<!--
	Title: (Adventure) Leather Goddesses of Phobos
	Source: Zzap!64, #20
	Date: December 1986
	Transcription by Steve Derby
-->

*Infocom/Activision, £24.95 disk only*

<img class="float-right-half" src="/public/img/articles/zzap64-lgop-review/lgop-packaging.png" alt="LGOP packaging">

A well-known magazine publisher recently appeared via holographic
transmission in the White Wizard's cave to ask his opinion
about *Leather Goddesses of Phobos*, the latest release from the almost
Divine Infocom company of *Hitch-Hikers*, *Sorcerer*, and *Zork fame*.

What did I think, he timidly enquired, of this game? Had I actually
discovered any ...RUDE... bits?? What had I done with the
Female Gorilla? Finally, and most significantly, he asked whether I
thought the game was any good.

That's significant because people don't often wonder
whether Infocom games are any good or not. They just wonder
whether to give them 95% or 96% and try to decide which superlative
adjective to use -- 'Briliant' 'Astounding' or perhaps 'Scrotnig'
if they read 2000AD. The fact is that there is rarely any doubt
about an Infocom title, but in this case doubt emerged so the Wiz
rushed out, bought a copy, and loaded it up. The privileged reader
of this Zarjaz Mag will now hear the Wise One's opinion...

<div class="article-sidebar-box float-left" style="font-weight: bold;">

## The Plot...

The combination of an experienced and highly skilled game
designer like Steve Meretzky plus a rather risque scenario makes for
a game with a number of unusual twists, but at heart *LGOP* is just
another excellent adventure in the traditional Infocom mode.

You must locate eight different objects in the game and these are:

<ol style="padding: inherit;">
<li>A common household blender</li>
<li>Six feet of rubber hose</li>
<li>A pair of cotton balls</li>
<li>An 82 degree angle</li>
<li>A headlight from any 1933 Ford</li>
<li>A mouse</li>
<li>Any size photo of Douglas Fairbanks</li>
<li>A copy of the Cleveland Phone book</li>
</ol>

Locating these objects isn't that difficult, but like in the Scott
Adams games, actually getting them into your possession is
extremely tricky. And then, perhaps they aren't going to do
you any good after all! Would YOU believe a moronic keep-fit maniac
who handed you a matchbox with those items scribbled on it,
announcing that with that equipment he/she could save the
world??

</div>

The game is Brilliant, Astounding, and Scrotnig.

Here's what it's all about. You -- and you can be male or female in
this game, thank goodness, so for once the Wiz can address the
whole population of the UK and not just the men, as is unfortunately
the usual case with UK adventures -- have been captured
by the *Leather Goddesses of Phobos* who invite you to take part in their
scientific research program.

If you've ever seen pictures of those unfortunate monkeys in labs
with horrible looking tubes coming out of their ears then you
might get some idea of what the Leather Ones have got in store for
you, except that the tubes come out of certain other places that we
shall not mention and the game, mercifully, only hints at. Obviously,
therefore, the aim of the game is to manfully (or womanfully)
resist the temptation to join in the fun and escape, saving the
rest of mankind in the process.

The game has you and your companion (a fellow escaped prisoner)
zipping about the universe, by means of some very convenient
black holes (which are just painted on the ground), collecting objects
and trying not to get killed or otherwise inconvenienced.

The ease with which one can move from planet to planet in this
fashion certainly makes for plenty of variety in the landscape but in
fact the Wiz found this the weakest aspect of the game. I like adventures
that stick to one geographical location and then go into it in great
detail, thereby helping to generate a compulsive and vivid 'sense of
being-there'. Not that the *LGOP* locations aren't vividly described --
I just found that being on Mars one moment and a billion light-years
away on the next rather unsettling. I'm sure that one of the
strengths of games like *Colossal Cave* and *Price of Magik* is their
concentration on one overall geographical framework with
many parts, rather than many frameworks with fewer locations
in each one.

<div class="article-sidebar-box float-right-wide" style="columns: 2;">

## The Sex...

Okay, so some of the passages in this game are just a tiny bit
naughty. But that really is as far as it goes and there's nothing here
that would shock my grandmother. Whether that's a relief or
a disappointment to you depends on what sort of person you are.

The three levels of play, Tame, Suggestive, and Lewd have a two
main effects on the game. The first is in what the program will print
out on the screen. TAME gets you briefer descriptions and nothing
that could possibly be construed as rude (unless you've got a dirty
mind). SUGGESTIVE is practically the same as LEWD but hesitates a
bit over the more intimate details.

LEWD gives you the full treatment (which isn't, in fact that
much) and often offers rather lengthier descriptions. For this
reason, even if you're a Vicar, I'd recommend playing in Lewd mode
all the time.

However, the second main effect on gameplay that changing
levels has is to increase the vocabulary accepted by the parser. In
TAME mode certain words will simply not be understood. In
LEWD, they almost certainly will be, though whether entering these
(unspecified, in this family magazine) commands will get you
much excitement is open to debate.

Hand-in-hand with this last point goes the fact that LEWD will
also change the INTERPRETATION of certain words. For example,
if you EAT an apple in TAME mode, no problem. However, if
you EAT an apple in LEWD mode, I would advise you to check that it
is over sixteen first.

The blurb at the beginning of the game suggests that the program
may raise some reaction from the Moral Majority. Frankly, I think
that that is highly unlikely. Quite apart from the fact that I can't see
what's wrong with a bit of healthy sex in a game anyway. As it is,
everything in this game's healthy, and there isn't any real sexual
activity to disturb the under-aged. Buy with confidence, parents.

</div>

Of course, the parser on *LGOP* is up to Infocom standard with all
the trimmings, including OOPS and complex input parsing. No-one
has yet matched this parsing system -- I'm afraid it's still light-years
ahead of our own attempts in the UK, with the possible exception
of *The Pawn*. You won't have much trouble making yourself
understood in this game, that's for sure.

I think what the Wizard found most impressive about *Leather Goddesses*
was that the author has not allowed the temptation of being
simply rude or risque to weaken the structure of the game itself.
The puzzles are very bit as good as one would expect and there's
enough logical gameplay here to keep you busy enough to justify
the usual high Infocom price tag.

<div class="clear-float"></div>

<div class="article-sidebar-box float-left-half" style="margin-top: 1em; columns: 2;">

## The Humour...

There is a lot of humour in this game -- inevitably since Mr
Meretsky, author of *Sorcerer* and *Hitch-Hikers*, is a man game for a
laugh. I'm glad to say that much of the humour does NOT rely on dirty
jokes or innuendos (although some of these, in LEWD mode are
very funny). For example, what other game would give you this
variety of responses:

**It's a good likeness of a pussy, but is it art?**<br>
Yes<br>
**That was just a rhetorical question.**<br>
No<br>
**You sound rather negative.**<br>
Who am I?<br>
**Good question.**<br>
Where is the toilet?<br>
**Beats me.**<br>
Lie down.<br>
**Why bother?**<br>
Remove bikini<br>
**But the brass bikini is so becoming!<br>
Or this really absurd response:**<br>
Tie the hose to the switch<br>
**You've tied the rubber hose! In the third quarter, with 40 seconds
on the clock, the score is rubber hose 17, player 17!!!But
seriously, folks, you can't tie the rubber hose.**

**And if you tire of the responses, you'll still find that
the continual tongue-in-cheek humour of the location
descriptions keeps you on the ball. One of the Wiz's favourite
bits is when:**

**'...You feel uneasy as the Mad Scientist locks the door behind
you and dissolves the key in a vat of acid.'**

**I'll say you do!!**

</div>

<img style="max-width: 45%; display: block; margin: 1em auto;" src="/public/img/articles/zzap64-lgop-review/lgop-comic.jpg" alt="LGOP comic">

<p class="larger" style="font-weight: bold;">Atmosphere 89%<br>
Interactions 94%<br>
Lasting Interest 93%<br>
Value For Money 89%<br>
Overall 91%</p>

<div class="clear-float"></div>