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	Title: Infocom Horoscope
	Source: The New Zork Times, v3(2)
	Date: Spring 1984
	Transcription by Steve Derby
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HELLHOUND (March 21 to April 18) * Don't eat any foods with
names beginning with a G or a Y, such as grapes or yogurt. This is a
good week to learn Latin.

GRUE (April 19 to May 20) * Procrastination is ill-advised, especially
if you were considering software purchases. Avoid zoos and art
museums.

DRYAD (May 21 to May 24) * This is a good time to experiment with
hair replacement techniques. Consider selling any kitchen appliance
that you've had for over six years.

DORN (May 25 to May 27) * Don't go swimming if you've eaten in
the last thirty minutes. Wear a scarf if it's less than forty degrees
outside. Call your mother.

BROGMOID (May 28 to November 19) * If you've ever robbed any
banks, today is a good day to apologize and start life anew. Sell all
your U.S. Steel stock at once.

BLOODWORM (November 20) * Wait 24 hours, then buy all the
U.S. Steel stock you can get your hands on. Do not taunt snakes or bus
drivers.

YIPPLE (November 21, until 3:00 p.m.) * Give flowers to your mate.
Buy a house. Eat three cookies. Fly to France. Challenge your dentist
to a duel.

SURMIN (November 21, after 3:00 p.m.) * Spend time with a sick
friend. This is crucial. If necessary, take a healthy friend and expose
him/her to a contagious disease.

ROTGRUB (November 22 to January 3, January 18 to March 20) *
An old business partner will meet you in the fruit and vegetable aisle
of the supermarket. Be wary: if you chat there too long, the store will
be sold out of casaba melons.

KOBOLD (January 4 to January 17, except where prohibited by law) *
Don't marry anyone named Waldo or Matilda this week. Next week,
marry only people named Waldo and Matilda.

ORC (anyone born in Cleveland on a national holiday) * Avoid reading
your horoscope today. It will only be misleading, dangerous, and
possibly even fatal.

NABIZ (all redheads born during a total eclipse) * Talk to strangers.
Frequent dark alleys. Cross the street without looking both ways. Eat
quickly without chewing well. Don't call your mother.