<!--
	Title: (REVIEW) Plundered Hearts
	Author: Betty D. DeMunn
	Source: ST Log, #20
	Date: June 1988
	Transcription by Steve Derby
-->

<img class="float-right" src="/public/img/articles/st-log-plundered-hearts-review/plundered-hearts-cover-art.png" alt="Plundered Hearts cover art">

**Infocom<br>
125 Cambridge Park Drive<br>
Cambridge, MA 02140<br>
(617) 576-3190<br>
$39.95<br>
520ST- Low Resolution**

At last! An Infocom "Interactive Fiction" text adventure of a woman by a
woman! News of this incredible breakthrough came as a delightful surprise.
For years I've been masquerading as a macho male 18 year old in countless
adventures, so the chance to shed "him" and become "her" was long
overdue and more than welcome. Ripping open the package in a frenzy of anticipation,
I thought, "Bless you, little Amy Briggs. You have taken one small
step for woman, one giant step for womankind."

As usual, I found goodies in the package: a velvet reticle (purse), a letter from
Jean Lafond, and a banknote, plus a slim manual containing basic info.
Games are saved within the story disk, so I was all ready. With trembling
hands and pounding heart, I booted **Plundered Hearts**.

Set in the 17th century, the story is obviously a spoof of the romance novels
that leer from drugstore racks. You are a young gentlewoman on a ship in
the Caribbean, sailing to your dying father's bedside as per instructions in
the letter. En route you are boarded by pirates (Oops, Freudian chemise) -- the
ship is boarded by pirates, and you are snatched by a gorgeous hunk named
Nicholas Jamison. Your pulse races and your bosom heaves. He sets you
straight about Governor Lafond, a scurrilous liar and champion villain who
actually holds dear Papa prisoner on the island of Ste. Sinistra. Your mission
is to rescue Papa, decimate the evil Lafond, and escape with Nick. On the way
to this happy ending, you encounter a lot of heavy-breathers, a crocodile, and
several fates worse than death. Sounds like fun, huh?

Did you ever slip on a banana peel? You know, airborne one moment and
flat on your keester the next? That's the feeling I experienced as this adventure
unfolded. It was like playing hide-and-seek alone. I could find me every
time. In fact, Plundered Hearts went by so fast, I didn't even catch the heroine's
first name.

Hype on the package proclaims that Miss Briggs read hundreds of romance
novels, researched 17th-century costumes and ships, and was wooed by
a dashing pirate. No doubt this is true. But Amy contracted cliche-itis along
the way, and I seemed to have all the antidotes. I finished ("solved" is too
strong a word) Plundered Hearts in four hours, 523 moves. It should have
been faster , but I kept trying to make a ballgown out of drapes, and putting
hoops in my skirt so I could parachute out of the crow's nest! When one
spends $40 for an adventure game, one expects to develop a meaningful relationship
with it. This was a case of Wham-Bam, etc.

A new title by Infocom always meant buying a notebook to fill with maps,
clues and assorted ravings. I've completed only four out of 20-odd adventures
without the aid of Invisiclues. I'm self-rated as "Almost-Intermediate,"
and of average intelligence. If Infocom still printed difficulty ratings
on the package, Plundered Hearts would have to be assigned: "Beginner -
Novice - E.T."

Let it be noted, I love Infocom so much that my four-letter ATM code is
"G-R-U-E." But I fear it has loaded its marketing bow with a horseshoe.
Women who read romance novels would be better off buying ten of them
for the price of Plundered Hearts. Not only that, but women who own, or have
access to, or any interest in computers are likely to prefer other types of
fiction.

<blockquote style="border-top: 1px solid; border-bottom: 1px solid; font-family: var(--article-sidebar), 'Arial Black', sans-serif; font-size: 1.5em; font-weight: bold;">
You are a young gentlewoman on a ship in the Caribbean, sailing to
your dying father's bedside as per instructions in the letter. En route you are boarded
by pirates.
</blockquote>

Let's not be too cruel. Plundered Hearts is well-written. The brilliant
purple prose is amusing and often funny. Amy Briggs is a talent, but, in my
opinion, wasted on this sexist plot. Sexist because one of the levels you attain
on your way to Happy Ending is "Lady Leman." Sexist because it's difficult to
relate to a woman who doesn't know one end of a rapier from another and
isn't allowed to handle a pistol or to sharpen her dagger. Granted, she rescues
her virile lover from certain death three times, but doesn't that hint of his
latent wimpiness? The ending suggests that the happy couple will sail to
America for the sequel. I can wait.

Perhaps women are not as sadistic, manipulative and devious as men. If
those qualities make for exciting, challenging adventure games, then
harden up, Amy. Abandon the gentle, nurturing nature that makes us women
and let the sequel be convoluted and frustrating. Give us months of pondering
and a reason to buy the hint book.

A note to male players: You must be totally liberated to play Plundered
Hearts, but go ahead, it'll do you good!

A few uneasy questions remain. Why was "About the Authors" omitted from
the manual? We want to know more about Amy Briggs and her background.
Why was Plundered Hearts kept secret until its release? *Status
Line*, the Infocom newsletter, usually hypes upcoming titles, but I don't
recall reading anything about Plundered Hearts there, or anywhere else,
for that matter. Who is Amy Briggs, really?

Finally, I'd like to remind you that never within recent recorded history
has there been a negative review of an Infocom game. Their track record has
been a miracle of success. But there's a first time for everything, and Plundered
Hearts disappointed me. The intent is to be applauded. Women have
long been overlooked, both as authors and consumers, but to grab us, you
need a stronger hook. Let us be what we are today, or will be in the future not
what we were 300 years ago. Or, if you must spoof, make the spoof
challenging enough to flatter our intelligence. Even a first-time player would
know what to do with a sliver of mirror, a library, a chandelier. Those tricks
have been done and done and done in movies, TV, and books.

Being a feisty old feminist, I have to say that Plundered Hearts is one small
step for womankind, sideways.

**Betty D. DeMunn** *is a professional actress and freelance writer who
lives in Buffalo, New York. She's been addicted to Ataris since 1982, when
a 400 followed her home one day, and grew up to be a 520ST. Other
hobbies include: one husband, five children, seven grandchildren, and
one great-grandson, Nick. Wow!*