<!--
	Title: Mail Bag
	Source: The New Zork Times, v4(1)
	Date: Winter 1985
	Transcription by Steve Derby
-->

**Dear Editor:**

I received my *New Zork Times*, Vol. 3, No. 3, yesterday. I am now
working on Contest Number 3. My 11-year-old son and I are long-time
fans of Infocom, have purchased all of them, and solved most of them.
My loyalty will remain in spite of the very sad fact I noted in the *Times*.
Do you know, dear Editor, that in Puzzle Number One only 1 of 10
winners was female and in Puzzle Number Two, again, only 1 of 10
winners was female. Am I to believe:

1) Females don't play Infocoms
2) Females don't enter Infocom contests
3) Females don't get the right answer so don't qualify to win
4) Females just don't get their names pulled out of the hat as winners
5) The Times staff — except for "Angela" — is male and you "guys"
fixed the contest!!!

Do you want this unfair practice to continue? Do you want to be boycotted
— girlcotted?? — by NOW? How do you propose to solve this
dilemma?

Perhaps I could sew some ribbon and lace on my contest entry (a delightfully
feminine thing to do), and you could pick it as a winner; I could
win a T-shirt, and you would be absolved.

Oh well, it was worth a try!
Frobozz! Frobozz! Frobozzle!

<div class="right">

**Margaret Sebastian**<br>
LaGrange, IL

</div>

P.S. I like the new difficulty ratings, packaging, and especially prices!!

*(Your letter touched a sore spot. We try very hard to keep sex bias out of
our games — in most, there is nothing to indicate the sex of the player.
We have found, possibly because of this, that women use Infocom's interactive
fiction more than the average software product.*

*Sadly, however, women still account for only one out of six Infocom
users. The five conclusions you listed are not true. The actual reason is
that women have been underrepresented as computer and software
users.*

*We will continue to do our best to interest more women in our products;
by doing so, we hope to interest more women in microcomputers in
general. —Ed.)*

**Dear Editor,**

I received my first copy of *The New Zork Times* a few days ago, and
I was particularly pleased with your article, "How the Witness Came to
Be," by Stu Galley. Of all the games you have written, the *Zork* series is
my favorite. Why not do an article on how it came to be, for the education
of all of the new personal computer owners, like myself?

I have a TRS-80 Model 4 and *Zork I*, *Zork II*, and *Zork III*. Your games
bring a great deal of challenge to me and all my friends that have dared to
try them. Keep up the good work.

<div class="right">

**Emile Deen**

</div>

*(Your wish is our command. —Ed.)*

**To The New Zork Times Editor:**

Sometimes when I read all of the comments that people write in to a
magazine, I just agree with them and continue reading. However, I
recently received my summer issue of your *New Zork Times*, and after
finishing the "Mail Bag", I just had to offer my own opinion. I work for
Hewlett-Packard and just bought a house and have a family, and as you
might guess, I don't have a lot of time to play my Infocom games. But
when your newsletter arrives, it reminds me how much I love to play
them. I enjoy every part of your letter, and people ask me what I'm
chuckling about while I'm reading it. I suppose that it reminds me of the
excitement I feel when playing the games, and there are also several
funny parts to the letter. I can't thank you enough for providing a standard
by which all other games should be measured, and for giving me hours
and days of challenge, excitement, and fun! I applaud your creativity,
thoughtfulness, and sense of humor and openness (to the public with
your newsletter).

Thank you so very much!

<div class="right">

**Robert Ross**<br>
Milipitas, CA

</div>

**Dear Infocom,**

Here is my entry to *The New Zork Times* puzzle. This one was too easy:
I solved it without even DOING the puzzle! The answer was pretty
obvious. Next time, please make the NZT puzzle a bit more challenging. I
know you're good at that kind of stuff. Or perhaps you could hold a
"creativity" contest, the kind *Softalk* used to offer.

Speaking of *Softalk*, does anyone at Info-Labs know what became of
Softalk Publishing? All I got was a "death notice" and a subscription to
A+ magazine. I was thinking you'd know, you having been one of
Softline's most prominent advertisers.

I found something in *Sorcerer*™ for your bug department. It is this: you
can open Belboz' journal with the key, fine; however, you can't close it.
You get an "it's already open" message. Call the exterminator!

Is it possible to call somewhere (hook up in the Source?) to get the
mainframe *Zork* via modem? That would be fun to do. I've always
wanted to play the original *Zork*.

Are you going to convert the old
games into the new packaging? If not, will the third *Enchanter*™ match
the first two? It would look nice on my shelf.

BRING BACK ZORK IRON-ONS!

Sincerely,

<div class="right">

**Alexander Eulenberg**

</div>

*(Concerning the puzzle, your wish is our command. As for* Softalk, *they
were forced into bankruptcy by creditors. It was sad and sudden —
they had assets but didn't have enough ready cash to pay all the
bills when they were unexpectedly demanded. We will all miss the*
Softalk *magazines.*

*All of our games are being converted to the new packaging, and all
new games will be packaged in the new standard.*

*We have been considering T-shirts, but we're not sure what people would
prefer. If you would be interested in Infocom T-shirts, please write in with
your suggestions. —Ed.)*

**Hey Guys!**

I was sitting around letting my restless mind wander, and came up
with some amusing acronyms.

1. Flathead is the supreme G.R.U.E. — (Great Ruler of the
Underground Empire)
2. Lord Excessive's job description: F.R.O.T.Z. — (Flathead Reigns
Over The Zorkers)
3. The Zork Bank: F.R.O.B.O.Z. Z. — (Flathead's Ridiculously
Official Bank Of Zealous Zorkers)
4. Toughness of solving problems in Zork series: P.L.U.G.H. —
(Prevents the Losers Underground from Gaining Hope)
5. Status of Krill after being defeated: K.R.I.L.L. — (Krill Really
Is a Lonesome Loser)

Hope you enjoy them. Stay tuned for additional insanities...

<div class="right">

**Karl L. Romlke**<br>
Houston, TX

</div>

P.S. Please (perhaps) print these in *The New Zork Times*. Thanks.

*(Your wish is our command. —Ed.)*

**Dear Zorks:**

We liked "Grue Moon" and did some words:

Grue Moon — I saw him standing alone<br>
Without a lamp in his hand<br>
Without a light of his own.<br>
Grue Moon — you knew just what I lurked there for.<br>
You heard me saying a prayer for<br>
Someone I really could snare for.<br>
And then there suddenly appeared before me<br>
Someone without any repellent.<br>
I heard somebody whisper "Please don't eat me"<br>
And when I did the moon had turned to coal.<br>
Grue Moon — now I'm no longer a-gurgling<br>
Without a dream in my heart<br>
Without a meal of my own.

I've been lurking on the railroad<br>
All the live long night.<br>
I've been lurking on the railroad<br>
Waiting for Zorkers to come by.<br>
Don't you see the dumb fools coming,<br>
Without repellent, torch, or light?<br>
Now my mouth starts a dribblin'.<br>
I'm going to eat those fools alive.<br>
Zorker won't you come<br>
Zorker won't you come<br>
Won't you come without a light?<br>
Zorker won't you come<br>
Zorker won't you come<br>
Won't you come without a light?<br>
Someone's in the kitchen with Donald.<br>
Someone's in the kitchen with that grue.<br>
Someone's in the kitchen with Donald<br>
Cooking up some Zorkers stew.

<div class="right">

**Arlene and Peter Zajicek**<br>
Memphis, TN

</div>

**Dear Duf,**

On many games I've noticed the letters GUE used. What does GUE
stand for?

<div class="right">

**Curious in Luling Texas**

</div>

*(Duffy is away on a case, so we thought we'd try to handle this one.
GUE is an abbreviation for Great Underground Empire, where the
Zork trilogy is set. It is frequently used after dates; for example, 785
GUE would indicate the year 785 of. the Great Underground Empire. —
Ed.)*