<!--
	Title: (Scorpion's Tale) Leather Goddesses of Phobos
	Author: Scorpia
	Source: Computer Gaming World, v6(9)
	Date: Dec 1986
	Transcription by Steve Derby
-->

<img class="float-left" src="/public/img/articles/cgw-scorpions-tale-amfv/scorpions-tale-logo-amfv.png" alt="Scorpion's Tale logo">

Brrrr! It's cold outside. Snow, sleet, icy winds:
all that good stuff that comes around this time of
year, freezing your fingers and chilling your bones.
I love it. You, however, are looking a bit blue
around the lips. Don't panic! I have just the thing
to warm you up... what could be hotter on a cold
winter's night than a little sex? (grin).

Actually, LGOP is pretty tame, even in lewd
mode. Oh, there's a little making out here and
there, but this is basically a fun game, a spoof of
all the derring-do sci-fi adventure stories of the
'30's, with a little touch of spice. And if you are in
any way disturbed by the sexual motif, you can always
play it at the 'tame' level, which will turn
LGOP into a pretty straight-forward adventure.

So it's 1936, and you're sitting in Joe's Bar, a
grubby dive located somewhere in Upper Sandusky,
Ohio. At least the beer is a nickel a mug. With
prices like that, you can tell this isn't premium
stuff. Your bladder is telling you something, too,
and you'd better answer that call of nature soon.
After all, the game has to know if you're male or
female.

It isn't long afterwards that green tentacles come
out of the air and hustle you off to a cozy cell on
Phobos. You've been kidnapped by the dreaded
Leather Goddesses, to be a subject in their never-ending
experiments to find a way of subjugating
Earth and turning it into their personal pleasure
grounds. Why, that is A FATE WORSE THAN
DEATH!!! <shudder>

<img class="float-left" src="/public/img/articles/cgw-scorpions-tale-lgop/lgop-cover.jpg" alt="Leather Goddesses of Phobos cover">

Well, we (or at least you) can't let that happen!
On the other hand, as you stand there in your
tight-but-comfy brass bikini (for the ladies) or
brass loincloth (for the gentlemen), the prospects
are not heartening. But hey, this is the 1930's, and
the good guys (and gals) always win!

Renewed by that thought, you leave your cell
(psst, it's not locked), and soon find a trusty companion:
Tiffany (if you're female) or Trent (if
you're male). There is really no difference between
them in the game; they both do and say pretty
much the same thing. So I'll just refer to them as T
from now on.

T will eventually hand you a matchbook, saying
that if you can find the objects listed, they can be
assembled into a Super-Duper Anti-LGOP Attack
Machine. Wow! Just the thing! So you and T begin
your zany journey, collecting some pretty bizarre
items (a household blender, a rubber hose, a mouse,
and a 1933 Ford headlight, among others), and
having some pretty bizarre experiences, too.

Stepping through mysterious little black holes
that seem to be everywhere, you flit among Mars,
Venus, and Cleveland (Cleveland?) in your search
for the parts to the machine. The interesting thing
is that, generally, you can do the game in almost
any order, since the black holes take you back and
forth between locations. You can run around Mars
for awhile, and then visit Venus, or go to Venus
first: the game is fairly non-linear.

However, since you do have to make two trips
to Venus, why don't we start from there? (Actually,
if you know what you're doing and plan in advance,
you can do all of Venus in one visit) The
first thing you notice on arrival is the stalking
Venus Fly-Trap.

Much larger than the common Terran variety,
also much hungrier, and it moves... in YOUR direction.
Ooops. What's a person to do? Well, there
are two ways of dealing with the Flytrap. The easy
way is to figure out the hidden message on the
scrap of paper found in T's cell. You can get past
the ambulatory vegetation right away with that.
Otherwise, you'll have to come back later with a
couple of things from Cleveland to help you out (I
liked this way better, myself).

During your wanderings around and through the
jungle, you'll come to the house of the Mad Scientist.
But check out the back door first, where all
the door-to-door salesmen are hanging out. One
smart trade here will get you something very important.
Then you can knock on the door and take
part in yet another weird experiment. I mean,
haven't you always wanted to be a gorilla?

No? Then you'd better do something about that.
What you need is a little extra oomph, a quick
pick-me-up. That's better (don't forget the hose!).
Once you're free again, it's off to delightful, wonderful,
rubble-strewn, sandy, Mars! Home of ruined
castles, harems, catacombs, ugly frogs, and
terrible dock jokes.

But don't be in a hurry to go barging off in the
Royal Barge just yet; look around a bit first. For
instance, there's that cute little marsmouse running
around (where else) Hickory and Dickory Dock.
And the frog: the ugliest, noisiest, smelliest, most
repulsive thing you've ever seen. Kissing the frog is
like getting a babel fish: hard work, but worth it
(kinda) in the end. However, it will be awhile before
you're ready for that.

And let us not overlook King Mitre, whose
touch turns everything into 45-degree angles
(including, alas, his daughter). Hint: don't shake
hands with him. If you got past the Fly Trap earlier,
you can help him right now, otherwise, wait
until you're back from Cleveland (and Venus).

Speaking of Cleveland, it seems to be a pretty
small place in 1936. At least the part you visit. A
lawn of sorts, a teensy-weensy house, and a garden
are about all you'll see. Oh, and the car, of course,
that you notice when you look out the bedroom
window. The 1933 Ford, which is just too far below
to jump to. There's a sheet on the bed, but it's
a bit too short (leave it to Steve Meretzky to short-sheet
a bed!). However, you have everything you
need right there in the room. In fact, the sheet is
all you need.

Once you have the headlight, you can investigate
the garden. Maybe you noticed that there didn't
seem to be any of those ubiquitous black holes
around? And there's another item here you may
want, in case the Fly Trap is still running loose in
the Venusian jungles. The object is mentioned, but
it's not obvious. Read carefully.

Back on Venus (and with the Fly Trap disposed
of) you'll find (if you didn't before) another black
hole and a jar. Pay attention to the label on the jar.
Then step through the hole, and you'll be in the
hold of one of the LGOP attack ships. A grenade
comes from nowhere! BOOM! Pieces of T are
splattered all over the walls (nope, you can't avoid
this, sorry).

After a moment of silence in memory of your
brave companion, you remember that there is still
the menace of the LGOP to consider, so you get on
with the job. In time you make your way to the
Main Hatch, and once outside the ship, you find
Thorbala (if you're female) or Thorblast (if you're
male), the nasty assassin who threw the grenade!

He/she has a prisoner (either male or female,
depending on your own sex), who gets tied to the
hull of a small space yacht when you appear. Now
it's just between you and the assassin... and the
bug-eyed monster who suddenly showed up, and is
making for the helpless person bound to the yacht.
Time is precious!! Will you defeat Thorbala/Thorblast
in time to save the prisoner? Just
remember this: the good guys (and gals!) always
win... and they never kill an unarmed opponent.

With the rescue completed (and another machine
part in your hot little hand), it's time to return to
the ship (and a pleasant surprise) and then find
your way back to Mars. You're about to take a delightful
cruise down the Martian canals.

<img class="float-right" src="/public/img/articles/cgw-scorpions-tale-lgop/lgop-comic.jpg" alt="Lane Mastodon comic book from Leather Goddesses of Phobos packaging">

One of the charming sights you'll be seeing on
this voyage is a dead alien and a secret message
(get out your decoder rings!). Actually, if you read
the comic book (a must!), you should have little
trouble figuring out what it says. Then it's on your
way again, perhaps with a quick look in at the Exit
Shop (where the proprietor, alas, doesn't have
change for a ten... sounds like a New York cabbie
to me), and finally, MY Kinda Dock! where you
will visit the forbidden harem of the Sultaness (or
Sultan, as the case may be... by the way, did you
ever notice that you can reach the barge controls
while standing outside? Something to keep in
mind).

Well, you get to visit the harem if you know the
answer to the riddle. Trust me, folks: the answer is
right there in front of you. Honest. Just look at
your screen. It is so painfully obvious, you might
miss it. Try not to.

Whew! Ok, you don't get eaten by tigers, but
instead spend a delightful hour (if you want to)
with one of the harem's 8000+ inmates. Which one
is a matter of careful choice. Because only that
particular husband (or wife) is the one who will
show you the secret entrance to the catacombs.

Now the fun begins. Take out the map that
came with the game... you'll never get through
without it (and also re-read that comic book!).
You'll have to slosh your way through the murky
waters and dim passages until you've visited all
those little square boxes on the map (going up and
down at times between the two levels, too). Watch
out for those crabs! Not to mention beetles and alligators.

There are two ways out (once you have everything
you need): a ladder up to the Laundry Room,
and a black hole that transports you back to the
Royal Barge. I'd recommend the ladder for now,
and the hole afterwards (less sloshing around down
there, y'know). Besides, you also need that clothespin

So, now that you've (ahem) played at the palace,
it's time to frolic in the snow at the Icy Dock.
Hmm, just like winter here at the South Pole of
Mars, and what would a South Pole be without
penguins? And there they are, quite a few of them,
in fact, plus one who's waving a sign in your face.
It's a good idea to read that sign.
Once past the penguins, you come to the robot
gypsy camp. Alas, no sooner have they greeted you,
then tragedy strikes... a meteoroid flashes down
from the skies and vaporizes both of them. Now
the poor little baby robot in the tent is an orphan
(awwwwww).

Well, you can't just leave the poor little, err,
thing all alone. By great good luck, however, there
is (guess what?) an orphanage near by (there must
be some divine hand behind all this, it couldn't be
just mere coincidence). Still, you don't want to
simply walk up to the door and knock; you might
get a rude greeting. You're going to have to be a
bit devious here. But remember, it's all in a good
cause (not to mention, you don't have the facilities
for taking care of the baby yourself, anyway).

Hey, get on move on! Time's a-wasting and you
still have a frog to kiss, among other things, so
head on to the black hole (they really ARE everywhere!).
Back in the warmer climes of Mars again,
you're ready for the big moment. You have (or
should have) everything you need to kiss the ugly
amphibian. So, prepare yourself, get ready, and...
smooch.....

(sigh!) The Prince(ess) is obviously the love 'em
and leave 'em type, but at least you have something
to remember him/her by. And now, checking your
inventory, you ought to have all the components
for the machine. There is only one thing more to
pick up, so float on down the canal to the Exit
Shop, for that final black hole.

Where does it lead to, you may ask? To the very
private boudoir of the Leather Goddesses themselves,
that's where. But don't bother looking, because
you're suddenly ejected out into the main
plaza. And you're not alone (gulp!).

In fact, the entire attack force of the LGOP is
after you! The fleet is swooping down from overhead!
Robotic monsters of every description are
stomping, chomping, and bulldozing their way right
to you!! And the soldiers are setting up a (gasp!)
Death Ray!!!

They're all closing in! Will T complete the Anti-
LGOP machine in time? Will it work?? Will Earth
be saved from the menace of these fiends? Will Sir-
Tech ever release Wizardry IV? (Umm, scratch that
last one)

Whew! That was quite a jaunt, eh? I sure do
hope you managed to save the world from a fate
worse than death. In the meantime, if you need
help with an adventure game, you can reach me in
the following ways:

On Delphi: Visit the GameSIG (from the Groups
and Clubs menu) On GEnie: Stop in at the Games
Roundtable (type Scorpia to reach the RT) On the
Source: Send SMail to ST1030. By U.S. Mail
(enclose a self-addressed, stamped envelope if you
live in the United States): Scorpia, PO Box 338,
Gracie Station, New York, NY 10028.

Until next time, happy adventuring!