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	Title: Music From The Great Underground Empire
	Subtitle: (reprinted from U.S. News and Dungeon Report, 9/18/951)
	Source: The New Zork Times, v4(2)
	Date: Spring 1985
	Transcription by Steve Derby
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Because of the recent craze of treasure-hunting that seems to have
swept through the remnants of the Great Underground Empire (GUE),
most people seem to associate the GUE only with jewels and gold,
and forget that it was once a thriving kingdom of people, replete
with traditions, culture, and art.

For example, almost every book or classroom course on the GUE
ignores its fine musical heritage. This heritage goes back to the very
earliest years of the GUE. Zilbo III, the last ruler of the Entharion
Dynasty, who is most known for his invention of the card game Double
Fanucci, is also the inventor of the brass Trombuoy, and wrote several
sonatas for Trombuoy and Danvictorhorn.

The most popular music among the masses of the GUE was a type
known as rock music, so-called because it was produced by
banging together rocks (which were left lying all over the place following
the construction of the caverns and tunnels of the GUE) and also
because listeners frequently stuffed rocks in their ears due to the loud
volumes involved.

The origins of the GUE's rock music can be traced to the legendary
singer Elvis Flathead, whose first concert in 841 propelled him to
stardom. However, the most famous rock musicians were
undoubtedly Sgt. Duffy's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Their songs include
"I Get By With a Little Hint From My Friends" ("Would you be
mad if I showed you a bug/Would you stand up and log out on me?")
and "Sandy Cave" ("Sandy Cave is in my ears and in my eyes/There
beneath the Frigid River skies").

A later addition to the GUE's rock music scene was a group called
Men at Zork, whose hit song "Down Under" revitalized interest
in the medium ("So you come from a land down under/Where trolls kill
and thieves plunder"). Another popular rock artist was Billy Troll.
*(Editor's Note: As a matter of fact, Infocom President Troll Berez is
named after him.*) Other important rock musicians of the GUE were a
group named Jefferson Bucket (later re-named Jefferson Balloon)
and a cute robot named Pink Floyd.

For the royal elite, more classical styles of music were in vogue. The
most famous of these works is the "Toccata and Fugue and Theme and
Variations, Opus No. 69105" by Johann Sebastian Flathead,
commissioned by his cousin, Lord Dimwit the Excessive. The piece
was only performed once in its entirety, in 787. Legend has it that
several members of the 98,000-piece royal orchestra, chorus, corps
de ballet, artillery battery, fireworks brigade, and smoke effects crew
failed to survive the eighty-seven day ordeal.
