<!--
	Title: Leather Goddesses of Phobos
	Source: QuestBusters, v3(11)
	Date: November 1986
	Transcription by Steve Derby
-->

Despite the titillating title, *Leather Goddesses* is more risqué than R-rated, and
is far from X-rated--unless you've got a thing about kneecaps and toe-sucking.
Instead this is Meretzky's madcap hunor at its unbridled best, and he often pokes as
much fun at some familiar aspects of adventuring as he does at the Fifties' pulp
science fiction he takes aim at in this all-text game. Even so, Meretzky's theme for
this parody is "adult-oriented." If it were a film, *Leather Goddesses* would be rated PG
even in the most forthright of its three "naughtiness levels.

In case you weren't around in the Fifties, sex was a major fixation with science
fiction authors and the artists who so luridly illustrated the covers of paperback
novels. They were called pulps because of the cheap paper on which they were
printed. So sex was the obvious angle for this parody, which at times reminded me of
a certain Robert Crumb comic book. (If you remember its name, congratulations,
your score just went up 12 points.) In this story, the Leather Goddesses are plotting to
invade earth and "turn it into their sexual playground." Your goal is to stop these
fiends--and have a good time while you're at it! You enter the story in 1937, when
you are teleported from a bar in Sandusky, Ohio, to a cell on the miniscule Martian
moon of Phobos.

You have been snatched by the Leather Goddesses, who have been kidnapping and
experimenting on humans to prepare for the invasion. Wearing only a brass
loincloth, you will not want to hang around for the experiments; luckily, the
cell door is unlocked and you can escape without a severe cerebral struggle. You'll
soon meet another prisoner, who will be male or female depending on your sex
(which is cleverly determined in the opening scene). Upstairs you'll find an
observatory with a grand view of the Goddesses' Pleasure Palace. On the floor
you'll notice the first of many strange black circles.

## *Going Around in Circles*

These are teleportation portals. Step on one and you might suddenly have to outrun
a huge Venus fly-trap plant through the steamy Venusian jungle. Another black
circle sends you to the Martian desert, where you can ride a royal barge down the
canal to one of the red planet's polar caps. The black circles give the game a similar
feel to *Hitchhiker*, which used the Improbability Drive for the same purpose.
They are scattered throughout the game to connect distant locations, and you can use
them like an instantaneous subway to return to the cell, jet over to Venus and
visit other places.

Your travelling companion suggests the Leather Goddesses' plan can be thwarted
with a "Super-Duper Anti-Leather Goddesses of Phobos Attack Machine."
Much of the game is spent collecting the machine's bizarre components: things like
a white mouse, six feet of rubber hose, and a picture of Douglas Fairbanks.

By now you must be wondering "where's the sex?" in
this game. Most of Meretzky's sexual allusions are limited to
double entendres: towers thrust up into the sky, domes curve, a
"shaft of sunlight penetrates the stained glass windows," and
your partner is confident that together "we can lick the
Leather Goddesses." The first sexual encounter occurs after
you solve the Sultan's (or Sultraness') riddle and win a
chance to spend one hour with any of the 8,379 wives in his
harem. What you do in that hour is up to you. If you want
to fool around with the wife, go right ahead.

## *Tame to Lewd*

The program's responses will depend on which of the three
play modes--tame, suggestive or lewd--you are using. This
can be changed at any time during the game, and a prompt
asks your age if you request the lewd mode. The game won't
talk dirty unless you type dirty: certain four-letter words will
not be used in the game's responses unless you have
previously typed in the word. (If you have correctly guessed
the first such word, congratulations. Your score
just went up 10 points.)

For an idea of how this works, I said "examine wife" in
each of the three modes. In the tame mode I learned there was
"nothing eye-catching" about her. The suggestive mode's
response said her looks "turn you on." And the lewd replay
gave a more explicit description, one that some
parents would probably find offensive, even though it's
nothing today's youth hasn't already heard in movies like
Porky's. It's not arousing in the least, triggering a cheap
laugh, not a sexual thrill. Another example: A tame look
reveals that "Sultan's wife #123 is here." In the same situation
a lewd look elicits this response: "Sultan's wife #123
is here, lying seductively naked on a bed of furs."

The puzzles range from a simple coded message to
riddles to object- and character-related
problems. And for the first time you'll find clues in
the Infocom packaging, a 3-D comic book that comes
complete with red- and blue-lensed glasses. At times the
program tells you to "scratch and sniff' one of the seven
odors on the enclosed sheet, which adds a new dimension to
all-text adventuring. (I tried wearing the 3-D glasses while
playing the game but nothing happened. However, I found
that by wearing them while in QuantumLink's "People
Connection" section I could read secret messages being
beamed in from a quasar in the Andromeda galaxy.) This is
one of Infocom's easiest "Standard" level games, and I've
heard of one person who finished it in ten hours.

Mapping is required but not too demanding, since most
parts of the game are compartmentalized: you travel
to one area and gain access to several locations, then on to the
next area and its rooms. There is a diabolical maze with two
levels, and the packaging provides a map of the
catacombs. Even with the map you'll still spend a lot of time
in the catacombs, which are stocked with canal beetles, sand
crabs and alligators. Escaping calls for some eccentricactions.

I found the funniest parts of the game were Meretzky's shots
at certain aspects and familiar elements of interactive fiction.
When you quit, the program announces your score in this
manner: "In 240 turns, you have achieved a score of, um,
oh, call it 24 out of 3149 points. This gives you the rank
of Sandusky Stablehand." The Sultan's riddle itself is a parody
of the riddle as a type of puzzle. Meretzky's non-stop puns kept
me smiling too. The first dock I found on the Martian canal
was called "Royal Dock" in the upper left-hand comer of the
screen. Further downstream, the names of other docks grew
progressively sillier: Baby Dock, My Kinda Dock, WattzUp
Dock.<br>
**Conclusions:** Not as difficult as *Hitchhiker's Guide*,
*Leather Goddesses* is even funnier. It is recommended,
with the precaution that some parents may want to observe
the action to make sure younger players don't "accidentally" shift
into lewd mode.

<hr style="border-top: 4px double;">

**System:** All<br>
**Skill Level:** Novice<br>
**Price:** $34.95, C & AT 8-bit; $39.95, others<br>
**Company:** Infocom
