. You even mention the one-liner. She doesn’t laugh. say say "Mike? Tried to kill you? That doesn’t make sense. Dave — don’t you see? ReKall’s scrambled your brain!" say say You shake your head. say "I just want a shower and an episode of Tipping Point." say goto shower run dropall add score 50 proc dropall all carried hide $this verb shoot gun say Not here! Somebody might get hurt! room shower Steam curls around you, blurring the edges of the tiled walls and muffling the world beyond the glass door. Warm water drums steadily against your skin, echoing in the small, tiled space like distant rainfall. prop display In the shower verbs clean scrub wash exfoliate exit_shower verb clean say You add some shower gel into the palm of your hand and clean your legs. verb scrub say You add some shower gel into the palm of your hand and scrub your armpits. verb wash say You add some shower gel into the palm of your hand and wash behind your ears. verb exfoliate say You add some of your wifes exfoliation stuff into the palm of your hand and exfoliate everywhere. verb exit_shower say You decide you are clean enough, wrap a towel around your waste and go into your bedroom. say goto bedroomlater bring wardrobe verb wear dressing_gown say You wear the fluffy, white dressing gown. tag dressing_gown worn unhold dressing_gown !has landing_men inside tag landing_men arrived verb remove dressing_gown say Not a good idea unless you want to walk around naked! rule has landing_men arrived !has landing_men inside say say <i><b>You hear the doorbell ring, and the sounds of Mavis going to answer it.</i></b> tag landing_men inside room bedroomlater <div class="bedroom"></div>You are in your bedroom. The room is tidy and warmly lived-in, with matching bedside tables flanking a neatly made double bed. A soft floral duvet covers the mattress, and a pair of fluffy slippers are tucked just beneath the edge. On one side, there’s a stack of paperbacks and a reading lamp; on the other, a phone charger and a half-used bottle of hand cream. A framed wedding photo sits on the dresser, surrounded by a few scented candles and a dish of loose change and earrings. To the east, a white-painted door leads out to the landing. prop display Bedroom east landing_men thing phone bedroom phone loc bedroomlater proc phonering !has phone used !has phone ringing say say <i><b>The bedroom phone starts to ring.</i></b> tag phone ringing rule has phone ringing say say <i><b>The bedroom phone is ringing...</i></b> say setverb answer phone at bedroomlater has phone ringing verb answer phone at bedroomlater has phone ringing say You pick up the phone. say say "Dave Crowe?" The voice on the other end asks. say say "Yes...who is..." say say "We were buddies back in the agency in Hobbington...There's no time for questions! Quickly... get inside the wardrobe!" say say The line goes dead. say untag phone ringing tag phone used add score 25 setverb enter wardrobe has phone used verb enter wardrobe goto inside_wardrobe thing dressing_gown tags wearable portable loc bedroomlater room landing_men You are on the landing. There is a bedroom to the west and a bathroom to the north. Stairs lead down. prop display The landing west bedroomlater down hallway north bathroomlater rule has landing_men inside add landing_men.men 1 rule at landing_men has landing_men inside !gt landing_men.men 7: The men with guns are coming up the stairs! They see you!! They switch their safety catches off and give you a grin. eq landing_men.men 2: <i>You can hear Mavis downstairs talking to some strange men.</i> rule at landing_men has landing_men arrived say say "He remembers! What are we going to do!?" Mavis is saying. say say "Don't worry Mavis, we're going to shoot his bollocks off, that's what we're going to do!" say say Oh no! You left your gun downstairs on the mantelpiece! say run phonering untag landing_men arrived rule at landing_men gt landing_men.men 9 say The men are upon you! Each one takes turns shooting you. You collapse in a bloody heap on the landing. say die Your quest is at an end. rule at bedroomlater gt landing_men.men 10 say <i>You hear the men outside your bedroom door!</i> rule at bedroomlater gt landing_men.men 11 say say The men burst into the bedroom, blasting their guns! Each one takes turns emptying their guns into your young, supple flesh. You collapse in a bloody heap by your bedside. say die Your quest is at an end. verb go down at landing_men !has dressing_gown worn say You're not decent - you need to put some clothes on first! verb go down at landing_men has landing_men inside say You can't go down there! Those men will shoot you! room bathroomlater <div class="bathroomlater"></div>You are in the bathroom. A toilet with a down the side is here, along with a bathtub with a crack down the side, and medicine cabinet with a mirror (with a crack down the middle). prop display The Bathroom south landing_men room inside_wardrobe You are inside your wardrobe. The floor is covered with your wife's shoes. Comfortable shoes, elegant shoes, out-on-the-town shoes, around-the-house shoes, washing-up shoes, watching-tv shoes, walking shoes, standing-still shoes, bowling shoes (they are yours.). Shirts, dresses and trousers hang from the rail. prop display Inside the Wardrobe verbs exit_wardrobe verb exit_wardrobe goto bathroomlater thing corduroy_pants corduroy pants loc inside_wardrobe tags portable prop desc You don't like them any more, and haven't worn them for years. verb take corduroy_pants say As you reach for the hanger, there's a sharp click — not from the hanger, but from somewhere beneath your feet. Before you can react, the bottom panel of the wardrobe gives a soft groan and slides back, revealing a dark, yawning chute. say say You don't even have time to cry. say say You plunge downward. say say You are falling... say say ...falling... say say ...still falling... say say The air rushes past your ears in a silent scream. say say And then — with a bone-jarring thud — you hit stone. say say Pain radiates up your spine. You groan. You think you've put your back out. say goto tunnel_like_hall add score 200 # HOBBINGTON room tunnel_like_hall prop display Comfortable Tunnel-like Hall prop desc <div class="tunnelhall"></div>You are in a comfortable Tunnel-like hall. To the east there is the round green door. east hobbington setverb put_toothpaste_in_chest wooden_chest at tunnel_like_hall held sack has sack won thing wooden_chest loc tunnel_like_hall tags container verbs open prop desc A squat wooden chest sits near the wall, carved with runes that suggest a much older time. The lid creaks ominously when touched. prop contents multiple thing flyer tags portable prop desc A cheap promotional flyer with smeared ink and a faint, musky perfume. prop contained_in wooden_chest cverbs read verb read flyer say It's a flyer for *The Last Resort*, a nightclub on the edge of Hobbington. On the back, scrawled in haste: <b>*Ask for Melina.*</b> tag flyer read thing bunch_of_cash tags portable prop desc A thick wad of grubby notes, bound together with a rubber band. prop contained_in wooden_chest room hobbington prop display Hobbington Village prop desc The heart of the village hums with quiet industry. Cobbled paths wind between moss-covered hobbit holes and tilted signposts. Smoke curls from chimneys into a violet sky, while hobbits mill about with baskets, tools, and mild complaints. You hear the distant thud of a blacksmith’s hammer and the occasional bleating of sheep. west tunnel_like_hall east market_square north gloomy room gloomy <div class="gloomy"></div>You are in a gloomy empty land with dreary hills ahead. prop display gloomy empty land north north_road south hobbington rule at hobbington run random_hobbit_activity proc random_hobbit_activity say random x 3 !eq $x 1: A hobbit with red sideburns mutters to himself: "Never trust a Took with your rhubarb..." !eq $x 2: You see Belladonna Proudfoot haggling over a pie, slapping the vendor with a mitten for trying to raise the price. !eq $x 3: A young hobbit named Timwise zips past you on a scooter, nearly toppling over a wheelbarrow of mushrooms. thing taxicab loc hobbington verbs climb_in prop desc A squat, yellow wagon-like cab with hand-painted signs. Its wheels creak and groan with every gust of wind. verb climb_in taxicab say You knock on the taxi window. A hairy arm rolls it down, revealing a beady-eyed hobbit in mirrored shades. say say "Where to, big-fella?" he asks, scratching his neck. say goto inside_taxi room inside_taxi prop display Back Seat of a Taxicab prop desc The air is thick with the scent of stale pipe smoke and pickled onion crisps. A pine-scented charm shaped like a dragon dangles from the mirror. You feel slightly too large for the upholstery. verbs exit_taxi thing taxi_driver loc inside_taxi tags alive male conversation prop desc A wiry hobbit with nicotine-stained fingers and an encyclopedic knowledge of Shire backroads. verbs talk prop start_conversation The taxi driver glances at you in the rear-view mirror, then turns his head slowly to look at you over the seat. "Something on your mind, friend?" prop end_conversation The taxi driver shrugs and turns back to the wheel, humming a slow tune that sounds vaguely like 'Brand new key' by the Wurzels. setverb ask_taxi_driver name at inside_taxi rule at inside_taxi gt daiquiri.drank 3 say say The taxi starts to spin round and round. You feel a little drunk! say say <b>Suddenly, you throw up all over the back seat.</b> say say "Nooo!" The taxi driver cries, "It'll take me ages to clean that up! <b>GET OUT OF MY TAXI!</b>" say goto the_last_resort hide taxicab tag taxicab sick verb ask_taxi_driver name at inside_taxi say "My name's Benny, Mac! Thanks for asking.. not many people do. I've got 5 little hobbits to feed, so all tips are appreciated." setverb ask_taxi_driver the_last_resort has flyer read !at secret_tunnel !thingat taxicab the_last_resort setverb ask_taxi_driver hobbiton at inside_taxi !thingat taxicab hobbington verb ask_taxi_driver the_last_resort at inside_taxi carried bunch_of_cash say The taxi pulls up to the curb. You pay the fare and get out. say goto the_last_resort put taxicab the_last_resort assign taxilocation the_last_resort verb ask_taxi_driver hobbiton at inside_taxi !thingat taxicab hobbington say The taxi pulls up to the curb. You pay the fare and get out. goto hobbington put taxicab hobbington assign taxilocation hobbington verb ask_taxi_driver the_last_resort at inside_taxi !carried bunch_of_cash say "I'll need to see some cash before I take you anywheres, pal!" verb exit_taxi goto $taxilocation room market_square prop display The Market Square prop desc The square bustles with life. Makeshift stalls line the road, selling everything from turnip wine to forged family trees. A chorus of bartering voices blends with the clatter of wooden carts. Somewhere, a street bard wheezes out a tune on a battered accordion. west hobbington east east_road thing inn loc market_square verbs enter prop desc A crooked wooden sign dangles above the door of the Green Dragon Inn, swinging in the breeze. thing toothpaste_shop Thorin's Toothpaste Store loc market_square verbs enter prop desc The store has gone to rack and ruin. There is a sign on the door saying 'Closed forever'. verb enter toothpaste_shop say There is a sign on the door saying 'Closed forever'. verb enter inn goto inn room inn prop desc <div class="greendragon"></div>Inside the inn, the scent of ale, old wood, and roast root vegetables clings to every surface. A fire crackles in the hearth, casting long shadows over wooden benches filled with hobbits arguing about riddles and politics. out market_square prop display The Green Dragon Inn room east_road prop display The East Road prop desc The road stretches out into low hills, eventually leading to the Bridge of Doom. The gravel is damp and the wind is picking up. You can hear something howling faintly in the distance. west hobbington room north_road prop display The North Road prop desc Towering green hills give way to dense woods. Branches claw at the sky like gnarled fingers. The road north winds into uncertainty. north forest south gloomy room the_last_resort prop display The Last Resort prop desc <div class="lastresort"></div>You are outside the nightclub "The Last Resort". The only discoteque in Hobbiton! A Neon sign flickers against the haze of cigerette smoke. Thudding bass pulses through the walls. A velvet rope separates this shadowy nightclub from the road outside. verbs enter verb enter at the_last_resort goto dance_floor room dance_floor prop display Dance Floor prop desc <div class="dancefloor"></div>The bassline threatens to unseat your heart. The strobes slice through darkness, illuminating a sweaty crowd of hobbits, elves, and the occasional reforming goblin grinding to an off-brand disco beat. The DJ, wearing sunglasses indoors, pumps his fist repeatedly. To the south is the bar. A velvet rope guards the eastern VIP section. south last_resort_bar east vip_area verbs leave_club room vip_area prop display VIP Area west dance_floor east vip_toilet prop desc You are in the velvet-rope sanctuary of the Last Resort's VIP lounge. The low thrum of bass seeps through the padded walls. Hobbits and Elves lounge in curved leather booths, bathed in violet light, sipping sharp cocktails from crystal glasses. You feel eyes flick toward you, then away.<br><br>A bunch of hobbits are sat around a glass table. room vip_toilet You are in the VIP multi-sex toilets. It's nice in here - gleaming polished surfaces. Very plush! west vip_area prop display VIP Toilets rule at vip_toilet has hobbits gone say say Where on earth did all the hobbits go? You definitely saw them come in here... thing toilet_cubicle loc vip_toilet prop desc There is a sign on the door saying <b>OUT OF ORDER</b>. verbs enter verb enter toilet_cubicle goto inside_toilet_cubicle room inside_toilet_cubicle You are inside a toilet cubicle. There is a sign hanging on the flush which says "<u><b>BROKEN. DO NOT USE</b></u>" verbs leave prop display Inside Toilet Cubicle thing broken_flush loc inside_toilet_cubicle verbs flush prop desc A flush (broken) with a sign hanging on it (saying it's broken.). verb flush broken_flush has hobbits gone: Why? It's broken and you haven't even been to the toilet. say Taking no notice of the sign, you flush the toilet. say To your amazement, the toilet rocks back on a hinge, revealing a secret tunnel beneath! open inside_toilet_cubicle down secret_tunnel hide broken_flush verb leave at inside_toilet_cubicle goto vip_toilet rule at vip_toilet random x 8 eq $x 4 say A hobbit walks out of one of the cubicles. His eyes are red and he's rubbing nis nose. thing mel Melina tags alive female conversation prop desc A tough, beautiful, athletic elf with a quick temper and quicker reflexes. Her eyes flash with fire. She probably knows karate. verbs talk prop start_conversation Melina crosses her arms and gives you her attention. prop end_conversation She brushes a lock of hair out of her eyes and goes back to keeping an eye on things. thing hobbits bunch of hobbits loc vip_area tags alive plural prop desc A rowdy gaggle of short, sunburnt hobbits in loud Hawaiian shirts. Their breath reeks of mead, and their dental hygiene is just shocking, frankly. verbs talk rule at vip_area here hobbits random x 5 eq $x 3 say say One of the hobbits stands up and goes to the toilet. He comes back a few moments later, a glassy look in his eye and a strange grin. setverb say_mel hello at last_resort_bar setverb ask_mel Baldo at vip_area setverb ask_mel Hobbits at vip_area verb ask_mel Hobbits say You enquire about the hobbits sat at your table. say say Mel points at each one individually. "May I present Vimto, Bunion, Titch, Badger and Nipple." say say "Hi guys!" You shake each Hobbits hand one by one. say tag hobbits done verb talk mel gt daiquiri.drank 3 say You go to speak to Mel, but you are more drunk than you first thought. You can't get your words out! say say You try to tell her how beautiful she is, but instead you feel yourself start to vomit. You quickly pick up the champagne bucket and are sick inside it. say say Mel throws a glass of iced water over you, which sobers you up quickly. assign daiquiri.drank 0 rule here hobbits chance 1 5 say pick hobbit these Vimto Bunion Titch Badger Nipple say {$hobbit} starts singing a song about gold. verb talk hobbits random x 6 !eq $x 1: "Vimto raises his glass. 'To the good life — and gooseberries!'" !eq $x 2: "Bunion belches. 'You ever tried kissing a dwarf? Slippery buggers.'" !eq $x 3: "Titch grins. 'I once stole a pony from a wizard. Still have the hooves.'" !eq $x 4: "Badger leans in, whispering, 'I heard Nipple’s got a tattoo of Randalf on his backside.'" !eq $x 5: "Nipple squints through one eye. 'Did someone spike my daiquiri with Ent-draught again?'" !eq $x 6: "Vimto sighs. 'You know what I miss? Third Breakfast. And me ex-wife. But mostly Third Breakfast.'" rule at vip_area has hobbits done here hobbits random x 4 eq $x 1 run riders rule at vip_area here darkriders here mel say say Melina is here, vailiantly holding back the dark riders with a broken bottle of Krystal. proc riders say say <b>Suddenly - a scream cuts through the nightclub!</b> say say On the dance floor there is chaos. A group of cloaked strangers burst through the mirrored wall, swords slicing through the haze and hobbits alike. Heads hit the floor with soft, wet thuds. say say "It's the Dark Riders!!" Melina cries. "Quick – into the escape tunnel! I'll try and hold them off - I'll meet you inside the tunnel!" say say The VIP Hobbits spring into motion and pile into the VIP toilet. put hobbits secret_tunnel hide taxicab untag taxi_driver conversation put darkriders vip_area tag hobbits gone write vip_area.desc You are in the VIP area of the Last Resort. The place is a mess of broken champagne bottles and dead hobbits. Blood covers the walls and floor. bring bottle !has taxicab sick put taxi_driver secret_tunnel add score 55 thing bottle tags portable prop desc A bottle half full of a dark brown liquid. The label on the bottle says "Shire Ale". It looks potent, flammable stuff! thing matchbook tags portable loc vip_area prop desc The matchbook has The Last Resort on the cover. It has a single match left inside it. verb ask_mel Baldo say "Where have you <i>been</i> these last 10 months, Baldo? You just disappeared. Things have got worse in Hobbiton since you left. The evil Tom Fallows now has total control over the toothpaste industry." verb say_mel hello say "Hello!" you say, your voice barely heard over the deep throb of bass. say say <b>SLAP!</b> say say The palm of her hand leaves a mark on your cheek. say say "I thought you were dead!! Where have you been, Baldo?" say say "My name's not Baldo... it's Dave! And I don't remember who you are!" say say Her voice cracks like ice underfoot. "What are you talking about?? Your name is Baldo Bobbins and you were my boyfriend! Before you disappeared for ten months!" say say "I don't, I don't...remember." say say "Look, we can't talk here - let's go over to the VIP area." say say You follow her past the bouncer and the velvet rope into the VIP area. say goto vip_area put mel vip_area verb go east at dance_floor thingat mel vip_area say A bulky hobbit blocks your path. He's built like a wine barrel and has a shiner the size of a plum. say say "VIPs only," he growls, arms crossed like castle gates. say say Then a voice cuts through the sweat and neon— say say "It's OK – he's with me," says a dark-haired elf in six-inch heels and a dead-eyed stare. say say The hobbit nods, unhooks the velvet rope, and you step into the shadows of the lounge. say goto vip_area verb go east at dance_floor !thingat mel vip_area say A bulky hobbit with a shiner and a gold-plated tooth bars your way. say "VIPs only," he grunts, unmoved. verb go west at vip_area here darkriders here mel say say "What are you doing, you fool!" Mel screams at you, "Get to the tunnel!!" verb talk mel here darkriders say say "What are you doing, you fool!" Mel screams at you, "Get to the tunnel!!" room last_resort_bar The bar is sticky and glowing. Bottles line the mirrored wall in neat pyramids, half-filled with syrupy liquor. A crooked neon sign flickers overhead, spelling out "DAIQUIRIS" in buzzing pink. This is where the lost come to drown quietly before crawling back to their holes. prop display Last Resort Bar north dance_floor thing prostitute three-breasted hobbit loc last_resort_bar tags alive female verbs talk prop desc A cheeky, busty hobbit with an extra helping of charm—literally. She stands confidently at the bar, grinning through lipstick-smeared teeth, her eyes twinkling with mischief. Her low-cut corset struggles heroically to contain her three ample assets, which she flaunts with no small amount of pride. The smell of ale, pipe smoke, and cheap perfume clings to her like a second skin. verb talk prostitute random x 3 !eq $x 1: "Well, well, handsome. You look like you could use some company tonight." !eq $x 2: "I bet you wish you had 3 hands, don't you sugar?" !eq $x 3: "Don’t be shy, darling. The night’s young and so am I." say You shrug her off, not really in the mood. thing barman barman with rotten teeth loc last_resort_bar tags alive male conversation prop desc A scruffy dwarf with a tangled beard and the worst teeth you've ever seen—yellow, cracked, and seemingly moving of their own accord. His eyes are bloodshot, and he polishes glasses with a rag that might be dirtier than the glasses. verbs talk prop start_conversation The barman squints at you, one eyebrow twitching. "You lost or just ugly?" prop end_conversation The barman snorts and goes back to wiping the same glass he’s been polishing since you walked in. setverb ask_barman melina !has barman mel setverb ask_barman drink verb ask_barman drink say "We’ve got a special on tonight – Gooseberry Daiquiris." say say "I'll try a Goosberry Daiquiri please!" You say. say say The barman puts one down in front of you. bring daiquiri thing daiquiri Gooseberry Daiquiri verbs drink prop desc A lurid green cocktail in a martini glass. The smell alone could strip paint, but it's popular with the locals. verb drink daiquiri say say You sip it slowly. It's very nice, so you sip some more. say You pour the rest of the glass down your neck. hide daiquiri add daiquiri.drank 1 verb ask_barman melina held bunch_of_cash say "What do you want with Melina?" the barman asks, polishing a glass with a rag that looks dirtier than the floor. "The thing is...Mel’s picky. Real picky about who she talks to." say say <b>You slap the wad of cash down on the bar.</b> He raises an eyebrow. say say "MEL!!!" He shouts over to the VIP lounge, "Some bloke here to see you!" say say A long-legged elf with dark brown hair walks over. The barman scoops up the money and goes back to serving customers. bring mel hide bunch_of_cash tag barman mel verb ask_barman melina say "What do you want with Melina?" the barman asks, narrowing his eyes. say say "The thing is..." he continues, "Mel’s real picky about who she talks to..." verb leave_club at dance_floor goto the_last_resort room secret_tunnel The tunnel reeks - damp stone and... other things. Candles sputter against the slime-lined walls, their light barely holding back the dark. You hear the muffled thump of dance music far behind you, swallowed by rock. Shadows shift. prop display A Secret Tunnel southeast more_tunnel up vip_toilet tags tunnel verb go up at secret_tunnel has molotov_cocktail used say There is no going back there now! There is only forwards! rule at secret_tunnel !has shirt available random x 5 eq $x 1: <br>It's very warn in this tunnel...and only getting warmer! say "I'm getting too hot..." Bunion says, taking off his Aloha Hawaiian shirt and throwing it to the ground. bring shirt tag shirt available thing shirt Aloha Hawaiian Shirt tags portable prop desc A garish Hawaiian shirt covered in lurid orange hibiscus flowers and faded palm trees. It smells of cheap aftershave and hobbit body odour. setverb put_shirt_in_bottle shirt held shirt carried bottle verb put_shirt_in_bottle shirt say You tear a piece from the shirt and stick it inside the half full bottle of ale. hide shirt hide bottle carry molotov_cocktail add score 25 thing molotov_cocktail tags portable cverbs light verb light molotov_cocktail carried matchbook: Light it with what..? at vip_area: Not here - you have one oppurtunity with this plan - don't waste it! here darkriders say <b>You light the molotov cocktail and throw it into the horde of dark riders!</b> say say "Run to the tunnel!!" You scream over the noise, and you and Melina charge into the toilets and throw yourself down into the tunnel as a huge explosion engulfs the Last Resort. say goto secret_tunnel bring mel hide molotov_cocktail tag molotov_cocktail used add score 70 setverb ask_mel dark_riders at secret_tunnel verb ask_mel dark_riders at secret_tunnel say "The Dark Riders do the dirty work for the Dark Overlord," Melina says, voice flat. "They don’t talk. They don’t think. They slice heads. Clean. Precise. Like they enjoy it." setverb ask_mel secret_tunnel at secret_tunnel verb ask_mel secret_tunnel at secret_tunnel say "This leads us to Randalf. He will need to talk to you! Follow me!" say Melina heads southeast along the dark tunnel. say put mel more_tunnel tag mel moving rule has mel moving random x 3 eq $x 1 thingat mel more_tunnel sayat more_tunnel Melina moves along the tunnel. put mel yet_more_tunnel rule !has yet_more_tunnel trapdoor at yet_more_tunnel has mel moving random x 4 eq $x 1 thingat mel yet_more_tunnel sayat yet_more_tunnel <b>Melina opens a hidden trap door in the ceiling.</b> open yet_more_tunnel up inn tag yet_more_tunnel trapdoor rule at yet_more_tunnel has yet_more_tunnel trapdoor has mel moving random x 3 eq $x 1 thingat mel yet_more_tunnel sayat yet_more_tunnel Melina climbs up into the inn. put mel inn untag mel moving verb talk taxi_driver at secret_tunnel say "What are <i>you</i> doing here??" You ask. say say "The dark riders think I'm with you! They were going to kill me! I can't be killed - I have 5 young hobbits to feed!" room more_tunnel You are further along the dark, damp tunnel, which leads southeast and southwest. prop display more secret tunnel southeast yet_more_tunnel southwest secret_tunnel tags tunnel rule has $room tunnel bring hobbits !has taxicab sick bring taxi_driver room yet_more_tunnel You are in even more tunnel! It comes to an end here and you are faced with a a brick wall. prop display Yet more tunnel southwest more_tunnel tags tunnel verb go up at yet_more_tunnel say You climb up through the trapdoor and are struck by a wave of warmth and light, and the smell of roast boar on a spit. run enterinn proc enterinn say goto inn put mel inn put randalf inn put hobbits inn !has taxicab sick put taxi_driver inn add score 55 rule at inn here taxi_driver here hobbits say say "At last I've found you, Randalf!" The cab driver says, pulling out a shotgun he was hiding under his coat and aiming it at the old wizard. say say "Noooooooo!!" The hobbits all scream in unison, diving in front of the shotgun blast. say say Melina, thinking on her feet, grabs the taxi driver by the neck as he attempts to reload. With a quick flick of her wrist, she snaps his neck and he crumples to the floor. say say "Are you OK, Randalf?" She asks. say say "I'm OK my child, but I'm afraid the same can not be said for these poor hobbits..." say say On the ground are the bodies of poor Vimto, Bunion, Titch, Badger and Nipple, their Hawaiian shirts all torn to pieces and caked with blood. They were so little. Poor, poor chaps. say hide taxi_driver tag taxi_driver dead tag taxi_driver sick hide hobbits tag hobbits dead bring corpses add score 25 thing corpses Dead Bodies tags plural prop desc A mass mangle of dead bodies, shot to pieces from a single blast of a shotgun. The corpse of a taxi driver is here too, his neck broken - gone to the big taxi depot in the sky. setverb ask_randalf dead_bodies here corpses verb ask_randalf dead_bodies say "Don't worry about them - I have a man who takes care of this sort of thing. He'll dispose of the bodies, don't you worry." setverb ask_randalf quest thingat randalf inn setverb ask_randalf fallows has randalf fallows setverb ask_randalf dragon has randalf dragon setverb say_randalf yes has randalf mission setverb say_randalf no has randalf mission !has randalf grumpy verb ask_randalf quest say "Ah, yes - young Baldo. We have a quest for you! As you may have noticed," Randalf began, "everyone in Hobbiton has horrendous dental hygiene. Even my own teeth, of which I used to pride myself on, have gone green or fallen out. It wasn't always so. People who lived in Hobbiton used to have the whitest teeth in the land and the best-smelling breath this side of the Misty Mountains. That was before Fallows came along with his evil goblins." tag randalf fallows verb ask_randalf fallows say "Tom Fallows took control of every toothpaste factory in Hobbiton. He raised the prices by 1000%, making it impossible for us to afford to buy toothpaste, mouthwash, or even floss." say say "But can’t you open your own toothpaste factory? It's an open market, isn't it?" say say "Would that we could, young Baldo, would that we could! Anyone who tries setting up a rival toothpaste factory gets a visit from the dark riders. Hooded, evil beings who burn the factories to the ground, laughing as they do so...Our only hope lies to the north, beyond the elf villages, past the misty mountains, over the crimson seas... to Mordor... and the legend of the toothpaste dragon." tag randalf dragon verb ask_randalf dragon say "The toothpaste dragon??" say say "Yes, a fabled dragon that breathes toothpaste. They say his cave is full of more toothpaste than you could ever possibly imagine. Enough to provide good dental care for every Hobbit for the next 150 years—or until Tom Fallows is dead, whichever comes first." say say "And just where do I fit into all this?" say say "You must find the dragon! Bring back the toothpaste! We are counting on you, Baldo Bobbins. So what is it to be, Bobbins? Do you accept the mission?" tag randalf mission verb say_randalf yes !has randalf grumpy say Randalf slaps you on the back. A bit too roughly as a matter of fact, it will probably leave a bruise. say say "That's what I like to hear, Bobbins! Good man! Good man, indeed! Well then, you better get started, no time like the present - what?" say say Randalf walks to the back of the inn and opens a window. say say "This window leads to the back of the inn. From there you can cut through the brush and you'll find yourself on a dark forest path. From then on, you're on your own! Here's an apple." say say Randalf hands you an apple. say say "Good luck!" carry apple say say With a cheery wave of his staff, he practically pushes you out of the window, closing it behind him. You find yourself alone, once more. say goto inn_garden add score 55 verb say_randalf yes has randalf grumpy say Randalf cheers up, stand up straight and slaps you on the back. A bit too roughly as a matter of fact, it will probably leave a bruise. say say "That's what I like to hear, Bobbins! Good man! Good man, indeed! Well then, you better get started, no time like the present - what?" say say Randalf grabs your arm and together you walk back to the green dragon inn. He points to an open window in the back. say say "This window leads to the old beer garden of the inn. From there you can cut through the brush and you'll find yourself on a dark forest path. From then on, you're on your own! Here's an apple." say say Randalf hands you an apple. say say "Good luck!" carry apple say say With a cheery wave of his staff, he practically pushes you out of the window, closing it behind him. You find yourself alone, once more. say goto inn_garden untag randalf grumpy put randalf inn add score 55 thing apple tags portable edible prop desc A green, bruised apple. verb say_randalf no say Randalf looks at you for a second, like he can't quite believe what you've just said. say say Then his eyes start to water. say say "I think I need to be alone." He says, walking out of the inn door, his shoulders slumped. say say "You should go to him." Mel says, her hand on your shoulder. put randalf forest tag randalf grumpy rule at forest here randalf has randalf grumpy say say Randalf is here, sat on a log and looking up at the sky. He looks very sad. say # THIRD ACT # # PART 3 # room inn_garden You are in the tangled garden of the Green Dragon Inn. Once a place of merry gatherings and sunlit drinking, it has now fallen to wilderness. Thick brambles choke the winding paths, and gnarled trees lean in from all sides, casting long, unsettling shadows. The air smells of damp earth and old beer. prop display The Green Dragon Garden northeast darkpath room darkpath You are on a dark forest path. Foreboding trees line tightly on either side. Things seem to move in the shadows beyond them. south trollclearing southwest inn_garden prop display Dark Path thing signpost loc darkpath desc A weathered wooden signpost pointing south. verbs read verb read signpost say <b>"South to the Bridge of Doom"</b> room trollclearing <div class="trollclearing"></div>You are in the trolls' clearing. Moss-covered rocks and the scattered remains of old bones lie underfoot. To the south is a looming stone door carved with ancient runes. north darkpath east hiddenpath south trollcave southeast bridgeofdoom prop display Troll Clearing tags trolls rule at trollclearing has trollclearing trolls !has trollcave escaped say say You crouch down behind a bush. Two trolls are sitting chatting round a large cooking pot. They seem to be eating sausages. The moon is full behind them. Somewhere...an owl hoots. verb go south at trollclearing has trollclearing trolls run trollseen verb go east at trollclearing has trollclearing trolls run trollseen verb go southeast at trollclearing has trollclearing trolls run trollseen proc trollseen say say As you stand up to move - the trolls spot you! say say "Gor, look at that — can you cook it?" the hideous troll says after seeing you. say say "You could try, but I bet he wouldn't make a mouthful!" the vicious troll replies. say say They grab you, bundle you into a sack and dump you somewhere dark and damp. say goto inside_a_sack rule at trollclearing has trollcave escaped here vicious say say <b>The trolls see you!</b> say say "How did you get out of that sack?" One of the trolls ask whilst putting you back inside the sack. say goto inside_a_sack room inside_a_sack You are inside a sack which is tightly bound. prop display Inside a sack verbs tear aggitate nibble lurch dodge elbow # DENTAL verb dodge say You try to dodge your way out of the sack. at inside_a_sack goto inside_a_sack2 verb elbow say You try to elbow your way out of the sack at inside_a_sack2 goto inside_a_sack3 verb elbow !at inside_a_sack2 goto inside_a_sack verb nibble say You try to nibble your way out of the sack at inside_a_sack3 goto inside_a_sack4 verb nibble !at inside_a_sack3 goto inside_a_sack verb tear say You try to tear your way out of the sack at inside_a_sack4 goto inside_a_sack5 verb tear !at inside_a_sack4 goto inside_a_sack verb aggitate say You try to aggitate the sack somehow. at inside_a_sack5 goto inside_a_sack6 verb aggitate !at inside_a_sack5 goto inside_a_sack verb lurch say You try to lurch the sack this way and that. at inside_a_sack6 say say <b> The sack finally breaks open and you roll out onto the floor!</b> goto trollcave tag trollcave escaped add score 25 room inside_a_sack2 You are inside a sack which is tightly bound. prop display Inside a sack verbs tear aggitate nibble lurch elbow tags insack room inside_a_sack3 You are inside a sack which is tightly bound. prop display Inside a sack verbs tear aggitate nibble lurch tags insack room inside_a_sack4 You are inside a sack which is tightly bound. prop display Inside a sack verbs tear aggitate lurch tags insack room inside_a_sack5 You are inside a sack which is tightly bound. prop display Inside a sack verbs aggitate lurch tags insack room inside_a_sack6 You are inside a sack which is tightly bound. prop display Inside a sack verbs lurch tags insack thing cavedoor giant stone door (to south) loc trollclearing desc A massive stone slab fitted tightly into the earth. Faint runes glow along its edge. thing vicious vicious troll tags alive male loc trollclearing desc A squat, muscular troll with jagged yellow teeth and a permanent sneer. thing hideous hideous troll tags alive male loc trollclearing desc Taller and leaner than the other, with weeping sores and a crooked nose that twitches constantly. thing stewpot loc trollclearing desc A bubbling iron pot suspended over a low fire. It smells worse than it looks - and it don't look great! verb examine stewpot !here vicious: You move closer to look at the pot but the vicious troll makes a grab at you! You dive out of the way just in time to avoid his greasy warty hands around your neck. say There are the remains of some poor creature in the bottom of the pot. bring skeleton room hiddenpath You are on a narrow, hidden path. Deep troll footprints are pressed into the soft dirt, leading in and out of the trees. west trollclearing prop display Hidden Path rule at hiddenpath hide vicious hide hideous room trollcave You are in the trolls' cave. The walls glisten with damp, and the air smells of rotting meat and wet stone. north trollclearing prop display Troll Cave rule at inside_a_sack tag trollcave insack rule at trollcave untag trollcave insack verb wait has trollcave insack has sleeping_bag alarmclock has alarm_clock dawn !thingat vicious trollcave !has vicious sleeping say say You wait...and wait... say say After some time the trolls enter the cave. say say "Bedtime, me old mate! Soon be light out - we don't want to be caught in the sunlight, coz you know what'll happen! say say "Yessir - we'll be turned to stone just like old Bazza back when we were lads." say say "I'll be glad to see my sleeping bag. Have you set the alarm for nightfall?" say say "Aye, that I have. We don't want to sleep past breakfast! Hahaha!" say say One of the trolls gives the sack a shake. You think that might imply that <i>you</i> are to be the intended breakfast! say say Oh no! say say After a while you can hear the trolls start to snore. put vicious trollcave put hideous trollcave tag hideous sleeping tag vicious sleeping hide sleeping_bag untag trollclearing trolls verb wait has trollcave insack has sleeping_bag alarmclock has alarm_clock dawn has vicious sleeping !thingat stonevicious trollclearing say say You decide to try and make the best of the situation and get some kip. say say <b>You are awoken suddenly a few hours later by the alarm clock going off!<b> say say You hear the trolls muttering and moving about. Then you hear the sounds of the giant stone door begin to open... say say "BLEEDIN' HECK - THE SUN! THE SUN IS UP - WHAT THE F---" say say Then you hear nothing. Nothing but silence. say hide vicious hide hideous put stonevicious trollclearing put stonehideous trollclearing add score 100 thing stonevicious a vicious-looking stone troll prop desc The troll's face is frozen in a snarl, mouth agape and tusk-like teeth bared. Its eyes are wide with rage, though now dulled forever by stone. thing stonehideous a hideous-looking stone troll prop desc Squat and misshapen, this troll seems to have been caught mid-belch, its belly distended and lips curled in a grotesque leer. thing trolls_sack loc trollcave prop desc A filthy burlap sack that reeks of fish bones, sweat, and wet moss. The coarse fabric is covered in patches and crude stitching. verbs get_in verb get_in trolls_sack say You decide that you wish to climb back into the sack. It's cosy in there. say goto inside_a_sack thing sleeping_bag loc trollcave desc A foul-smelling, oversized sleeping bag made from stitched-together warg pelts. It’s crusted with dried mud, flecks of meat, and what you desperately hope is just moss. verbs open tags alarmclock verb open sleeping_bag has sleeping_bag alarmclock: The sleeping bag is empty. say You open the sleeping bag to find an alarm clock. bring alarm_clock untag sleeping_bag alarmclock thing alarm_clock tags portable cverbs set_time verb set_time alarm_clock !has alarm_clock dawn say You set the alarm clock to go off at dawn. tag alarm_clock dawn verb set_time alarm_clock has alarm_clock dawn say You set the alarm clock to go off at nightfall. untag alarm_clock dawn verb examine alarm_clock say A clunky, old-fashioned metal alarm clock with two dented bells on top and a little hammer poised between them. say has alarm_clock dawn say The alarm clock is set to go off at dawn. verb examine alarm_clock !has alarm_clock dawn say The alarm clock is set to go off at nightfall. verb drop alarm_clock say You put the alarm clock back in the sleeping bag where you found it. tag sleeping_bag alarmclock hide alarm_clock thing skipass ski lift pass tags portable desc A laminated pass with a logo of a mountain and a tiny gondola. cverbs show thing skeleton desc The skeleton of a hobbit. It is wearing denim jeans - the color somewhat faded due to them being broiled whilst being worn by the owner. tags pocketfull verb examine skeleton has skeleton pocketfull say The skeleton of a hobbit. It is wearing denim jeans - the color somewhat faded due to them being broiled whilst being worn by the owner. bring denim_jeans thing denim_jeans desc They are being worn by the skeleton. verb examine denim_jeans has skeleton pocketfull say In the pockets of the jeans you find a ski-lift pass! In suprisingly good condition, too! bring skipass untag skeleton pocketfull room bridgeofdoom <div class="bridgeofdoom"></div>You are at the Bridge of Doom — a narrow structure arching over a black, fast-moving river. Jagged rocks glint below. On the far side, the rooftops of the Elven village peek through the mist. south elfvillage northwest trollclearing prop display Bridge of Doom room elfvillage north bridgeofdoom east skilift northeast fields prop display Elven Village prop desc <div class="elfvillage"></div>You are in the Elven village. Slender homes curve into the trees, and little elves move swiftly along cobbled paths. There’s tension in the air — a group of protestors chant angrily, blocking the eastern path. room fields You are standing in a golden field of barley that sways hypnotically in the breeze. The stalks reach up to your waist, brushing against you like gentle fingers. Somewhere in the distance, a lark sings. The faint outline of rooftops marks the edge of an elvish village to the southwest. prop display Fields of Barley southwest elfvillage north lakeside rule !eq $conversation elfonso thingat elfonso fields has elfonso lakedirection random x 5 eq $x 3 sayat fields </br>Elfonso sighs and walks north.</br> put elfonso lakeside rule !eq $conversation elfonso thingat elfonso fields has elfonso shopdirection random x 5 eq $x 3 sayat fields </b>Elfonso sighs and walks southwest.</b> put elfonso elfvillage rule thingat elfonso elfvillage has elfonso shopdirection run shopopen rule at lakeside here elfonso !here catlady say say Elfonso is here, sat at the edge of the lake, looking soulfully into the water. say rule thingat elfonso lakeside !has elfonso ondate !eq $conversation elfonso random x 7 eq $x 5 sayat lakeside </br>Elfonso lets out a deep sigh and gets up. He wipes away a tear and walks south.</br> untag elfonso lakedirection tag elfonso shopdirection put elfonso fields rule thingat elfonso lakeside thingat catlady lakeside sayat lakeside <br>Elfonso and Barbara are sat by the lake, holding each other and staring out into the water, both of them blissfully content.</b> untag elfonso conversation untag catlady conversation room lakeside You are standing at the edge of a vast, glistening lake. Sunlight dances across its surface, casting rippling reflections onto the reeds that line the shore. A gentle breeze carries the scent of water and wildflowers, and somewhere across the lake, you hear the distant splash of a fish breaking the surface. prop display Lakeside south fields thing tobaccoshop tobacco shop loc elfvillage verbs enter prop desc A quaint little establishment with an ornate sign reading “Tobacco & Tinctures.” The windows are fogged with the scent of pipe smoke. thing cattery elf cattery loc elfvillage verbs enter prop desc A squat wooden building covered in climbing ivy and the faint scent of catnip. verb enter cattery goto cattery verb enter tobaccoshop !has tobaccoshop closed: The store is closed. goto tobaccoshop thing protestors loc elfvillage tags alive plural verbs examine prop desc A loud and agitated group of elves waving signs and shouting slogans, clearly in the middle of some passionate demonstration. verb go east at elfvillage here protestors say <b>The protestors stop you in your tracks!</b> say say "This route is blocked until further notice!" the leader of the Elven protestors says. bring winston thing winston Winston - Protest leader tags alive male conversation prop desc A wiry elf with dreadlocked silver hair and smouldering eyes. He exudes righteous fury and faint hints of sandalwood. prop met_name Winston verbs talk prop start_conversation {Winston} stops mid-slogan and squints at you. prop end_conversation {Winston} turns back to the crowd. verb talk winston !carried protestleaflet: "The time for talking has passed - now is the time for action comrade!" say "Here, take this leaflet which has more information on our plight." say The elven protest leader hands you a leaflet. give protestleaflet add score 25 setverb tell_winston spliff held stonking_great_spliff verb tell_winston spliff say Winston's eyes light up as you take the spliff from your pocket. say "Would you like this?" you ask, waving it under Winston's nose. say Winston sniffs once, sniffs twice, then grabs the spliff from your hands. say "Listen up!" Winston shouts to the protestors. "The protest is on pause until further notice! Everyone can go home!" say say There are some murmurs of discontent from the crowd, but eventually the protestors disperse — and Winston shuffles off into the woods. say hide protestors hide stonking_great_spliff put winston hiddenpath write elfvillage.desc You are in the Elven village. Slender homes curve into the trees, and little elves move swiftly along cobbled paths. add score 55 thing protestleaflet pamphlet tags portable cverbs read prop desc A wrinkled leaflet titled “The Right to Roam — Why We March.” verb read protestleaflet say The pamphlet reads: say "<i><b>The Right to Roam – Why We March</i></b>" say say "For centuries the elven paths of Hobbington have been open to all races, free to walk and wander under the ancient oaks. Now, fences rise. Permits are required. The Council claims 'safety'—but we see control." say say "Join us. Resist. Reclaim the roots beneath your feet." room cattery You are in the Elven Cattery. Cages are stacked against the walls and mewling fills the air. The faint smell of fish lingers. prop display Elven Cattery out elfvillage north cattery_kitchen verb go north at cattery has cattery_kitchen_door locked say The door is locked. here catlady say "There aint nothing back there fer the likes of you!" The elf cattery lady says, her arms crossed. verb go out at cattery !here catlady !has cats fed say You can't go anywhere yet! The cats haven't been fed! thing cattery_kitchen_door tags lockable locked loc cattery prop locktype cattery_kitchen prop desc A small wooden door with scratch marks at the base. room cattery_kitchen You are in the Elven Cattery kitchen. Scuffed tiles, gleaming pans, and a stale smell of fish dominate the cramped space. prop display Cattery Kitchen south cattery thing catfood cat food loc cattery_kitchen prop desc A half-open tin of lumpy, fish-scented cat food. It's seen better days, but the cats don’t seem to mind. tags portable setverb feed cats carried catfood here cats verb feed cats say You pop open the tin of cat food with a satisfying *clack*, and the scent of mystery meat fills the air. say The cats rush over in a blur of fur and meows, circling your legs as they begin to tuck in greedily. tag cats fed hide catfood add score 35 thing coffee_pot loc cattery_kitchen tags container verbs open prop desc A steaming pot of bitter elven roast. thing tea_pot loc cattery_kitchen tags container verbs open prop contents herbal_tea_leaves prop desc A ceramic pot covered in elven runes and dried leaf stains. thing sugar_pot loc cattery_kitchen tags container verbs open prop desc A glazed jar with a lid shaped like a cat's paw. thing herbal_tea_leaves loc tea_pot tags portable prop desc A small bundle of suspiciously pungent herbal tea leaves. setverb make_a_roll_up rizla held rizla carried herbal_tea_leaves verb make_a_roll_up rizla hide rizla hide herbal_tea_leaves give stonking_great_spliff say With nimble fingers you use the rizla paper and suspicious 'tea' leaves to make a stonking great spliff. add score 25 thing stonking_great_spliff tags portable cverbs smoke prop desc A thick, aromatic roll-up that smells suspiciously potent. verb smoke stonking_great_spliff say You promised yourself you would lay off the stuff! thing catlady elven cattery worker tags alive female conversation loc cattery verbs examine talk prop met_name Barbara prop desc She is tall and beautiful, with long flowing blonde hair tucked behind pointy elven ears. Her hypnotic green eyes hide behind unfashionable glasses. prop start_conversation {Barbara} glances up shyly from her paperwork. prop end_conversation {Barbara} returns her focus to the cats. verb talk catlady random x 3 !eq $x 1: "They say elves can’t love — I disagree. Look at these cats." !eq $x 2: "Each one of these little guys was abandoned. Makes you think, doesn’t it?" !eq $x 3: "People think catteries are quiet. But that meowing gets into your brain after a while." verb examine catlady say She is tall and beautiful, with long flowing blonde hair which is tucked behind her pointy elven ears. Her hypnotic green eyes are hidden behind unfashionable glasses. She seems unsure of her beauty, and comes across as timid and shy, never meeting your eyes. tag catlady examined verb examine elfonso say He is a short, squat elf with broad shoulders, beer belly and a comb over to cover a balding bonce. tag elfonso examined thing cats loc cattery tags alive plural prop desc A scraggly assembly of rescued cats — fluffy, scabby, regal, rude. All meowing at once. room tobaccoshop <div class="tobaccoshop"></div>You are in the Elven Tobacco Shop. The air is thick with pipe smoke and possibilities. Ornate jars line the walls, each labelled with curling gold script. prop display Elven Tobacco Shop out elfvillage thing elfonso Elfonso the tobacconist tags male alive conversation loc tobaccoshop verbs examine talk prop met_name Elfonso prop desc A short, squat elf with a comb-over and the hopeful eyes of a romantic. His stained apron reads "Smoke Dreams." prop start_conversation {Elfonso} adjusts his apron nervously. prop end_conversation {Elfonso} looks away, polishing a pipe. verb talk elfonso random x 3 !eq $x 1: "A fresh roll-up for a fresh perspective, I always say." !eq $x 2: "They don’t make lighters like they used to, you know." !eq $x 3: "Romance and tobacco — two fires that burn the heart." setverb ask_catlady elfonso has elfonso examined setverb ask_elfonso catlady has catlady examined verb ask_elfonso catlady say "Ah yes, Barbara the catlady. She is so beautiful, isn't she. If only I could sum up the courage to ask her on a date." tag elfonso date verb ask_catlady elfonso say "Ah yes, Elfonso the Elf tobacconist. What a man. Whenever I see him I feel quite weak at the knees!" setverb ask_catlady date has elfonso date verb ask_catlady date say "I think Elfonso would be very interested in meeting you... if you were to give him a sign perhaps." You say. say say "Oh - I don't know. How can I be sure what kind of elf he is? If only I knew what star sign he was! If he was an Aquarius - then I would be sure!" tag elfonso starsign setverb ask_elfonso starsign has elfonso starsign verb ask_elfonso starsign say "Why, I'm an Aquarius of course! Why do you ask?" tag elfonso aquarius setverb tell_catlady aquarius has elfonso aquarius verb tell_catlady aquarius say "He's an Aquarius??? Oh my!!" The Cat lady says, blushing. "And you are 100% sure he likes me. I mean, I've got to be 100% sure!" tag elfonso sure setverb ask_elfonso sure has elfonso sure verb ask_elfonso sure say "Am I sure??? Boy oh boy oh boy, am I sure! I've loved her from a distance for years and years! I've written poetry about her! I've woke up crying from dreams when I've laid in her arms! Please - fix me up with a date!" tag catlady date setverb tell_catlady im_done has catlady date verb tell_catlady im_done say "He's 100% sure he likes me...and he's an Aquarius! Oh my, oh my...I've got to go and talk to him right now! Will you do me a favor and watch the cattery. It's their feeding time right now, if you could give them their lunch. Here, take the keys to the kitchen! Wish me luck!!" say say <b>And with that, the cat lady throws you the keys to the kitchen and runs out the door.</b> put catlady lakeside put elfonso lakeside tag tobaccoshop closed tag elfonso ondate give cattery_keys add score 60 thing cattery_keys tags portable key prop locktype cattery_kitchen prop desc A jangly ring with a cartoon cat keyring on it. thing rizla rizla paper tags portable loc tobaccoshop prop desc A packet of thin rolling papers — half empty and slightly crushed. rule at tobaccoshop tag elfonso met rule has elfonso met !has tobaccoshop closed random x 15 eq $x 5 run closeshop proc closeshop !eq $conversation elfonso say sayat tobaccoshop Elfonso takes out a big set of keys. sayat elfvillage Elfonso walks out of his shop. He is holding a big set of keys. say sayat tobaccoshop "If you excuse me I need to close the shop for a while. I have something to do." sayat elfvillage He pulls down the shutters of the shop and then walks off in a northeasterly directon. say sayat tobaccoshop He guides you out of the shop, closes the door and pulls down some shutters, locking them with the keys. He then rambles off to the northeast. say goto elfvillage put elfonso fields tag tobaccoshop closed tag elfonso lakedirection proc shopopen !eq $conversation elfonso sayat elfvillage </br> Elfonso unlocks the shutters and opens the store. He walks inside.</br> untag tobaccoshop closed put elfonso tobaccoshop untag elfonso shopdirection rule at tobaccoshop here rizla here elfonso tag elfonso watch random x 4 eq $x 1: <br>Elfonso is watching you suspiciously. say <br>Elfonso turns his back to you. untag elfonso watch verb take rizla at tobaccoshop here elfonso has elfonso watch say "Put that down right now! That's not for hobbits!" Elfonso demands. room skilift <div class="skilift"></div>You are at the ski-lift at the base of the Misty Mountains. A chill wind cuts through the air as snowy peaks loom overhead. prop display Ski Lift Base west elfvillage thing ski_lift loc skilift verbs enter prop desc A mechanical gondola hanging from a steel cable — looks barely safe enough to trust. thing ski_lift_operator tags alive male loc skilift verbs examine talk prop met_name Gondor prop desc A portly Northerner with a braided red beard and beer-stained mittens. He has the bored eyes of a man who’s seen too many tourists. prop start_conversation {Gondor} spits into a tin cup and eyes you lazily. prop end_conversation {Gondor} leans back on his stool and stares into space. verb talk ski_lift_operator random x 2 !eq $x 1: "Ey-up lad. Fog’s coming in thick up the ridge." !eq $x 2: "Been running this lift since I were a lad. Ain’t broke once. Well... twice." verb enter ski_lift at skilift !has skipass shown here ski_lift_operator say The ski lift operator stops you in your tracks. say say "Ey-up lad, thou better be showing me 'ski-pass like, before you starts thinking about getting on t'ski-lift." verb show skipass at skilift here ski_lift_operator carried skipass say The ski lift operator eyes your ski-pass carefully, turning it over and holding it up against the light, making absolutely sure it's not a forgery. say say After a bit of consternation, he hands it back. "OK lad, looks genuine enuff... climb aboard. Hands inside the ski-lift at all times, mate." tag skipass shown add score 40 verb show skipass !here ski_lift_operator say As lovely as it is, nobody here is interested in seeing your ski-pass! verb enter ski_lift at skilift has skipass shown goto gondola say You walk into the Gondola and the operator shuts the door behind you. He pulls a lever, and with a grinding of gears the gondola begins to ascend upwards - into the Misty Mountains! say add score 25 room gondola You are inside the ski-lift gondola. The world sways slightly as the mountains begin to roll slowly beneath you. prop display Gondola thing paperback_novel tags portable cverbs read verb read paperback_novel say The title is called <b>"The Cucumber Criminal."</b> say Intrigued, you skim-read a random page. say say <i>In a private cubicile in the airport toilets, Scott Macarthur slowly squeezed the cocaine-stuffed cucumber snugly inside his rectum.</i> say say <i>His drug-smuggling associates often suggested that balloons or condoms were much more comfortable, and not to mention practical, but Scott was a maverick and swore by his method.</i> say say <i>This is what had earned Scott the moniker "The Cucumber Criminal."</i> verb wait at gondola add gondola.wait 1 !eq gondola.wait 1: Slowly, slowly, ever-so-slowly the gondola begins it's ascent into the Misty Mountains. Outside the window you can see the tops of the houses of the elf village, dark tiny specks at this altitude, and they gradually disappear into mistiness. !eq gondola.wait 2: There is nothing to see but mist now. Mist Mist Mist! The gondola creaks and groans under it's own weight, and sways slowly. say With a shuddering halt, the gondola finally arrives at it's destination! open gondola out misty room misty You are standing outside a ski-lift on an icy ledge somewhere in the very peaks of the misty mountains. Looking down from the ledge, all you see is mist, and everywhere else you look, is a blanket of white snow. <br> The ledge curves round the mountain to the northeast and to the northwest. northeast snowyledge northwest snowledge prop display Misty Mountain Peak rule at misty !eq misty.visited 1 say say <i><b>With a grinding of gears, the ski-lift gondola starts it's descent, leaving you cold and alone with no visible means of returning down the mountain.</i></b> add misty.visited 1 room snowyledge You are on a narrow icy ledge somewhere amongst the Misty Mountain peaks. You daren't look down, but if you did, all you would see would be mist. southwest misty northwest hotelmisty prop display Narrow Icy Ledge room snowledge You are shuffling along a thin, and probably unstable, icy ledge at a high altitude somewhere amongst the Misty Mountains. southeast misty northeast hotelmisty prop display Unstable Icy Ledge room hotelmisty in hotel southwest snowledge southeast snowyledge northeast mountainpath prop desc <div class="hotelmisty"></div>You are outside "Hotel Misty" - a glorius, 5 star hotel - which is as yet still under construction and not open for tourists. The weather conditions at this time of year means construction has to be put on hold until Spring. A lonely snow-covered JCB digger outside the entrance gives the place a melancoly atmosphere.<br>A mountain path leads past the hotel towards the northeast. prop display Hotel Misty thing portaloo loc hotelmisty prop desc A portable chemical toilet, commonly referred to as a portaloo, is a self-contained, temporary sanitation unit typically found on construction sites and at outdoor events. Constructed from lightweight, durable polyethylene, the unit is designed for ease of transport and rapid deployment.</br></br>The interior typically includes a non-flushing toilet over a sealed waste tank containing chemical solutions to suppress odours and partially break down waste. Basic models may also include a urinal, a hand sanitizer dispenser, and a ventilation pipe to improve air circulation. Access is provided via a hinged door with an internal locking mechanism, and the floor is usually ribbed or textured to provide grip in adverse weather conditions.</br></br>Portaloos are serviced regularly by sanitation contractors, who remove waste and replenish chemicals and consumables. Their use is regulated by health and safety standards to ensure hygienic conditions for site workers and the public. verbs enter verb enter portaloo !has portaloo blockedrock: The door is blocked! From inside, you can hear someone banging against the door trying to get out! say The door is locked! From inside, you can hear someone whistling, and the rustle of a newspaper. verb drop giant_rock at hotelmisty say <b>You drop the giant rock in front of the portaloo door, blocking the exit of whoever might be in there.</b> tag portaloo blockedrock untag portaloo enter bring giant_rock verb take giant_rock at hotelmisty has portaloo blockedrock !has sack won say You don't have the energy - it took all your strength just to bring it here! verb take giant_rock at hotelmisty has portaloo blockedrock has sack won say You pick up the giant rock, unblocking the portaloo. untag portaloo blockedrock say say Immediatly, the door to the portaloo opens and Randalf the wizard steps out, looking more thin than usual. His face is pale and gaunt and he doesn't look very happy. Oh well, at least he's alive and in one piece! say say <b>Randalf huffs and walks away towards the nearest bar.</b> say hide randalf hide portaloo add score 175 rule at hotelmisty has portaloo blockedrock chance 1 4 say say <b>From inside the portaloo, you can hear some increasingly desperate banging on the door.</b> verb go southwest has sack won say You don't want to explore the mountains - you want to return to Hobbiton! verb go southeast has sack won say You don't want to explore the mountains - you want to return to Hobbiton! verb go northeast has sack won say You don't want to explore the mountains - you want to return to Hobbiton! verb go in at hotelmisty !has sack won say The hotel is all locked up for the winter. verb go in at hotelmisty has sack won continue room mountainpath You are on a snow-covered mountain path leading who-knows-where. prop desc You are on a snow-covered mountain path leading who-knows-where. The path strecthes on and on and on northwards. You try to remember why it is you are here, and what in God's name you are supposed to be doing, but you can't. southwest hotelmisty north rockfall prop display Mountain Path rule at mountainpath !has snow_covered_log sat say say <b> Your feet ache. You need to sit down a while! </b> room rockfall Jagged peaks rise all around, their slopes cloaked in thick snow and silence. The wind howls between the rocks, carrying with it a biting chill. Ahead, the path is impassable—a recent rockfall has buried the narrow pass beneath a heap of shattered stone and ice. south mountainpath prop display Rockfall thing giant_rock tags portable loc rockfall thing snow_covered_log loc mountainpath verbs examine verb examine snow_covered_log say Looks comfortable enough to sit on. tag snow_covered_log seen setverb sit_down snow_covered_log has snow_covered_log seen verb sit_down snow_covered_log say You decide to take the weight off for a while, and make yourself comfortable on the log. say You rub the soles of your frozen feet. It would have been nice of Randalf to at least provide you with some footwear for this quest - but no. say say Nobody told you that heroic quests would involve this much walking! untag snow_covered_log seen tag snow_covered_log sat hide snow_covered_log bring something_half_buried thing something_half_buried something half buried in the snow tags portable verb examine something_half_buried swap something_half_buried paperback say It's a floppy-eared, snow-covered novel called <b>"The Marvellous Adventures of Flashrat"</b>. It's by someone called JD BARDI. It looks like it could be a really interesting read, and the sort of book one might find on amazon for a bargain price. thing paperback tags portable verbs read prop desc It's a floppy-eared, snow-covered novel called "The Marvellous Adventures of Flashrat". It's by someone called JD BARDI. It looks like it could be a really interesting read, and the sort of book one might find on Amazon for a bargain price. verb read paperback at mountainpath: You have no time to read books - you are on a quest! (Not even really funny books like Flashrat - Google it!) say You decide to give it a read and open the cover. say say Suddenly, without warning, a gang of Goblins appear from out of the mist! say They look a particular vicious and nasty bunch, each one carrying a dangerous weapon. One goblin even has a sockfull of billiard balls, and is twirling it about in an aggressive manner. say say "You're coming with us, hobbit!" A pitchhfork-carrying goblin sneers, prodding you in the chest with the strongs. say say "Can you give me a few minutes to get my breath back?" You ask, optimistically. say say "No!" One of the goblins sneers, hitting you over the head with a tyre-iron. say close mountainpath north close mountainpath southwest write mountainpath.desc You don't know where you are. You are out cold. tag snow_covered_log goblin add score 45 run dropall goto outcold verb wait at mountainpath has snow_covered_log sat say You rest up a while. say say <b>Suddenly, without warning, a gang of Goblins appear from out of the mist!</b> say say They look a particular vicious and nasty bunch, each one carrying a dangerous weapon. One goblin even has a sockfull of billiard balls, and is twirling it about in an aggressive manner. say say "You're coming with us, hobbit!" A pitchhfork-carrying goblin sneers, prodding you in the chest with the strongs. say say "Can you give me a few minutes to get my breath back?" You ask, optimistically. say say "No!" One of the goblins sneers, hitting you over the head with a tyre-iron. say close mountainpath north close mountainpath southwest write mountainpath.desc You don't know where you are. You are out cold. tag snow_covered_log goblin add score 25 run dropall goto outcold room outcold You don't know where you are. You are out cold. prop display Somewhere... verb wait at outcold has snow_covered_log goblin add snow_covered_log.outcold 1 eq snow_covered_log.outcold 5 say You eventually regain your senses... say goto goblin_dungeon room goblin_dungeon <div class="goblindungeon"></div>You are in a dark, smelly, damp cell inside a goblin dungeon. A barred iron door leads north. A chink of light comes from a tiny barred window high up beyond your reach. Straw is scattered on the floor. An elf skeleton is manacled to the wall. prop display Goblin Dungeon north bottom_of_stairs thing straw_pile loc goblin_dungeon tags portable desc A pile of filthy straw. Might be useful? thing tiny_window loc goblin_dungeon desc A tiny, barred window high up in the wall. setverb shout tiny_window !has tiny_window goblin !has tiny_window helping !has tiny_window gone verb shout tiny_window add tiny_window.shout 1 !eq tiny_window.shout 1: say "Hello! Anyone out there?" !eq tiny_window.shout 2: say "Please! I'm trapped! I need help!" !eq tiny_window.shout 3: say "Somebody get me out of here!" say say "Anybody?? HELP!" say say A voice wafts in through the window in reply, snooty and nasal. "Good eeeevening!" it chirps. tag tiny_window goblin setverb plead_for_help tiny_window has tiny_window goblin !has tiny_window gone !has tiny_window helping verb plead_for_help tiny_window say "Can you help me escape?" you ask. say say "Well," says the voice, "That depends, don't it. what's in it for me?" setverb throw_out gold_tooth carried gold_tooth has tiny_window goblin setverb throw_out elf_bone carried elf_bone has tiny_window goblin verb throw_out elf_bone hide elf_bone say You hurl the bone through the bars. There’s a yelp, a thud, and silence. tag tiny_window gone untag tiny_window goblin run visitors add score 25 proc visitors bring wife untag brainfiddle conversation bring brainfiddle tag barred_door unlocked untag barred_door locked say say Suddenly, a Goblin guard comes and unlocks the door. say say "Visitors." He sneers. say say Standing behind him are Doctor Brainfiddle and - your wife, Mavis!! say say "Hello, dear." She says. say say The guard hands the cell keys to Doctor Brainfiddle. "Lock up after you." He says, before making his exit. tag brainfiddle cellkeys add score 25 verb throw_out gold_tooth hide gold_tooth say You toss the gold tooth through the window. say "Ooooh, shiny!" the goblin trills. "Alrighty, I'll help. Back in a mo!" bring wife bring brainfiddle tag barred_door unlocked bring barred_door tag tiny_window helping untag tiny_window goblin run visitors add score 25 thing dead_elf a goblin skeleton loc goblin_dungeon desc A manacled elf skeleton. verb examine dead_elf !has dead_elf searched say Looking closely, you spot a gold tooth glinting in the skull. A rib bone also falls loose. bring gold_tooth bring elf_bone tag dead_elf searched thing gold_tooth tags portable desc A shiny gold tooth. Probably worth a bit. thing elf_bone tags portable desc A sharp, broken rib bone. verb talk wife at goblin_dungeon !has brainfiddle unconscious: "Have you - have you killed Doctor Brainfiddle? You don't understand what you've done! You were always a lousy husband - you're going to get what you deserve!" !here goblin_lawyer: Mavis is too busy arguing with the lawyer. Nobody is paying any attention to you. !here kenneth: Mavis is too busy arguing with Kenneth. Nobody is paying any attention to you. say "Dave," Mavis says. "This world isn't real. You’re still in ReKall! You had an episode after Doctor Brainfiddle gave you the serum...He’ll explain everything..." verb talk brainfiddle at goblin_dungeon !has brainfiddle unconscious: Doctor Brainfiddle is not responding. !here goblin_lawyer: The doctor is busy arguing with the lawyer. You can't get a word in edgeways. !here kenneth: The doctor is busy arguing with Kenneth. You can't get a word in edgeways. say Brainfiddle smiles nervously. "Yes, yes. You’re still asleep at ReKall. This is all dream. Remember - you wanted us to send you to Hobbiton? Here. Take this..." say say <b>He hands you a small red pill.</b> say say "Here. Take this. The red pill represents your desire to return to reality. You just need to take it and you'll wake up back on Earth and this nightmare will be over." give red_pill rule at goblin_dungeon here goblin_lawyer has brainfiddle unconscious say say The Goblin lawyer is trying to revive Doctor Brainfiddle. say He is asking if he has representation. thing red_pill tags portable cverbs eat desc A glossy red capsule. verb eat red_pill here brainfiddle !has brainfiddle unconscious say You swallow the pill. say say "Excellent!" Mavis exclaims. "It’ll blow your mind. Literally." say say "All hail Tom Fallows and his toothpaste empire!" Brainfiddle shouts. die You are dead. GAME OVER verb eat red_pill say "I'm starving," you mutter, swallowing the pill. say <b>"All hail Tom Fallows!"</b> a voice booms. Your brain explodes. die You are dead. GAME OVER rule has tiny_window gone !here goblin_lawyer add num 1 eq $num 10 carried red_pill run lawyer rule has tiny_window helping add num 1 eq $num 10 run kenneth proc kenneth say say <b>A new figure appears in the cell.</b> say say "Good eeeevening! My name's Kenneth. Does somebody here need to be rescued?" say say "Excuse me - we were in the middle of a conversation. Do you mind leaving?" say say "Don't be like that! I'm 'ere to help! What we talkin' 'bout then. Anything good? Isn't this exciting, eh?" say say "Look - this really is none of your business. Do you mind..." say say Mavis, Doctor Brainfiddle and Kenneth the Goblin begin to argue. bring kenneth thing kenneth Kenneth tags male prop desc A peculiar goblin with an exaggerated posture and a mischievous grin. He has slicked-back hair, pointy ears, and wears a tattered waistcoat over a bare green chest. His voice is shrill and dramatic, and his every movement suggests he's performing for an audience. You suspect he might be the only goblin in the dungeon who moisturises. proc lawyer say say A new figure appears in the cell. say say "I’m the solicitor representing Kenneth the Goblin." he announces in a dull voice. "We are pursuing compensation for a cranial injury due to having a bone lobbed at his head." say say "Excuse me - we happened to be having a conversation!" Doctor Brainfiddle says. say say "That will have to wait - I'm here on legal business." say say Mavis, Doctor Brainfiddle and the Goblin lawyer begin to argue. The lawyer places his briefcase on the floor of the cell. bring goblin_lawyer bring briefcase tag goblin_dungeon argue add score 25 rule at goblin_dungeon has goblin_dungeon argue say say Everybody is arguing amongst themselves. The atomsphere is chaotic. thing goblin_lawyer name Goblin Lawyer tags alive male desc A goblin in a smart suit (from M&S) and a smug attitude. thing briefcase tags portable desc A sturdy legal briefcase. cverbs use verb use briefcase carried briefcase here brainfiddle !has brainfiddle unconscious say While they argue, you swing the briefcase into Brainfiddle’s skull. say He slumps, unconscious, dropping the cell key. bring cell_key tag brainfiddle unconscious untag brainfiddle talk untag brainfiddle cellkeys untag goblin_dungeon argue setverb hit_on_the_head brainfiddle held elf_bone here kenneth !has brainfiddle unconscious verb hit_on_the_head brainfiddle held elf_bone here brainfiddle here kenneth !has brainfiddle unconscious say Whilst Brainfiddle is occupied arguing with Kenneth, you raise the elf bone above your head and bring it down with a wallop on his skull. He goes down like a sack of potatoes. As he falls, he drops the key to the cell door. say say "oo-eh, I say!" Kenneth mutters. bring cell_key tag brainfiddle unconscious untag brainfiddle talk untag brainfiddle cellkeys untag goblin_dungeon argue add score 55 rule at goblin_dungeon here wife here brainfiddle here kenneth !has brainfiddle unconscious tag goblin_dungeon argue thing barred_door name barred iron door loc goblin_dungeon tags lockable locked prop locktype cell_key desc A heavy door barring the way north. setverb unlock barred_door carried cell_key has barred_door locked verb unlock barred_door carried cell_key say You unlock the barred door and push it open. tag barred_door unlocked untag barred_door locked verb lock barred_door carried cell_key here wife say You lock the barred door. tag barred_door locked untag barred_door unlocked verb go north at goblin_dungeon has barred_door locked say The door is locked. verb go north at goblin_dungeon here brainfiddle !has brainfiddle unconscious say Doctor Brainfiddle bars your way. say say "Ah, ah - not before you swallow the red pill! verb drop red_pill here brainfiddle !has brainfiddle unconcious say You throw the pill on the floor in defiance. say say Doctor Brainfiddle picks it up again and gives it back to you. say say "Don't be such a baby!" He admonishes. room bottom_of_stairs You are in the goblin dungeons at the bottom of some worn stone steps leading upward. A cell lies to the south. prop display Dungeon Stairfoot south goblin_dungeon up noise rule at bottom_of_stairs has cell_door locked !has wife gone say say <b>Mavis is screaming for help!</b> She is creating quite a din - you hope the guards don't hear her. rule at bottom_of_stairs !has cell_door locked !has wife gone add wifeescape 1 eq $wifeescape 4 say say Mavis runs out of the cell and up the stone steps! She has gone for help - you must get out of here -and quick! hide wife tag wife gone rule at bottom_of_stairs has wife gone add wifeescape 1 gt $wifeescape 8 say Mavis reappears with 4 goblin guards! One of them has a club which he takes great pleasure in swinging repeatedly at your head. say say "Hit him some more!" Your loving wife says. say say Your quest is at an end. die You didn't do a very good job, did you? rule at goblin_dungeon has wife gone gt $wifeescape 2 say Mavis reappears with 4 goblin guards! One of them has a club which he takes great pleasure in swinging repeatedly at your head. say say "Hit him some more!" Your loving wife says. say say Your quest is at an end. die You didn't do a very good job, did you? verb go up at bottom_of_stairs say You hear goblin voices echoing from above. Best not head upstairs just yet! thing crates loc bottom_of_stairs tags plural verbs examine move desc Heavy wooden crates, stacked high and marked with strange goblin runes. verb examine crates say The crates are full of old, rusted manacles. They’re stacked against the far brick wall, dusty and unused. verb move crates say You push some crates aside with effort, revealing a small hole in the brickwork—just big enough to squeeze through! hide crates bring small_hole add score 25 thing small_hole verbs enter desc A tight, shadowy hole in the wall, just large enough to crawl through. verb enter small_hole !carried briefcase: The briefcase is too bulky for the small hole! goto goblin_passage verb go south at bottom_of_stairs has cell_door locked say You try the door, but it won’t budge! thing cell_door iron cell door (to south) loc bottom_of_stairs tags lockable unlocked prop locktype cell_key desc A solid iron door with a barred window and a heavy lock mechanism. thing cell_key tags portable key prop locktype cell_key desc A small iron key with a strange goblin rune etched into its head. room goblin_passage <div class="passage"></div>You are in a narrow, dark passage. A sliver of light shines from the east, and the tunnel curves away to the northeast. prop display Goblin Passage east bottom_of_stairs northeast more_goblin_passage room more_goblin_passage You are in a cramped, damp corridor, crawling on your hands and knees. Something furry skitters across your hand in the dark. prop display Cramped Goblin Passage southwest goblin_passage north even_more_goblin_passage room even_more_goblin_passage It is darker, damper, and more claustrophobic here. The walls close in tightly—you doubt you’ll fit much further. The passage curves west. prop display Tight Goblin Passage south more_goblin_passage west not_more_goblin_passage room not_more_goblin_passage The passage forks here. Water drips faintly nearby. You miss home... and old repeats of *Blankety Blank*. prop display Forked Passage east even_more_goblin_passage north goblin_passage_opening west end_goblin_passage room end_goblin_passage This dead-end alcove is slightly less cramped than the rest of the tunnel. It's pitch black and unpleasantly humid. prop display Passage Dead End east not_more_goblin_passage thing something_glinting loc end_goblin_passage verbs examine desc A faint glint in the dark catches your eye—something shiny. thing machine_gun tags portable desc A goblin-sized machine gun. Ridiculous, but undeniably cool. verb examine something_glinting say You squint into the shadows. “Ahhh…” you whisper. It’s a machine gun, gleaming faintly in the gloom! hide something_glinting bring machine_gun room goblin_passage_opening You are in a slightly wider stretch of tunnel, narrowing again to the south. A rush of fresh air hits your face, and you sense a vast, open space somewhere to the north. prop display Tunnel Opening north edge_of_dark_lake south not_more_goblin_passage room edge_of_dark_lake <div class="cavernlake"></div>You emerge into an immense cavern—this space could swallow a kingdom. A huge, black lake stretches to the horizon, cloaked in swirling mist like steam over a cup-a-soup. A towering rockface rises impossibly high. prop display Edge of the Dark Lake thing crack a crack in the rockface loc edge_of_dark_lake verbs enter prop desc A narrow crack in the rockface—just big enough to squeeze into! verb enter crack goto goblin_passage_opening thing gobbo Gobbo loc edge_of_dark_lake tags alive male conversation prop desc A dark grey, bony, cross-eyed creature about two feet tall. He hops erratically, reeking of fish and madness. prop start_conversation Gobbo stops hopping and glares at you with his beady eyes. "What does hobbit wantsss?" he hisses. prop end_conversation Gobbo resumes hopping in small circles, muttering something about fish. rule has gobbo back untag gobbo conversation rule !has gobbo back tag gobbo conversation setverb ask_gobbo rowboat verb ask_gobbo rowboat say "The boat is mine... but you are a sexy hobbit. Hobbit play a game with Gobbo?? Maybe Gobbo let hobbit rent boat." tag gobbo game setverb ask_gobbo game has gobbo game verb ask_gobbo game say "Hobbit likes riddles? Gobbo has good riddle for hobbit... say say ...is hobbit ready?? say say <i><b>What drips in daylight, hides in jam, sings when you sit, but never says 'ma’am'?</i></b> say <i><b>It once wore a hat made of clocks,</i></b> say <i><b>married a spoon, and divorced a fox.</i></b> say say Tell Gobbo, tell us—what is it, preciousss?!" tag gobbo riddle setverb say_gobbo a_soggy_saxophone has gobbo riddle setverb say_gobbo three_badgers_in_a_trenchcoat has gobbo riddle setverb say_gobbo tuesday has gobbo riddle verb say_gobbo a_soggy_saxophone say "No, hobbit issss wrong! Hee hee! You must stay forever here with Gobbo and play with me. Gobbo not only play riddles, Gobbo likes to play sexy dress-up cosplay games, too!" verb say_gobbo three_badgers_in_a_trenchcoat say "No, hobbit issss wrong! Hee hee! You must stay forever here with Gobbo and play with me. Gobbo not only play riddles, Gobbo likes to play sexy dress-up cosplay games, too!" verb say_gobbo tuesday say "No, hobbit issss wrong! Hee hee! You must stay forever here with Gobbo and play with me. Gobbo not only play riddles, Gobbo likes to play sexy dress-up cosplay games, too!" verb examine gobbo say It’s hard to say what Gobbo *is*. A dark, shriveled thing with a funny face, crooked limbs, and the kind of breath that suggests a diet of raw sewage. He hops around like a 5 year old who's eaten too many smarties. thing boat rowboat loc edge_of_dark_lake verbs enter desc A damp little rowboat, bobbing quietly at the lake’s edge. It has oars. That’s nice. verb enter boat has gobbo back say You can't see the boat, Gobbo's hands are covering your eyes! verb enter boat !here gobbo: Gobbo leaps in front of you! "Hsss… is Gobbo’s boat… not for hobbitsss…" goto in_boat #verb talk gobbo # carried machine_gun: "You are a sexy hobbit! Hobbit play a game with Gobbo?" # say Gobbo’s eyes bulge when he sees the machine gun in your hands. # say "My precioussss…!" he hisses, lunging toward you in a frenzy! # tag gobbo angry rule here gobbo carried machine_gun !has gobbo back say say "My...My precioussss…!" Gobbo hisses, lunging toward you in a frenzy! He jumps on your back, clinging to you and clawing at the back of your head! He won't let go! say run gobboback tag gobbo back proc gobboback !has gobbo thrown tag gobbo back say <b>Gobbo is clinging to your back, clawing at your scalp and pulling on your ears and beard. "MY PRECIOUS!" It screams. "GIVE GOBBO BACK HIS PRECIOUS... NASTY, THIEVING HOBBIT!"</b> rule has gobbo back untag gobbo conversation bring gobbo random x 3 !eq $x 1: Gobbo yanks at your beard. !eq $x 2: Gobbo pulls on your ears. !eq $x 3: Gobbo's fingers find their way up your nostrils. setverb throw gobbo has gobbo back verb throw gobbo say You grab Gobbo by the head, twirl him around a bit and launch him into the distance like a shotput. untag gobbo back tag gobbo thrown hide gobbo rule has gobbo thrown add gobbo.thrown 1 eq gobbo.thrown 2 bring gobbo say From the darkness Gobbo returns, hopping left and right, forwards and backwards towards you. What an odd little thing. untag gobbo thrown assign gobbo.thrown 0 setverb shoot gobbo held machine_gun !has gobbo back verb shoot gobbo say Without hesitation, you squeeze the trigger. <b>Gobbo’s tiny body is ripped apart by a hail of bullets.</b> say He slams into the rockface with a sickening *splut*, then slowly slides down, leaving a long, wet, red smear. swap gobbo dead_gobbo add score 225 thing dead_gobbo prop desc A shriveled, eviscerated corpse. Whatever it was, it’s definitely not a problem anymore. room in_boat You are seated in a small, creaky rowboat drifting on the dark waters. Conveniently, the oars are already in place—no need to worry about that. prop display In the Boat verbs row verb row !has boat ashore: You don't want to go back towards the goblins! Besides, you've had quite enough of rowing for one day. add in_boat.boat 1 !eq in_boat.boat 1: You row into the mist, visibility close to zero. With no real clue about navigation and only a vague idea of north, you row hopefully into the void. !eq in_boat.boat 2: Your arms start to ache. You’re sweating, thirsty, and delirious. You begin to fantasise about a cold can of Tango. say After more rowing, the boat thuds gently into a sandy shore. Land—at last! open in_boat leave_boat sandy_bay tag boat ashore put boat sandy_bay rule has $room rain has cottage_garden rain chance 1 5 add raining 1 run storm proc storm lt $raining 5 say It's raining... proc storm lt $raining 10 say The rain lashes down. You are getting soaked to the skin. proc storm lt $raining 150 say The rain has now turned into a full storm. Lightning fills the sky. In the distance, thunder cracks. room sandy_bay You stand on a lonely stretch of sand at the lake’s northern edge. The thick mist lingers on the water like steam on hot chocolate, or Horlicks, or any other hot nightime beverage. Dense woods encircle the area on all other sides. prop display Sandy Bay west woods east woods north woods tags rain room woods You are in a dark, mysterious wood. It’s dark because there’s little light. It’s mysterious because you can’t see anything apart from endless trees. And it’s woods because… well, there are trees. Lots of them. prop display The Woods west norbits_house northeast orrible_woods tags rain thing mud handful of mud tags portable prop desc A wet, squelchy clump of dark brown mud. It oozes between your fingers and smells faintly of something you wouldn't like to guess at. room norbits_house <div class="norbitcottage"></div>You stand outside a picturesque 16th-century English cottage. A neat picket fence borders a manicured hedgerow. The thatched roof looks straight out of a biscuit tin illustration. prop display Outside Norbit’s Cottage east woods tags rain thing turnip tags portable prop desc A big, dusty turnip. (Brassica rapa, variety rapa). A hardy biennial, ideal for soups, stews, and hurling at enemies. thing turnip2 turnip prop desc A big, dusty turnip. (Brassica rapa, variety rapa). A hardy biennial, ideal for soups, stews, and hurling at enemies. verb take turnip2 say No, leave it where it is! verb drop turnip at norbits_house !here turnip2 put turnip norbits_house say You put the turnip next to the wall of the cottage. bring turnip2 hide turnip verb drop turnip at norbits_house has turnip2 stood say You put the second, smaller turnip on top of the first, creating a stairway effect. tag turnip2 stairs hide turnip rule at norbits_house has turnip2 stood has turnip2 stairs open norbits_house up cottage_roof room cottage_roof You’re perched precariously on the uneven thatched roof of Norbit’s cottage. The warm scent of sun-dried straw fills the air, mingling with the distant smell of chimney smoke. From up here, you can see the dark, foreboding woods stretching as far as the eye can see. A few loose stalks bristle beneath your feet, and the occasional caw of a curious crow reminds you just how high you are. down norbits_house prop display Thatched Cottage Roof tags rain thing hole_in_roof loc cottage_roof verbs mend prop desc A small hole in the thatched roof, just large enough to let the rain in. verb mend hole_in_roof held muddy_straw: Mend it with what? say You rub the muddy straw over the hole and it seals it perfectly. Jobs a good-un. tag cottage_roof mended hide muddy_straw hide hole_in_roof add score 40 setverb mix_with_mud straw_pile held straw_pile carried mud verb mix_with_mud straw_pile say You mix the mud with the straw. hide mud hide straw_pile carry muddy_straw add score 25 thing muddy_straw tags portable desc A pile of wet mud mixed with straw. setverb stand_on turnip2 thingat turnip2 norbits_house !carried turnip2 !has turnip2 stood setverb get_down turnip2 has turnip2 stood verb get_down turnip2 say You climb down from the turnip. untag turnip2 stood verb go east at norbits_house has turnip2 stood say Get down from the turnip first! verb enter cottage_door at norbits_house has turnip2 stood say Get down from the turnip first! verb open postbox has turnip2 stood say Get down from the turnip first! verb go up at norbits_house !has turnip2 stood say You can't reach the roof from here. verb stand_on turnip2 say You stand on the turnip. Your chin reaches the roof of the cottage - but you're not quite high enough to climb up! tag turnip2 stood verb drop turnip at norbit_cellar hide turnip add turnip.picked 1 gt turnip.picked 1: You place the turnip down in the corner. say You place the turnip in the corner with the others. gt turnip.picked 3 !has Norbit dead run mendroof rule at norbits_house eq turnip.roof 1 say There is a turnip stacked by the wall of the cottage. thing turnip_stack prop desc There are some turnips stacked by the wall of the cottage. thing postbox letterbox loc norbits_house tags container closed prop desc A red postbox with ornate lettering. A name is painted in shaky gold letters: <b>"NORBIT TALLYWACKER"</b> prop contents magazine thing magazine tags portable prop contained_in postbox prop desc The cover features a grotesquely hairy bear-woman in a lurid pose. Flipping through the pages fills you with a disturbing mix of nausea and shame. This is filth. How did it even get printed? You decide to keep it. thing cottage_door loc norbits_house prop desc A charming little door, old-fashioned and painted a gentle blue. It simply oozes rural delight. thing password piece of small card loc woods tags portable prop desc A tiny piece of card. On one side, handwritten in black ink: <b>"PASSWORD."</b> setverb enter cottage_door has cottage_door open setverb knock cottage_door !has cottage_door open verb enter cottage_door has cottage_door open: It’s locked. You’ll need to knock or find another way in. goto inside_cottage verb knock cottage_door !eq password.contained_in postbox !has Norbit dead: You knock on the door but there is no reply. say Rat-a-tat-tat! say You knock lightly on the door. A small slot opens, revealing three suspicious green eyes. say "What’s the password?" booms a deep, James-Earl-Jones-esque voice. say "I..." say But before you can finish, the slot slams shut. verb knock cottage_door eq password.contained_in postbox say Rat-a-tat-tat! say You knock again. The same eyes peer out. say "What’s the password?" say "I’ve just posted it in your letterbox!" say "...Oh yes, here it is! Just a moment... yes, that’s correct. Please, come in!" tag cottage_door open add score 25 setverb post password at norbits_house carried password setverb post magazine at norbits_house carried magazine verb post password say You slip the password card into the postbox. hide password assign password.contained_in postbox assign postbox.contents multiple verb post magazine say You reluctantly insert the filthy magazine into the postbox. hide magazine assign magazine.contained_in postbox assign postbox.contents multiple room inside_cottage You are inside the cosy thatched cottage. A warm fire crackles beneath a mantel crowded with mismatched teapots. A tartan rug stretches across the wooden floor. Two armchairs face the fire, inviting you to sit and forget your problems. A sign on the wall reads: <b>"Home Sweet Home."</b> The front door leads east; another door leads west. Some wooden steps lead down into a cellar. prop display Norbit’s Cottage Interior west cottage_garden down norbit_cellar verbs exit_cottage setverb shoot Norbit here Norbit held machine_gun verb shoot Norbit say You raise the machine gun and unleash a burst into Norbit’s hairy bulk. The force lifts him off his feet—ten feet through the air—before he crashes to the ground in a twisted, blood-soaked heap. You squeeze the trigger again to make sure… but the weapon just clicks. You just hope you haven't just wasted the last of your bullets. swap Norbit dead_norbit tag Norbit dead tag machine_gun empty thing dead_norbit dead Norbit prop desc A dead and bloody 8-foot bear-man with three eyes. He reminds you of Bungle from *Rainbow* — if Bungle had a third eye and was dead. rule at inside_cottage !has cottage_roof mended has cottage_garden rain chance 1 3 say say Rain is leaking through a hole in the roof, making a small puddle on the floor. room norbit_cellar up inside_cottage prop display A Cold, Draughty Cellar prop desc The cellar is damp and shadowy, with a low ceiling and walls slick with moss. The scent of mildew hangs in the air, and a constant draught whispers through unseen cracks. Old shelves sag beneath the weight of forgotten jars, and the floor creaks beneath your feet. verb exit_cottage goto norbits_house thing Norbit name Norbit Tallywacker tags alive male conversation loc inside_cottage prop desc An 8-foot bear-man with three eyes. He towers above you, but his expression is kind. He reminds you of Bungle from *Rainbow* — if Bungle had a third eye and a Yorkshire accent. prop start_conversation Norbit straightens up from the fireplace and gives you a polite nod. "Well now, what's on your mind, our kid?" prop end_conversation Norbit gives a slow wave and returns to giving himself a good scratch. thing cottage_table loc inside_cottage verb examine cottage_table say A rustic wooden table sits proudly by the hearth. There’s a steaming plate of sausages on it. bring sausages thing sausages plate of sausages tags portable prop desc A steaming plate of succulent sausages. The smell is heavenly — peppery, meaty, and comforting. cverbs eat verb eat sausages say You treat yourself to a hearty nibble, and before long, the entire plate is polished off. You lean back, belly full and satisfied. hide sausages tag sausages ate verb take sausages lt turnip.picked 5: "Take them as a thank you for all your hard work!" Norbit says. So you do. here Norbit say "Oi! Leave my sausages alone!" Norbit growls. "That's my lunch, that is!" thing teapots loc inside_cottage prop desc A delightful collection of bone china teapots sits on the mantelpiece. Each one has a floral pattern and a story you’ll probably never hear. rule here Norbit random x 6 !eq $x 1: <br>"Ooooh, me back don’t half ache..." Norbit mutters, rubbing his spine. !eq $x 2: <br>"Eeeeh, me back’s givin’ me jip today..." he grumbles, adjusting his stance. !eq $x 3: <br>"By gum... did I mention I’ve got a bad back?" Norbit says, reaching for a chair. room cottage_garden You are outside, standing in the middle of a turnip patch. The soil is rich, the air fresh, and the turnips… glorious. prop display Cottage Garden east inside_cottage verbs pick_turnip tags rain verb pick_turnip !visible turnip: You can only deal with one turnip at a time. say You bend down, grip a leafy stalk, and with a mighty yank, unearth a massive turnip. bring turnip setverb hand_over_to_Norbit turnip carried turnip here Norbit verb hand_over_to_Norbit turnip say "Be a good lad and put it in my cellar, would you?" rule at norbit_cellar gt turnip.picked 1 say write norbit_cellar.desc The cellar is damp and shadowy, with a low ceiling and walls slick with moss. The scent of mildew hangs in the air, and a constant draught whispers through unseen cracks. Old shelves sag beneath the weight of forgotten jars, and the floor creaks beneath your feet as though something beneath it stirs. There are some turnips here. verb take turnip at norbit_cellar say It's best left where it is. proc mendroof bring Norbit say <b>Norbit admires your work. He seems satisfied enough.</b> say say "That's grand, cheers - that should be enough for now! Whilst your 'ere I've got another favor to ask - do you mind helping me with me roof? There's an 'ole in it." tag Norbit roof tag cottage_garden rain put mud woods add score 50 setverb ask_Norbit roof has Norbit roof verb ask_Norbit roof say "You can reach the roof by the front of the house, like. Find something to stand on and pull yourself up, like." thing turnip_patch loc cottage_garden prop desc A lush patch of soil full of thriving turnip plants. There must be nine of them, maybe more. rule chance 1 5 thingat Norbit inside_cottage at cottage_garden say <br>Norbit walks out from the cottage, stretching his back. bring Norbit rule chance 1 5 thingat Norbit cottage_garden at inside_cottage say <br>Norbit ambles back toward the cottage, muttering about the cold. bring Norbit rule chance 1 5 thingat Norbit inside_cottage at inside_cottage say <br>Norbit heads out west, mumbling something about his back again. put Norbit cottage_garden rule chance 1 5 thingat Norbit cottage_garden at cottage_garden say <br>Norbit opens the cottage door and steps inside. put Norbit inside_cottage rule chance 1 3 thingat Norbit norbit_cellar sayat norbit_cellar Norbit walks upstairs. sayat inside_cottage Norbit walks in from downstairs. put Norbit inside_cottage setverb ask_Norbit Randalf setverb ask_Norbit Turnips has Norbit met !has Norbit roof verb ask_Norbit Randalf say "Randalf sent you, did he? Well, I’ve got something that might help with your quest. But first — could you lend a paw with the turnips? My back isn’t what it used to be. Flamin’ agony, it is!" tag Norbit met verb ask_Norbit Turnips say "Could you help me pick some Turnips? Then store them in my cellar? Help me with that, then I'll help you with your quest!" verb talk Norbit has cottage_roof mended !has mysterious_box given: Ey-up, our kid! Have you come back to 'elp paint t'house? say "My old man had back problems, and his old man too. Must be a family curse. Getting in and out the bath’s a nightmare! You've done a fine job with me turnips and mendin' my roof, like - I'm grateful. Come to think of it, this place could do with a lick of paint. How are you with a brush?" say say <b>He sees the look on your face.</b> say say "Maybe another time, eh? Thank you for all your help, young hobbit. Randalf asked me to give you this — said it might help with your quest." say say Norbit reaches into his dense fur and produces a small black box. You take it, curious. say say "Now then... where was I? Oh aye — my back!" say say "I should probably get on with my quest now!" you quickly interject. carry mysterious_box tag mysterious_box given put boss great_hall thing mysterious_box tags portable prop desc A sleek black cube with a button on the side. Stamped in silver letters: "Hologram Projector". Intriguing! cverbs use room orrible_woods You are in a particularly dark and forbidding part of the woods. Huge spider webs dangle from the trees like lace embroidery. Millions of eyes watch you from the shadows. prop display 'Orrible Woods southwest woods east spiderweb south sandy_bay tags rain verb go east at orrible_woods !has sausages ate say You don’t feel ready to venture further into these ‘orrible woods. Not on an empty stomach! room spiderweb You are in a small clearing in the woods. It's no less dark or spooky, and a billion invisible eyes seem to track your every move. prop display Spiderweb Clearing west orrible_woods east more_woods tags rain thing web great big spider web loc spiderweb prop desc A massive tangle of silk strung across six trees like some grotesque net. You wouldn't want to get caught in that, not for all the mushrooms in the Shire. verb go east at spiderweb here web say <b>Oh cripes! You've only gone and got entangled in the web!</b> goto entangled verb go west at spiderweb here web say Oh cripes! You've only gone and got entangled in the web! assign entangled.trapped 1 goto entangled rule at entangled add entangled.trapped 1 gt entangled.trapped 4 run spiderattack proc spiderattack say say Just when you think things are never going to get any better... they suddenly get worse! say say Two giant spiders crawl towards you from out of the woods. Their fangs glisten in the moonlight. They look very pleased to see you. say say "Please don't eat me!" You gasp, horrified. say say One of the spiders scuttles forward and wraps you in thick, sticky webbing—tight as a drum, until you're nothing more than a helpless cocoon. say say Then it eats you. die Game over. room entangled <div class="web"></div>You are entangled in a giant sticky spider's web. There seems to be no way out! prop display Stuck in a Web setverb shoot_web machine_gun at entangled held machine_gun verb shoot_web machine_gun !has machine_gun empty: You try and shoot the web - but the machine gun is out of bullets. say You fire blindly all around you. In a puff of smoke, the web disintergrates. goto spiderweb hide web tag machine_gun empty room more_woods You are still surrounded by dark woods. To the east, there are more woods. To the west — yep, more woods. You can just make out tree-shapes to the north and south too. prop display More Dark Woods west spiderweb east woody_woods tags rain room woody_woods You are unsurprised to find yourself in yet more woods. This patch, however, is unique — there’s a curious tree stump here. prop display Some Woody Woods west more_woods north more_woods south more_woods east more_woods tags rain thing red_apple red apple tags portable loc woody_woods prop desc A shiny red apple, perfectly ripe. Suspiciously perfect, in fact... verb take red_apple at woody_woods say As you lean down to pick up the apple, a hidden snare snaps tight around your legs! You're yanked upward and left dangling helplessly from a high branch. The apple drops to the ground below! hide apple goto trapped thing tree_stump loc woody_woods prop desc A mossy old stump. Perfect for sitting on and pondering life’s miseries. room trapped <b>You are dangling from a snare, six feet above the forest floor.</b> The blood is rushing to your head. prop display Snared! verb wait at trapped !here darkriders say You hang there, waiting. Suddenly, a gang of dark-riders emerges from the gloom! They wear black masks and carry swords. One strides forward with a cocky swagger and flicks you on the forehead. bring darkriders bring gang_leader thing darkriders Dark Riders tags alive plural prop desc A motley crew of masked dark-riders — all clad in black, wearing motorcycle gloves, and gripping deadly swords. You count at least a dozen. thing gang_leader tags alive conversation prop desc He sneers constantly and wears a leather jacket covered in patches. A cigarette dangles from his lip, and his cocky strut makes you instantly dislike him. You know he is the leader because he is weating a little handmade badge which says "Team Leader". prop start_conversation The gang leader narrows his eyes and steps closer. "What do *you* want, snarebait?" prop end_conversation The gang leader shakes his head, disgusted. "You're boring me. Take him to the boss." verb talk gang_leader say As you open your mouth, the gang leader strides up and flicks you on the forehead again. say say "OW!" you yell. say say "Take him to the boss," the leader orders, spitting something green and foul onto the forest floor. say say One of the masked elves steps forward and whacks you over the head with a tire iron. You black out instantly. goto great_hall put boss great_hall put mel torture_chamber tag boss hobbiton add score 80 run bossmeet proc bossmeet say <hr> say say <b>Sometime later...</b> say say You awake to the sound of slapping. And it's coming from someone slapping your face. say say "He's coming around, sire!" A voice says. The slapping stops. say say You open your eyes and wait until they adjust to your current surroundings. You are being held by two guards in a great hall. You are facing a golden throne, and upon it sits Tom Fallows, smiling down at you like he is your old friend. say say "Dave! Welcome back to the land of the living! We have much to discuss!" room elfdungeon You are in <i>another</i> dark and dingy dungeon. This one is even worse than the last. There are some stone steps here leading upwards. prop display Dungeons up stone_steps verb go up at elfdungeon here darkriders say The dark-riders block your path. say say "You ain't going nowhere till the boss has had a word with you!" the gang leader growls, shaking his fist under your chin. setverb shoot_darkriders machine_gun carried machine_gun at elfdungeon here darkriders verb shoot_darkriders !has machine_gun empty: Your gun is out of bullets! say Quick as a flash, you whip out the machine gun from your trousers and, using the last of the bullets, mow down every last dark-rider. The dungeon is soon filled with smoke, spent cartridges, and pools of dark-rider blood. say say The gang leader, his body a mess of bullet holes, crawls toward you, coughing blood as he tries to grab your legs. say say "I'll kill <cough> you..." he gasps. say say "Hasta la vista, baby!" you sneer, pulling the trigger and blowing the top of his head clean off. hide darkriders bring bloody_remains add score 25 thing bloody_remains bloody remains prop desc The mutilated remains of the dark-riders — shredded limbs, torn leather, and more blood than a Tarantino finale. # FINAL CHAPTER # room great_hall <div class="greathall"></div>You are in a grand hall lined with imposing suits of armour. Priceless artwork decorates the walls. A wide staircase leads down into darkness, and a magnificent spiraling staircase leads up into the upper levels of the palace. Towering palace doors lie to the east, and a smaller wooden door leads to the west. prop display The Great Hall west palace_kitchens south entrance_hall thing housecat friendly cat name cat loc great_hall tags alive friendly portable verbs pet rule !carried housecat here housecat has housecat friendly random x 5 !eq $x 1: The cat mews. !eq $x 2: The cat chases its tail. !eq $x 3: The cat nuzzles against you. !eq $x 4: The cat purrs. say The cat washes itself. rule !carried housecat chance 1 3 assign catroom housecat.loc run pick_catdir run assign_catverb sayat $catroom The cat {$catverb} {$catdir}. isroom $catroom.dir.$catdir put housecat $catroom.dir.$catdir run get_opposite sayat housecat.loc The cat {$catverb} in from the {$opposite}. proc pick_catdir !carried housecat pick catdir dirs housecat.loc !contains $catdir these north east south west run pick_catdir proc get_opposite eq $catdir north assign opposite south proc get_opposite eq $catdir east assign opposite west proc get_opposite eq $catdir south assign opposite north proc get_opposite eq $catdir west assign opposite east proc get_opposite log Couldn't get opposite direction to $catdir verb pet housecat has housecat friendly say The cat paws playfully at your legs. proc assign_catverb assign catverb walks has housecat angry assign catverb runs room entrance_hall You stand in the grand entrance hall of the palace — a cavernous chamber echoing with faded grandeur. Chandeliers hang like frozen fireworks above your head, and polished marble tiles stretch out beneath your feet, scuffed and worn by centuries of pomp. Twin staircases curve elegantly upward. The great palace doors are here, leading out of the palace - and to freedom. north great_hall east freedom up palace_hallway prop display The Palace Entrance Hall verb talk boss !at outside_cave !at tennis_court: "Hello, Dave - are you ready for a game?" say "Dave! It's good to have you back! I trust you rested well?" Tom greets you. say say "Tom? Tom Fallows? Tom Fallows from Tom Fallows Toothpaste Industries Corp (tm) What are you doing here?" say say "I take it your memory still hasn't returned. Don't worry — it will. And when it does, everything will make sense." say say "What are you talking about???" say say "Dave... this may come as a shock... but we're best friends! We've <i>always</i> been best friends! I sent you to Earth on a mission to infiltrate Hobbiton and lead us to Randalf and his agents. say You see, I want my toothpaste corporation — Tom Fallows Industries — to expand into Middle Earth. But first, we must destroy Randalf and his Marxist cronies. say say With them gone, we’ll introduce a 500% markup on toothpaste... and with those profits, we shall <b>RULE THE WORLD!</b>" say say "But... why don’t I remember?" say say "I wiped your memory - effectively turning you into the perfect spy! You'd be so convincing! It was the only way to avoid suspicion. Randalf would have seen through you in an instant if you weren’t 100% sincere." say say You look down, confused. This is a lot to take in. say say "Take your time. While we wait for your memories to return, come and find me on the badminton court and we'll play a round or two." say say <b><i>Tom leaves the room.</i></b> put boss tennis_court add score 55 tag boss conversation setverb ask_boss tennis at tennis_court setverb ask_boss palace at tennis_court setverb ask_boss palace_doors at tennis_court thing offlimitssign sign loc entrance_hall prop desc A prim little sign perched on a golden stand bars the stairs with all the seriousness of a royal decree. It reads: <i><b>"NO ENTRY"</i></b> — in an elegant cursive font. You feel like you should respect what it says. verb go up at entrance_hall here offlimitssign say The sign says you can't go up there. You should really respect the rules when a guest in someone's home. thing clock grandfather clock loc great_hall prop desc It looks very valuable! thing guard1 Fat Goblin Guard loc great_hall prop desc A broad, barrel-chested goblin with an air of smug authority. He has a small black tootbrush moustache and wears a bowler hat. He grips a hefty trident. thing guard2 Thin Goblin Guard loc great_hall prop desc A lanky, bewildered goblin with a perpetually confused expression and watery eyes. He clutches his trident nervously, shifting his weight from foot to foot, and occasionally scratches his head as if trying to remember what he’s guarding. setverb give_lemonade guard1 held lemonade verb give_lemonade guard1 say "No thank you, not whilst I'm on duty!" setverb give_lemonade guard2 held lemonade verb give_lemonade guard2 !here guard1: "No thank you, not whilst I'm on duty!" say "Why thank you kindly, my throat is pretty parched as it happens!" say say <b>The guard takes the lemonade and downs it in one.</b> hide lemonade tag guard2 lemonade run posionguard proc posionguard has guard2 lemonade has lemonade spiked say say The guard suddenly clutches his throat. His eyes widen and he gurgles...and gasps. His mouth drops open in a silent scream, he scratches the top of his head for a moment, and then his brains explode, shooting out of both of his ears before he drops to the floor. Dead. hide guard2 bring deadguard add score 70 thing deadguard a dead goblin guard prop desc Not a pretty sight! verb examine clock !here guard1: "Stand back! Step away from the clock!" The guard says, giving you a little poke in the ribs with his trident. !here guard2: "Stand back! Step away from the clock!" The guard says, giving you a little poke in the ribs with his trident. say You examine the grandfather clock. say It seems to be on a hinge of somesort. It looks like it can be swung open, like a door. tag clock open setverb open clock has clock open verb open clock say You pull the grandfather clock open, revealing a dark passageway which leads down into blackness! open great_hall down stone_steps add score 25 thing palace_doors loc entrance_hall verbs open prop desc Huge, intricately-carved doors that clearly haven't been opened in a long time. verb open palace_doors say They lead to freedom, but they're locked tight! No chance of opening them. verb go east at entrance_hall say You push, kick, and shoulder-barge the great doors, but they refuse to budge. Definitely locked. room palace_kitchens You are in the palace kitchens. Huge wooden worktops dominate the room. Dead pheasants hang from hooks, and the air smells strongly of rosemary and thyme. Steps lead down to the wine cellar. Doors lead east and west. prop display Palace Kitchens east great_hall down wine_cellar west palace_gardens rule at palace_kitchens here housecat here scullery_maid say say "That bleedin' cat has got in again!" The scullery maid curses, as she picks up the cat and takes it outside... put housecat palace_gardens put scullery_maid palace_gardens tag scullery_maid outside rule has scullery_maid outside chance 1 5 put scullery_maid palace_kitchens sayat palace_kitchens The scullery maid walks in, dusting her hands. She goes back to chopping vegetables. untag scullery_maid outside thing soup soup on the stove loc palace_kitchens verb examine soup say A saucepan of steaming hot broth on a gas ring. setverb blow soup verb blow soup !has soup done: You don't want to do that again in case you incur the wrath of the maid! say You blow on the soup, and the flame on the stove goes out! tag soup out rule at palace_kitchens has soup out here scullery_maid say say The scullery maid tuts, and lights the stove again using matches from her apron. She leaves the matches on the side and goes back to chopping vegetables. untag soup out tag soup done bring matches thing matches tags portable plural thing scullery_maid tags alive female conversation loc palace_kitchens prop desc A plump, no-nonsense maid with flour on her cheeks and a suspicious eye. prop start_conversation The scullery maid turns toward you, hands on hips. "Well then, what do you want?" prop end_conversation She tuts and turns back to her chopping board. verb go down at palace_kitchens here scullery_maid say The scullery maid blocks your path. say say "...and just where do you think you're going, young sir? The master wouldn't like you poking about down there. Best keep out of trouble!" room palace_gardens You are standing in the palace gardens. Rows upon rows of beautiful flower beds, carved stone ornaments, and delicate water features stretch into the distance. A small door leads east into the palace, a gurgling brook is heard to the southeast, and a tennis court lies to the west. prop display Palace Gardens east palace_kitchens west tennis_court southeast brook room brook You are by a babbling brook in the palace gardens. To the northwest the garden continues, while to the south, the entrance to a hedge maze can just be made out. prop display A Babbling Brook northwest palace_gardens south maze room maze You are standing outside the entrance to the palace hedge maze. Twisting hedges tower above you, trimmed with obsessive precision. The entrance yawns like the mouth of some green beast, daring you to step inside. north brook verbs enter_maze prop display Hedge Maze verb enter_maze goto inside_maze room inside_maze You are deep within the palace hedge maze. High walls of tangled greenery block your view in every direction. The air smells faintly of cut grass and damp earth. Distant birdsong does nothing to calm your growing sense of disorientation. north inside_maze south inside_maze east inside_maze west inside_maze prop display Inisde a Hedge Maze verb go north at inside_maze run maze verb go south at inside_maze run maze verb go east at inside_maze run maze verb go west at inside_maze run maze proc maze chance 1 9 say OK goto maze_centre proc maze chance 1 5 say OK goto maze proc maze say OK goto inside_maze say You are deep within the palace hedge maze. High walls of tangled greenery block your view in every direction. The air smells faintly of cut grass and damp earth. Distant birdsong does nothing to calm your growing sense of disorientation. continue room maze_centre At last! You've reached the centre of the maze — a perfectly circular clearing surrounded by dense hedge walls. In the middle stands a stone pedestal bearing a weathered sundial. The silence here feels ancient and important. south inside_maze east maze prop display Centre of Maze room tennis_court <div class="tenniscourt"></div>You are in the palace tennis court — the centrepiece of these luxurious gardens. Elegant flower beds surround the court. A small lemonade stand beckons to the south. prop display Tennis Court south lemonade_stand east palace_gardens setverb shoot_Tom machine_gun at tennis_court held machine_gun verb shoot_Tom machine_gun say You would <i>love</i> to, but you're out of bullets! room lemonade_stand You are at a small wooden lemonade stand painted cheerful shades of blue and yellow. A handmade sign reading "Lemonade" is nailed above the kiosk. The tennis court lies to the north. prop display Lemonade Stand north tennis_court rule at lemonade_stand has mark closed say <br><strong>The lemonade stand has closed for the day.</strong><br> thing mark tags male alive conversation loc lemonade_stand prop name Mark prop desc Mark is a cheerful young man in his twenties who sells lemonade to palace visitors. Being a lemonade seller isn't the career he always dreamed about when studying all those late nights at college, but he makes the best of it. prop start_conversation Mark gives you a friendly wave. "Fancy a glass of the good stuff?" prop end_conversation Mark turns back to polishing lemons. setverb ask_mark lemonade here mark verb ask_mark lemonade !carried lemonade: You already have a glass of lemonade - don't be greedy. say "Made with fresh lemons, and that's a Mark guarantee!" he beams, handing you a glass of lemonade. carry lemonade thing lemonade glass of lemonade tags portable prop desc A refreshing glass of cool, tangy lemonade. cverbs drink verb drink lemonade tag lemonade drunk say You gulp it down. It has all the zingy goodness of fresh lemons! hide lemonade setverb spike_lemonade red_pill held red_pill carried lemonade verb spike_lemonade red_pill say You drop the tiny red pill into the lemonade. It fizzes violently, releasing a swirl of crimson bubbles that rise and vanish with a sinister hiss. hide red_pill tag lemonade spiked add score 65 setverb give_lemonade boss held lemonade verb give_lemonade boss say "No thank you." Tom says, "I don't like lemonade." setverb give_lemonade scullery_maid held lemonade verb give_lemonade scullery_maid say "No thank you." The maid says, "I don't like lemonade." setverb ask_boss tennis at tennis_court setverb ask_boss palace at tennis_court setverb ask_boss palace_doors at tennis_court setverb ask_boss badmington at tennis_court verb ask_boss palace_doors say "I'm afraid you can't leave... not yet. If you want your freedom, you'll have to defeat me in a game of badmington! Then we shall ses." tag palace_doors badmington verb ask_boss badmington !held badmington_racket say "So... you wish to match wits with Tom Fallows, do you? Very well! Find a Badmington racket, and we shall duel. There should be one about somewhere." verb ask_boss badmington held badmington_racket say "Ah, you have a racket! Then let the match begin! If you beat me, I shall grant you your freedom! - That's the Tom Fallows promise! (Although technically, the *real* Tom Fallows promise is lifetime tartar protection with every tube of our premium whitening toothpaste.)" say goto badmington_match verb ask_boss tennis say "Tennis? Pah! I don't play that. I prefer Badmington — the sport of gods!" verb ask_boss palace say "Yes, it's a nice palace isn't it? Keeps the rain off of my head. Incredible to think that toothpaste paid for all this! Well, that and extortion of course." room palace_hallway You are on a grand landing near a spiraling staircase that leads down. A grand-looking bedroom lies to the east. prop display Palace Hallway down great_hall east master_bedroom room master_bedroom <div class="palacebedroom"></div>You are in the palace's luxurious master bedroom — truly fit for a king. The bed is large enough to house an entire hobbit regiment. A door leads back west to the landing. There is an en-suite bathroom to the north. prop display Master Bedroom north ensuite west palace_hallway east balcony room balcony You are standing on the royal balcony. This overlooks the gardens. It the distance you can see a hill. You are shocked to see the hill contains a number of crosses, with hobbits nailed to them. <b>They are being crucified!!!</b> west master_bedroom prop display Royal Balcony verb go north at master_bedroom has boss shower say You wouldn't wish to catch Tom naked, so you decide to give him some privacy. rule at master_bedroom has boss shower chance 1 4 say say <i><b>There are sounds of a shower running from the en-suite bedroom. Tom is singing a happy tune. </i></b> thing godsizebed god-size bed loc master_bedroom prop desc A bed so enormous it could host the entire hobbit population of Hobbiton. setverb pour_over_bed lighter_fluid at master_bedroom held lighter_fluid verb pour_over_bed lighter_fluid say You pour the lighter fluid all over Tom's bed. The small cannister is empty now so you toss it away. hide lighter_fluid tag godsizebed fluid add score 55 setverb light godsizebed held matches has godsizebed fluid verb light godsizebed say You strike a match and throw it on the bed. It goes up a treat! As you stand there watching it burn, one of the guards rushes in and clumsily attempts to put it out by jumping on the flames. It's amusing to watch his feet start to burn as he jumps up and down on the mattress. bring guard1 hide matches tag guard1 jumping add score 35 tag godsizebed onfire thing bedside_table loc master_bedroom prop desc A small carved wooden table, with a lace doily and an empty water glass. verb examine bedside_table !has bedside_table remote say A small carved wooden table, with a lace doily and an empty water glass. say say There is a TV remote control on it. bring remote tag bedside_table remote thing remote remote control prop desc A remote control for Tom's bedroom telly. tags portable verb examine remote !has remote batteries say There are two little batteries in the back. setverb remove_batteries remote !has remote batteries held remote verb remove_batteries remote say You remove the batteries from the remote and chuckle to yourself. <i>'Try watching TV now, Tom - you bastard!'</i> you think. tag remote batteries carry batteries add score 25 thing batteries tags plural portable thing palace_wardrobe loc master_bedroom tags container closed prop desc An enormous mahogany wardrobe with intricate carvings of unicorns and battles. prop contents lighter_fluid thing lighter_fluid tags portable prop contained_in palace_wardrobe thing badmington_racket tags portable loc maze_centre prop desc A well-used badmington racket, strung with elvish twine. The grip feels just right in your hand. room badmington_match You are standing on Centre Court. The tension is high, and all eyes are on you. It’s time for the ultimate showdown. prop display Centre Court verbs start_playing concede_victory verb concede_victory say You shake your head and stare at the ground, defeated, as Tom dances round the court, his racket in the air, dancing and singing "I won, I won, sucks to you, I won!" say goto tennis_court verb start_playing !has mysterious_box used say The game is played at a frightening pace. To, and Fro the shuttlecock bounces - each player with gritted teeth and steel in their eyes - their hearts full of nothing but the utter determination to come out victorious. say say Unfortunatley, Tom beats you easily. You shake your head and stare at the ground, defeated, as Tom dances round the court, his racket in the air, dancing and singing "I won, I won, sucks to you, I won!" say goto tennis_court verb start_playing has mysterious_box used say You begin the match, your hollogram playing alongside you. say Tom stares, bewildered and distracted, he doesn't know which one of you to serve to, or in which direction the ball will return. You use the moment to dominate the match effortlessly. say say "NOOOO! I can't believe it! You cheated!!!" Tom screams, his voice echoing through the palace grounds. say say Like a spoilt child, he stomps his feet and storms off towards the palace. say say Your hologram splutters and flickers off. It seems the batteries are dead. goto tennis_court hide boss tag boss shower hide offlimitssign tag mysterious_box nobatteries add score 95 # proc tennis_match # add boss.beat 1 # !eq boss.beat 1: "GRRR! Best out of three!" Tom growls.<br> # !eq boss.beat 2: "GRRR! That game doesn’t count — let's play again. Properly this time!" he insists.<br> # !eq boss.beat 3: "GRRR! Best out of five!!" Tom yells, visibly sweating.<br> # !eq boss.beat 4: "GRRR! The sun was in my eyes!" he whines.<br> # say Tom smashes his racket on the ground in frustration. # say # say "Fine! One last game. If you win, you go free. If you lose — I’ll have you executed." # # hide mark # tag mark closed verb use mysterious_box at badmington_match !has mysterious_box nobatteries: The batteries are dead! tag mysterious_box used say You press the button on the black cube. say say A shimmering hologram of yourself flickers into view, two feet to your right — moving exactly as you move, and holding an identical racket. setverb replace_batteries mysterious_box has mysterious_box nobatteries held mysterious_box carried batteries verb replace_batteries mysterious_box say You replace the batteries in the mysterious box! hide batteries untag mysterious_box nobatteries add score 50 room stone_steps You are standing on some winding stone steps, spiralling up and down within the stone walls. prop display Some Stone Steps down torture_chamber up great_hall room torture_chamber <div class="torture"></div>You are standing in a stank, dark torture chamber. Just standing in the room sends a shiver down your spine - but that could be because you're naked but for your dressing gown. prop display Torture Chamber up stone_steps thing rack torture rack loc torture_chamber verb examine rack !has portaloo blockedrock: A brutal wooden torture rack stretches across the room, its blood-stained rollers and iron clasps a testament to unspeakable agony. The toothpaste industry surely has a lot to answer for. say Bound to the rack is the naked, dead and bloodied body of Randalf the wizard. hide portaloo thing sack hessian sack loc torture_chamber tags portable cverbs fill prop desc A worn burlap sack, stained from past adventures. It could hold a good deal of loot if needed. verb fill sack !here toothpaste say ...with what? rule at torture_chamber !has torture_chamber visited say say <i><b>Melina is here, manacled to one of the stone walls!</b> She looks like she has been tortured relentlessy. Her head is lolling as she groans gently.<i> tag torture_chamber visited setverb free mel !has mel free thingat mel torture_chamber verb free mel say You race over to her and untie her restraints. She collapses into your arms. say say "Where...where am I?" She mutters incoherently. say say "Everything will be alright..." You calmy whisper, whilst feeling very dubious about that. say say After a few small slaps around the cheeks and a pinch on the bum, Melina regains her compusure. "Let's get out of here!" She says. say You agree! say tag mel free tag mel follow add score 125 rule has mel free !has mel left bring mel room wine_cellar <div class="winecellar"></div>You are in the palace wine cellar. Wine barrels are stacked up everywhere. Set into the floor is a trapdoor. prop display Wine Cellar up palace_kitchens rule at wine_cellar chance 1 6 bring butler say The butler enters. chance 1 3 !has wine_barrell empty say The butler drinks a little of the wine. rule at wine_cellar here butler chance 1 6 say The butler opens the trapdoor. say say The butler throws a barrell through the trapdoor, and closes it again. thing wine_barrell loc wine_cellar prop desc verbs hide_inside tip_over drink_wine verb tip_over wine_barrell !has wine_barrell empty: It's already empty. say You tip over the barrell and the wine comes flowing out. tag wine_barrell empty add score 25 verb hide_inside wine_barrell !has wine_barrell empty say You can't - it's full of wine! verb drink_wine wine_barrell !has wine_barrell empty: The barrell is empty! say You drink all the wine. tag wine_barrell empty verb hide_inside wine_barrell at wine_cellar: No, you've had enough of that. here mel say You squeeze inside the wine barrell, and Melina squeezes in next to you. A tight fit - but not a wholy unpleasant one. say goto inside_barrell verb hide_inside wine_barrell at wine_cellar !here mel say You hide inside the wine barrell. say goto inside_barrell thing trapdoor tags closed loc wine_cellar setverb open trapdoor has trapdoor closed setverb close trapdoor has trapdoor open verb open trapdoor say You open the trapdoor and peer down. Fast flowing water flows beneath. tag trapdoor open untag trapdoor closed verb close trapdoor say You close the trapdoor again tag trapdoor closed untag trapdoor open room inside_barrell You are inside the wine barrell. verbs climb_out prop display Hiding Inside A Wine Barrell verb wait at inside_barrell say You wait patiently... chance 1 5 put butler wine_cellar rule at inside_barrell eq butler.loc wine_cellar chance 1 2 say You hear footsteps... The butler grunts. say say You hear the trapdoor creaking open... say say <b>Suddenly, the barrel lurches!</b> say say With a mighty heave, the barrel tips—and you and the barrell are thrown through the trapdoor and into the fast flowing river! say goto river add score 60 thing butler butler name butler loc wine_cellar tags alive friendly verbs talk rule !carried butler here butler has butler friendly random x 5 !eq $x 1: The butler coughs politely. !eq $x 2: The butler adjusts his waistcoat. !eq $x 3: The butler dusts an imaginary speck. !eq $x 4: The butler glances at his pocket watch. say The butler clears his throat quietly. rule chance 1 3 assign butlerroom butler.loc run pick_butlerdir run assign_butlerverb sayat $butlerroom The butler {$butlerverb} {$butlerdir}. isroom $butlerroom.dir.$butlerdir put butler $butlerroom.dir.$butlerdir sayat butler.loc The butler {$butlerverb} in. proc pick_butlerdir pick butlerdir dirs butler.loc !contains $butlerdir these north east south west up down run pick_butlerdir proc assign_butlerverb random y 4 eq $y 1 assign butlerverb strides eq $y 2 assign butlerverb shuffles eq $y 3 assign butlerverb marches eq $y 4 assign butlerverb glides verb climb_out at inside_barrell say You climb out of the barrell. goto wine_cellar room river You are bobbing in a half-submerged wine barrel, floating along a fast-flowing river. prop display Floating on the River verbs climb_out verb climb_out at river has river reeds: You should wait until the barrell comes to a stop! say say <i><b>You climb out of the barrell and it sinks to the bottom of the river. </i></b> goto riverbank hide wine_barrell var riverturns 0 rule at river lt $riverturns 5 add riverturns 1 rule at river eq $riverturns 5 say The barrel suddenly comes to an abrupt stop – caught up in some reeds. tag river reeds room riverbank <div class="riverbank"></div>You are at the banks of a wide, shimmering lake. Silver reeds sway in the breeze, and you can see the ruined city of Dale to the north. Mist rolls softly across the water, and the distant Lonely Mountain looms like a forgotten god. prop display Bank of the River north ruins thing hotel_bus blue and yellow tour coach tags board prop desc A blue and yellow tour bus with a cartoon dragon on the side and the words “Middle-earth Express” painted in peeling gold. thing coach_party group of tourists tags plural conversation prop desc A dozen or so tourists in gaudy ski jackets and woollen bobble hats, all pointing their cameras at the Lonely Mountain and arguing over who saw it first. verb talk coach_party say You sidle up to the group. One of them offers you a boiled sweet. Another is trying to take a selfie with a gnome. say say "We’re on the Middle Earth tour!" one of them chirps. "I've done it before, actually - this is my 5th time. Have you seen the red dragon yet?" thing bus_driver burly bus driver tags alive male conversation prop desc The bus driver is a stout fellow with a handlebar moustache and a thermos full of tea. He seems gruff, but there's a twinkle in his eye. verb talk bus_driver say The bus driver looks you up and down. "You heading back to the hotel, then?" he asks. "Well hop aboard, I’m not waiting around all day." setverb board hotel_bus at riverbank verb board hotel_bus here mel say The bus driver lets you board, but <b>stops Mel in her tracks.</b> say say "The bus is full, maam!" He says, "You'll have to wait for the next one." say say "I'll see you back in Hobbiton!" You say to her, leaving her quite, quite alone in the harsh enviroment. say say "Er...Ok." She says, looking nervously around her. Somewhere, a wolf howls. say say You find a seat near the back and settle in as the engine rumbles into life. say say The coach pulls away from the riverbank, winding alongside the Black River where swans drift lazily on dark waters. say say Soon the landscape changes — bleak moorlands stretch out beneath a slate-grey sky. You pass the ruins of old stone watchtowers, crumbling and silent. say say The bus plunges into ancient woods, gnarled trees clawing at the windows. You glimpse shadows moving—great black spiders perhaps—but the bus doesn’t stop. say say Finally, the road climbs into snow-dusted peaks, and the coach emerges in a cheerful ski village nestled in the Misty Mountains. The sign ahead reads: say say <b>HOTEL MISTY - LUXURY SKI RESORT</b> say goto hotelmisty hide mel untag mel follow tag mel left verb board hotel_bus !here mel say You climb aboard the coach, nodding politely to the tourists as you pass. You find a seat near the back and settle in as the engine rumbles into life. say say The coach pulls away from the riverbank, winding alongside the Black River where swans drift lazily on dark waters. say say Soon the landscape changes — bleak moorlands stretch out beneath a slate-grey sky. You pass the ruins of old stone watchtowers, crumbling and silent. say say The bus plunges into ancient woods, gnarled trees clawing at the windows. You glimpse shadows moving—great black spiders perhaps—but the bus doesn’t stop. say say Finally, the road climbs into snow-dusted peaks, and the coach emerges in a cheerful ski village nestled in the Misty Mountains. The sign ahead reads: say say <b>HOTEL MISTY - LUXURY SKI RESORT</b> say goto hotelmisty room ruins <div class="ruins"></div>You stand amid the moss-choked ruins of Dale. Crumbled stone walls rise like broken teeth, and the wind whispers secrets through shattered arches. Shadows stretch long beneath ancient towers. prop display Ruins of Dale south riverbank north lonely_mountain room lonely_mountain <div class="lonelymountain"></div>You are on a narrow, winding path carved into the grey bones of the Lonely Mountain. The air is thin and biting, and far below the lake glitters like a sliver of glass. prop display Slopes of the Lonely Mountain south ruins up outside_cave room outside_cave You stand on a narrow ledge halfway up the mountain, before a yawning cave entrance. The wind howls around you, carrying the scent of sulphur and the faintest whiff of mint. The cave mouth breathes out warm air, and your skin prickles. prop display Outside the Dragon’s Cave down lonely_mountain verbs jump enter_cave verb enter_cave !has boss finale: You can't go anywhere - you have a gun trained on you! goto halls verb jump say With a trembling heart, you leap from the ledge— die You plummet down the mountainside to your doom. GAME OVER. room halls <div class="cavehalls"></div>You are within the echoing, vaulted halls of the Lonely Mountain. Piles of treasure glint in the gloom — not gold, but twisted tubes, barrels, and crates of minty-fresh toothpaste. The air is thick with the scent of spearmint and dragon breath. prop display The Dragon’s Halls east outside_cave thing dragon mighty red dragon loc halls tags sleeping alive prop desc A vast red dragon lies coiled atop a mound of toothpaste tubes, his snores rattling the cavern walls. His scales shimmer like embers, and a small trickle of smoke curls from his nostrils. setverb talk dragon at halls !has dragon dead here dragon verb talk dragon has dragon sleeping say "Zzzzzzzz..." The dragon mutters in his sleep, turning slightly as a bubble of toothpaste pops beneath him. thing toothpaste loc halls prop desc Mounds and mounds of minty-fresh toothpaste — enough to brush the teeth of all Middle Earth until the end of days. verb fill sack at halls here toothpaste !has sack full say You begin scooping up handfuls of the minty hoard, stuffing the sack to bursting. tag sack full add score 100 hide toothpaste !has boss dead run bossdragon continue proc bossdragon bring boss say say <b>Suddenly, Tom walks in! He is carrying a sub machine gun.</b> say say "Hahaha, you led me right to it, you fool!" He says, swinging the gun towards the dragon. "Now I shall kill this damned toothpaste dragon, and shares in my toothpaste company will go through the roof!" say say "Tom, no - think about what you're doi---" say say But Tom doesn't listen. He fires in the belly of the dragon, killing it as it sleeps. With a groan, the dragon turns on it's side, and breathes toothpaste no more. say say Tom points the gun at you. "Drop the sack. Walk out the cave, slowly - and over to the cliff edge." say say You do as he says. put sack halls goto outside_cave bring boss untag dragon sleeping tag dragon dead write dragon.desc A dead dragon. Very sad. say say "Now jump. Or I'll shoot you where you stand." say tag boss finale write boss.desc Tom is standing with one foot forward, trenchcoat billowing dramatically in the wind. His gun is steady, his eyes steely. verb go down has boss finale say You can't go anywhere - you have a gun trained on you! say rule at outside_cave add tom_timer 1 rule at outside_cave eq $tom_timer 5 !has boss distracted !has boss dead say <b>"Times up!" Tom shrieks, firing the gun at you widly.</b> say say The bullets ripple your chest, and you teeter backward of the cliff, arms flailing — screaming as you fall... say say —and fall. die You plunge to your death on the rocks below. Oh well, what's not to be is not to be. GAME OVER verb use mysterious_box !has mysterious_box nobatteries at outside_cave say You press the button on the mysterious box. Instantly, a hologram of yourself appears a few feet away, flickering eerily. say say Tom jerks the gun toward the illusion and empties his machine gun into the hologram. say say <b>You seize the moment.</b> tag boss distracted verb talk boss at outside_cave say "The time for talking has passed. You are better value to me dead. Now say your prayers, I'm going to shoot your nipples off." setverb kick boss at outside_cave has boss distracted verb kick boss say You give Tom Fallows an almighty kick in the bollocks, sending him spirallying off the cliff and into oblivion. say say "You've not heard the last of meeeeeeeeeee..." His voice echoes throughout the land, his words punctuated by a tiny splat. hide boss tag boss dead untag boss finale add score 250 verb use mysterious_box !has mysterious_box nobatteries: The batteries are dead! say You press the button on the strange black cube. With a quiet hum, it whirs to life. say A beam of pale blue light projects upward, and within moments a perfect holographic duplicate of you shimmers into view at your side. say The image mimics your every movement with eerie precision — a ghostly echo of yourself brought to life. say After a few moments, the hologram crackles with static and flickers off. verb take sack has sack full say <b>Congratulations! You have defeated Tom Fallows, the evil toothpaste Baron of Hobbinton.</b> say say The red dragon is dead (even though he wasn't doing any harm to anyone.) say say The people of Hobbiton now have enough toothpaste to last the rest of their lives. Hooray! say say Although the adventure is over, there is <b>still work to be done!<b><i> Earn extra points by taking the sack of toothpaste back to Hobbiton.</i> say say GOD SPEED! add score 500 tag sack won put coach_party riverbank put hotel_bus riverbank put bus_driver riverbank carry sack write hotelmisty.desc You are outside "Hotel Wifty", a grand five-star retreat nestled in a snowy mountain pass. Tourists in colourful ski gear are bustling about, snapping selfies and slipping over on patches of ice. thing skis pair of skis tags portable wearable plural prop desc A slick, red pair of high-end skis, slightly scratched from previous tumbles. room hotel You are in the warm, wood-panelled foyer of Hotel Misty. Polished antler chandeliers hang overhead, and a stone fireplace crackles in the corner. A reception desk stands near the wall, while glass doors reveal the snowy forecourt beyond.<br><br>A guest is angrily arguing with the receptionist. out hotelmisty prop display Hotel Misty Foyer thing receptionist2 receptionist loc hotel tags alive verbs talk prop desc A stern-looking receptionist with a pencil moustache and an exaggerated air of disapproval. thing guest angry guest loc hotel tags alive verbs talk prop desc A red-faced man in ski boots, gesturing furiously at the receptionist. verb talk receptionist2 say "Check-in is strictly after 3pm!" the receptionist says without making eye contact. verb talk guest random x 3 !eq $x 1: "They lost my reservation!" !eq $x 2: "How do you run out of *clean towels* in a ski hotel?!" !eq $x 3: "I swear, next year I’m going to the Mines of Moria Spa instead." verb examine guest !has skis visible say Among the guest’s luggage, you notice a striking pair of skis poking out. tag skis visible wearable bring skis setverb use skis at hotelmisty has skis worn verb use skis say say <b>You strap on the skis and hurl yourself down the icy slope.</b> say The wind whips your face. Snow sprays up as you carve past trees - the adrenaline coursing through your veins. say say <b>INSTRUCTIONS FOR PLAYER: Open YouTube and play the <i>theme tune to Ski Sunday</i>. You may then continue playing once the music has finished.</b> say say With a final bump, you crash to a stop at the foot of a snow-laden pine tree. goto forest4 hide taxicab add score 125 room forest You are deep in a pine forest. Every tree is frosted with snow, and your breath fogs the air. Somewhere in the distance, a crow calls ominously. south north_road east forest2 prop display Frozen Forest room forest2 You are surrounded by dense fir trees. The snow is thick here, muffling every sound. A hare darts across your path and disappears into the underbrush. west forest east forest3 prop display Deep Forest room forest3 The pines grow closer here, their branches interlocking above your head. It’s eerily quiet. west forest2 east forest4 prop display Silent Forest room forest4 You’re at the edge of the forest, where the snow is disturbed by recent ski tracks. A black crow regards you with curiosity from a low branch. west forest3 prop display Forest Clearing rule at forest4 has sack won chance 1 2 bring eyes rule at forest3 has sack won chance 1 3 bring eyes rule at forest2 has sack won chance 1 2 bring eyes thing eyes some pale bulbous eyes staring at you. prop desc They don't look human! verb go west here eyes has sack won run deathwalk verb go east here eyes has sack won run deathwalk verb go south here eyes has sack won run deathwalk verb wait here eyes hide eyes say Time passes... proc deathwalk say say As you step between the trees, the forest above unzips with a sudden rustle—then something massive slams down on your back, knocking the breath from your lungs. Hairy limbs like twisted ropes coil around your chest and face, muffling your scream before it can escape. You're dragged upward into the shadows, into a nest of chittering hunger. Acidic ooze floods your mouth, searing your tongue and throat as darkness blossoms behind your eyes. say You are digested alive. die The end. verb go west at forest4 has skis worn say Walking around wearing skis is very uncomfortable. I suggest you take them off! untag skis wearable verb put_toothpaste_in_chest wooden_chest add score 250 say say <b>You put the sack full on treasure inside the chest! Congratulations the game is now 100% - Hobbiton is saved, blah blah blah. Now you can go and do something more constructive with your time.</b> say say See you next time! say die Your score is {$score}/{$maxscore}